Saturday, March 25, 2006
A woman's poll....
Let's be realistic. Size does matter. I've heard the bullshit that "It's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean." Really? Try rowing a boat with a fuckin' pencil and see how far you get. I'm not saying that all men should be built like Sean Michaels (If you don't know who he is, I'm sorry.) I'm just saying that there needs to be something down there.
Now, let's get into the logistics of size. Or better yet, which do women prefer. I did my own little poll and girth beat out length four to one. This is of course saying that both must be adequate regardless of your preference. With a lot of length and no girth, you have a pencil. With a lot of girth and no length, you have a stump.
So.......I have decided to take my poll to the next level. You really gotta love the internet
PS- I'm a girth girl myself.
Posted by drunkbh ::
4:19:00 AM ::
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Sunday, March 19, 2006
Global Gathering
The concert kicked ass. However, I'm still paying the price for it today. It lasted from noon until midnight and of course all the good bands didn't come on until late. Shinedown was the first good band to come on. I have to admit that they rocked. I wasn't overly fond of them before. They had a few good songs but nothing to write home about. After listening to them live, I'm a fan. That fucker can sing. He does look scary as hell though. Not the dirty rocker scary type....I kinda like that. He had more of a Charles Manson, I'm going to gut your ass, look. Still.....He can sing his ass off. It was during their set that Joan had her first taste of the pit. Some big dudes decided to start moshing right next to us. She screamed and flung her beer all over me. Vic was trying to protect us but my ass was already gone. I don't play that shit. I've already had one blackeye from a concert. I don't need another one. Five minutes later, she was right on the edge of the circle pushing them back. Sorry but I'm not that brave. I've seen the moshers get crazy where the swinging in every direction possible. After Shinedown, we had about 3 hours before another good band played so we decided to have a few drinks. After about 4 beers, for some reason I decided to get airbrushed. I have no idea why. All I can say is the alcohol and heat took hold of me. This picture would have been a hell of a lot better but they ran out of pasties. It seems that you can't run around with your naked breasts painted. You have to have your nipples covered. For some reason it's illegal. So......I had to keep my top on and paint around it. It actually looked pretty good for a while.
My paint didn't last all night. We got back in the pit when Avenged Sevenfold started playing. We started working our way to the front because Rob Zombie was on next. I saw Zombie at Ozzfest last year and he kicked ass. This year, I believe he was drunk. He still kicked ass but he seemed to skip a few lyrics. I know this happens sometimes but he was skipping entire verses. Overall, I'd still give him an A. This was also about the time that I lost my sunglasses. I have a bad habit of losing expensive sunglasses. But....I had kept this pair for about 2 years so at least I got a lot of use out of them. They were lost somewhere in the pit and it was impossible to try and look for them. It was impossible to even bend down by that point. I became very well acquainted with everyone around me. The guy in front of me, with the red shirt on, had a red and blue shirt and I didn't have a trace of the $40.00 airbrush job. At least I still have a picture which was sent to me from some guy that took it for me at the concert. I also have some beads. I'm not really sure how I got those.
Worst part of the day- I used a port-o-potty for the first time. Holy shit!!!!! Those things are nasty. For men it wouldn't be as bad. There was never any toilet paper and you can't wash your hands anywhere. It was basically piss, drip dry and pull your pants up over the piss that inevitably ran down your legs because you sure as hell are not going to sit on that thing. The only good thing was that they reeked of pot so I got a nice contact buzz from being in it so long.....in the dark.....no lights either.
Now......I can't wait for Ozzfest. The tickets go on sale the 25th of this month.
AC/DC
You Shook Me All Night Long
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:36:00 PM ::
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Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Wasn't me....
Someone I know got laid this weekend...... Wasn't me
Someone I know had a pool party.....Wasn't me
Someone I know came into work with scratches all over their back.....Wasn't me
Someone got so trashed they don't remember having sex....Wasn't me
Or if they used protection....Most defintiely wasn't me
Someone better be kissing my ass for the rest of the week for not calling me to tell me about all this. I had no sex or alcohol all weekend. Damnit, help a girl out here!
Posted by drunkbh ::
10:46:00 PM ::
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Sunday, March 12, 2006
I spent almost an hour typing a long post regarding my absence and I lost the fucker. I'm too damn lazy to type everything over again so you'll get the condensed version.
The auditor has been in town. Not only has she been in town but she has been at our branch. For those of who who don't know what that means...... If she finds that we fuck up too bad, all and I mean ALL the managers will lose their jobs....Especially me because my job is the operations of the bank.
Now to the good stuff.... I will be attending the Global Music Gathering this Saturday. Holy fuck I can't wait. I know I've said this before but I really mean it this time. I plan on being bad...real bad. I haven't went out in a few weeks and I need to unwind. Vic always tells me that I'm bad but I'm good at it. He hasn't seen bad yet.
Question...Is it cheap to go back to a store days later to ask for the 1.50 they overcharged you?
A friend of mine did that. It took them 30 minutes to figure out how to do the refund. I'm sure the clerk was thinking the same thing I thought... "You should have realized it the first time you dumb bitch!" Also, I wonder how much gas she burned going back and forth for her 1.50.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:52:00 PM ::
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Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Closing Time
Last night is the reason that I will never volunteer to close again. I had a date after work so at first I balked at the idea of closing the branch. Being the closing manager, it would be my responsibility to make sure that everything is complete before I can leave. If any problems arise, I am the one responsible for fixing them. Well......We had major fucking problems last night.
THE PSYCHO
First, we had a psycho come into the branch right at closing time. He went to a teller and told her that he had fraud on his account. He shows her his license and proceeds to tells her that the signature on it is fake. The license is completely valid, only the signature is fake. Florida licenses are not embossed cards. They are more like a credit card. It's almost impossible to fake a signature on the card. The man is saying that it is the original license however someone changed the signature. (BTW- The signatures were almost identical.) He then tells us that he needs to go over his account but he doesn't have time s he will just get some travelers checks. Eight fucking thousand dollars worth of travelers checks. Considering that each individual check must be recorded and signed, this would take about an hour. Also, we already had them balanced and put up for the night. After about 30 minutes of convincing him why he shouldn't get travelers checks but rather an official check, he finally agrees. He wanted the checks so that he could pay bills with them. We kept telling him that they were for merchants only. You can't send a travelers check to the electric company to pay your bill.
THE FINALE
Here's where it gets good. Vic asks for my keys so that he can go into the vault and get an official check for the psycho. The checks were also balanced and put away but they are much easier to balance again. I think I should mention that all the other keys were locked away and I had the only remaining key to the vault.
After waiting about five minutes, I went to see where Vic was. He was standing next to the vault door. Here's what went down.
Me: Vic, where's my keys?
Vic: I left them in the vault but Joan's in there.
Amy: No she's not. I just saw her walk over there.
***** Joan comes walking over*****
Vic: Who shut the vault door?
Joan: I did. DJ said there was still a customer(the psycho) in the bank.
Basically, they locked the only keys to the bank in the fucking vault. I can't leave the bank because I can't lock the doors when I leave. I had the only key.
The vault has 2 doors to the entrance. The first is the main door that can only be locked and unlocked by combination. That door had not been shut yet. The second door is a gate. It's a glass door with a small opening on the top and on the bottom. Suddenly, everyone is trying to squeeze under the bottom of the door. We call Judy over because she's the smallest person there. She's about 5'1" and weights about 90lbs but she couldn't squeeze under the door. At that point I gave up. I went to my computer to look up the branch manager's cell number. He had just left about twenty minutes prior. I walked back around and saw DJ standing on a chair holding Judy by her feet over the top of the door. She was hanging upside down reaching for the door handle. I though I was going to have a fucking heart attack. I started yelling "You're going to fuckin' drop her!" I suddenly had a vision of her falling headfirst on the ground and getting knocked out.....behind a locked door.
Judy reached the handle and unlocked the door. I got my keys back and all was well in bankland. However, I will never let anyone touch my keys again.
Posted by drunkbh ::
7:56:00 AM ::
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