Dirty Blonde

Sunday, February 05, 2006

"Hangover Sunday"

I'm going to start a trend. Sunday's posts will now be titled "Hangover Sunday." I always go out Saturday night. I'm always hungover Sunday. I miss the days when I could drink all night, go to bed at 6am, wake up at 9am and still feel great the next day. I had 4 Coronas and 3 shots last night. I have no fucking idea what the shots were. I didn't buy them. I learned years ago that I can't mix beer and liquor but it's just too damn hard to pass up free alcohol especially when I'm already buzzed.

I'm starting another trend. It will be titled "Saturday's Loser." It doesn't matter who I go out with. I always attract the loser of the night. The kind of guy that you might be interested in if you were deaf, dumb and blind.... Or in some parallel universe.

This Saturday's Loser= Dumbass walks up to me and asks me if I like to just go out and have a good time. Well....Duh! I'm in a fucking bar retard! He then hands me his phone and tells me to put my name and number in it. My response was "You're joking right?" No, he was serious. His next line was "You have beautiful eyebrows." What the fuck??? Eyebrows? It's funny he was so enthralled with my eyebrows but he hardly even looked above my neck. Finally, I had to say "Dude, it will NEVER happen. Goodbye." Did I mention the fact that he was shorter than me? I'm 5'4". He also had the strangest hair I've ever seen. Add that to the fact that his nose was shaped like a banana. Basically, his head looked like a huge nutsack with a small dick in the middle. I won the award for attracting the biggest loser last night by attracting a 5' tall nutsack.

Last Saturday's Loser= I have to back it up to last Saturday because this guy was the one that gave me the idea of Saturday's Loser. I caught this dipshit's attention walking into the club. As we were walking I hear a guy say "I'm in heaven." I look to my right and see the guy from Deliverance. He was definitely a sight with his long stringy hair and his two front teeth. Yes, I said two. There might have been another tooth or two somewhere. Next, he bumps my arm and says "I'm in love." My response was "That's nice." That wasn't the end of it. Two seconds later, he bumps me again and says "Did you know that I'm an ancient Cherokee warrior?" This one actually amused me. I stopped walking, turned to him and said "Really? So am I. What a coincidence." This seemed to amuse the hell out of his because he then produced the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen. It was then that I confirmed that, yes, there were only two teeth. My friends thought this was hilarious. I will give the guy an A for creativity. That was a line I've never heard before. Also, he walked away on his own accord. That also deserves an A.

Now, on to the bitches I went out with last night. We were supposed to meet at a local bar at 8. This is just too damn early for me. I called them around 8:30 and told them I would be there in an hour. The note below is what I was given when I showed up at 10:00.

I should mention the fact that my cell was dead. I had to drive back to my house so that I could call the cunts and ask them where they were. I don't remember anybody's fucking cell so I couldn't call from the bar. I hope these bitches know that revenge is sweet. If they don't know, they will soon.

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:52:00 PM :: 19 comments