Friday, September 16, 2005

How I lost my femininity

I grew up around boys. My brother, Keith, was a year older than me. My cousin, Brian, was my age. My other cousin, Chad, was three years older than me. We were together every day. Being the only girl, I was often the target. I was always the smallest. I learned Darwin's theory at a young age, survival of the fittest. We did have a certain pecking order. There was at least one fight a day. Keith always beat my ass. No matter how hard I tried, I got beat down like a bitch. I, on the other hand, always beat Brian's ass. Chad was a different story. He was much bigger than all of us but he was scared of me. One day, he decided that he would piss in my shoes. I know that sounds bad but the best part is the fact that I was still wearing them. I must have been about four or five years old at the time. I didn't cry. I didn't go tell on him. I went and got a hammer and came up behind him. I cracked his head pretty good. He ended up going to the hospital to get stitches and I got him off my ass for the rest of my adolescence.

I did have a feminine side. My mother put me in every beauty pageant imaginable from the time I was six months old until I was five. I used to love getting dressed up and getting my hair done. Back then, they actually looked like little girls not like drag queens. I had trophy's that stood two feet taller than I did.

I won first place in every single pageant that she entered me in except the last one...The biggest one. There were tons of people and cameras going off everywhere. I loved being on stage. I loved the cameras. I was so excited to get my new big trophy. And then, some little girl went up there and took MY first place trophy. I had never lost before. I didn't even realize that I had lost. I thought that some kid was stealing my trophy. Darwinism kicked in on my little brain. "She's not taking my trophy!" I stormed on stage amid all the camera lights and proceeded to beat the shit out of the girl. My mother was horrified. Needless to say, that was my last pageant. My little pink dress was taken away. I hate the color pink now. I wonder why. All I had left were my trophy's and my short lived childhood small-town fame.

The rest of my childhood consisted of motorcycles, building forts and firecracker wars. I later learned the dangers of firecracker war when I blew off three of my fingernails. Thank God they grew back. Name a sport and I did it. I was the classic definition of a tomboy. Later, when I started dating, I didn't want to go to the movies. I wanted to go hiking or skiing or biking or my favorite, wrestling. Now, I would rather sit back and watch a football game with a man than take a long walk on a beach.

I still hate pink!


Posted by drunkbh :: 12:23:00 AM :: 19 comments

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