Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Guide

Always remember to make a woman happy.
-Do something she likes, and you get points.
- Do something she dislikes and you lose points.
- You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
(Hey, it's her game... You might as well learn how to play, right?)

First, the SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed............................ +1
You make the bad, but forget to add decorative pillows......-1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......... -2
You leave the toilet seat up................ -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty........ +5
When toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....... -1
When the Kleenes runs out you use the other bathroom....... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...... +5
in the rain..........+8
but return with beer............ -1
and no pads............. -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night........... +1
You check out a suspicious and it is nothing........ nada
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.... +5
You pummel it with a six iron....... +10
It's her cat........ -40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.............. nada
You stay by her side for a while, then leave with a drinking buddy.... -2
Named Tiffany....... -20
Tiffany is a dancer.......... -50
With breast implants...... -100

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday............ +1
You buy her a card and flowers........... +2
You take her out to dinner......... +5
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........ +6
Okay, it is a sports bar........... -20
And it's all-you-can-eat night........ -30
It's a sports bar, it's all you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team....... -40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal........ nada
The pal is happily married............ +1
The pal is single............. -10
He drives a Ferrari.......... -20
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie........ +2
You take her to a movie she likes......... +5
You take her to a movie you hate............ +8
You take her to a movie you like....... -5
it's called Death Cop III......... -10
it features Cyborgs that eat humans............ -15
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........... -20

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticable pot belly........ -15
You develop a noticble pot belly & exercise to get rid of it........ +10
You develop a noticable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......... -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."............ -1000

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding............. -10
You reply, "Where?"............... -35
You reply, "No, honey, I think it's your butt."........ GAME OVER!!!

This was a e-mail that I found today. It was amusing enough to share.
Posted by drunkbh :: 12:42:00 AM :: 26 comments

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