Sunday, January 22, 2006

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The Florida Lottery was at 50 million dollars and one lucky bastard won it. Did I mention that ONE person won it? My only hope now is that the lottery pool at the bank picked the lucky number. I will have no issues whatsoever sharing 50 million with 20 people. More than likely, I will be spending the rest of next week in servitude to the elderly rather than driving up to Tallahassee to collect my winnings. I'm getting sick of working with these old fuckers. Before this job, I believed that you should always respect your elders. We do have some real sweethearts but for the most part these fuckers should be institutionalized.
Examples
Customer- Why did my check bounce?
Me- Because there was not enough funds in the account.
Customer- Why didn't you call me?
Me- I'm sorry but unfortunately we have thousands of checks that bounce and we just cannot call everyone.
What I want to say- Because I'm not your fucking mother. If you balanced your fucking checkbook, this shit wouldn't happen, you fucking moron!
Customer- This is the banks fault. They should know that I make a deposit every Friday. That check should not have bounced.
Me- I'm sorry sir but we do not monitor you deposit activity.
What I want to say- So what you're saying is that you want to blame us because you're writing checks when you have no money in the bank. You know, a smart person would make a deposit and then write their checks. It's just a thought but you might want to think about it..... DUMBASS!
Customer- Well, I'm not paying that fee. It's not my fault.
Me- I'm sorry but the overdraft fee has already been charged to your account.
What I want to say- Like you have a fucking choice. We've already got the money. And... Because you're such an ignorant asshole, there is no way in hell that I'm going to refund it. So... Blow it out your ass!

In reality, I would have to refund the fee because the bigger the asshole, the more likely they are to complain to corporate. I'm sure you know how that goes. Shit rolls downhill.

I had another fun situation which gave me a little more latitude....A non-customer. These are usually the biggest assholes and the beauty is that I don't have to kiss their ass because they are NON-CUSTOMERS. A man comes into the bank claiming that he is the new President of a condo association and that he needs to change the names on all the accounts. He then proceeds to tell us that none of the old signers can come in to authorize it.

Here's the rundown on what we need to change names on a business:

• At least one of the current signers must be present to authorize the change.
• Minutes of the meeting from the business stating the changes requested.
• All new signers must be present at the time to make the change.

What did this dipshit have? Nothing! He tells us that the old signers can't come in because they are not allowed to have anything else to do with it. (What he means is that they got in a fight and the old signers got voted out and none of them are speaking.) He also tells us that the new signers are too busy to come in. (Has this fucking yuckster even heard of The Patriot Act? If a bank doesn't positively ID a customer it's their ass on the line.) He had no fucking idea what minutes were. (This one I could have let slide. Minutes can be written at any time on anything.)

In the end, he left screaming that he was going to close all the account if we didn't do it for him. Really?????? Let's see...... You're not authorized to transact on an account but you are going to close it? Lets see how you accomplish that one Houdini!

Pray for me that we won. If we won, I will still work there long enough to get the money. I will also make sure to piss off every customer that even looks at me crossways.

If we didn't win the lottery, this is dedicated to the person that did.


Posted by drunkbh :: 11:29:00 PM :: 24 comments

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