Dirty Blonde

Friday, December 30, 2005

Men vs Women

I'm in a survey kinda mood. Sooooo...... Here are some of the things that Someone and I have argued about.


Posted by drunkbh :: 12:44:00 AM :: 28 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Thursday, December 29, 2005

I need more opinions

Actually, I don't need more opinions. I just need more people to agree with me. I've had an on-going argument with Someone for a few years now. I believe that Someone is completely tone deaf.

Who was better in Van Halen? David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?
Say Sammy! Say Sammy! Say Sammy! Say Sammy!

I saw both of them perform together two years ago and David Lee Roth sucked monkey balls. He has totally lost his voice.(Not that it ever any good in the first place.) Sammy Hagar, however, sounds just like he did 20 years ago.

I know this is a stupid post but I need a little support here.

Now, to show my undying devotion to Sammy. Will the real Van Halen please stand up?

Van Halen
Can't Stop Lovin' You

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:36:00 PM :: 19 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Tales of Inbredville

I'm back from Inbredville and the trip was ummmm....... Interesting. I had decided to drive there because I'm just too damn cheap to pay $500.00 for a ticket. It would only cost about $200.00 in gas to drive there and back. I would pay for that decision on the drive back.

I'll start with the most memorable part of the trip. My cousin was put in the hospital my second day there. It seems that he has decided to become a junkie over the past year. His excuse was that he was upset over his divorce. He went from snorting cocaine and popping pills to shooting up OxyContin. I assume they grind then burn the pill so that it will be injectable. Basically, he shot up so much that both of his arms were infected to the point that he couldn't even move them. My family was scared to take him to the doctor because they were afraid they would give him more drugs. I kept telling them to just tell the doctor that he was a junkie and fix whatever was wrong but don't give him drugs. When they took him, the doctor told them that if they had waited any longer he would have died. At first they thought they were going to have to do surgery to remove tissue from his arms because they were so bad. Later they decided to poke holes in his arms to try to drain some of the infection. He will have to go to physical therapy to use his arms again. He is now a diabetic because of all the drugs that he did. He will have to take insulin for the rest of his life. Also, his kidneys and his liver are destroyed. I'm not sure what they plan to do about that. I became detached after learning that he refused to go to detox. He thinks he can get off the drugs by himself. Anyone that shoots up 500mg of Oxy a day can't do it themselves. By the way, Oxy has a street value of one dollar per mg. That means that he was spending about $500.00 a day on his habit. He has put his father in debt over 100K. His parents seem oblivious to it. They kept telling me that they would help him and he would beat it. They didn't want to believe that their son was so messed up that he needed outside help. I asked them how they were going to feel when he died. I asked them what they were going to tell his two small children about how their daddy died. I asked him the same thing. I know I seem like a cold bitch but I wanted to get the point across. He has a 2 year old and a 6 year old. They need to think about what this is doing to the children. His life should belong to those children not himself. I have no doubt that he will die if they don't get him in rehab. You can't force a person to go to rehab if they don't want to but they are not even willing to push the issue with him. Basically, I gave up.

On a lighter side, I did some shopping. I got an ankle bracelet and a navel ring ( Mine fell out at the last club I went to.) Also, I got a digital camera. I'm going to get into so much trouble with that thing.

I guess I should talk about the drive back. I took I40 which takes you through North Carolina. I40 takes you over the mountain in NC. My dumb ass decided to leave at midnight. It also happened to be the coldest day yet. This was the one day that I didn't call to get the temperature. It was ranging from 25 to 15 degrees. Anyhoo... As I was driving it started snowing. The higher on the mountain I got the more it snowed. It got to the point that it looked like a blizzard. I couldn't see the road. I couldn't see anything. Everything was white. This isn't a good predicament to be in when you've got a 300ft drop on one side of the road. Needless to say, my 12 hour drive took over 16 hours on the return trip.

I also fell in love on my vacation. Where I am from, they have absolutely no good radio stations. If you don't like country you are fucked. I did find one station that played a little Bud Light Rock and with some Pop and Rap. There was no real Rock or Metal. Why am I in love? I bought an adaptor that plays my IPod on my car stereo. I'd marry the thing if I could.

I'm back to the song of the day. I plan on playing a lot of this group until Feb. Who else can scream like that and still sound good.

Disturbed
Stricken

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:29:00 PM :: 19 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Sunday, December 18, 2005

I need Advil

I'm not sure where to begin about lastnight. I'll guess I'll start by saying that I can't walk straight. I had the biggest stud between my legs than I've had in ten years. I'm in pain. My legs hurt. My hands hurts. I feel like I've been rode hard and hung up wet. In a way I was. I guess it's best to start in the beginning.....

Jac, Des and I decided to hit the Hard Rock lastnight for and night of dancing and drinking. We accomplished these things and much more. We started out going to Passions. It probably has the best dance music plus you can dance on top of the speakers. Jac has a 'Too pretty to pay or wait pass.' That meant that we didn't wait in line because cute girls never have to pay to get in there. We might have drank about two drinks there when we decided to head over to another club. Honestly, I don't remember the name of the club. I only remember it because it has a mechanical bull, hence the big stud between my legs. I'll bet you thought I got some dick, huh? The line was enormous to get in. We waited about ten minutes when one of the bouncers came up to me and told me to follow him. That's right! Our asses got to cut in front of everyone. What a beautiful thing. Anyways, I hear some guy bitching as we enter the door. Later, Des tells me he was yelling "This is bullshit! You're gonna let those skanks in before us!" All I can say is that he's lucky I didn't hear that. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. If you throw an insult like that my way I will take your ass down by any means possible. Anyhooo..... I was the dumbass that said " Sure, I'll ride the bull." Well, they were more than happy to let me ride it. The guy that controlled the bull took great pleasure in seeing large breasts bouncing up and down on the bull. First, you have to sign a waiver to ride the bull. That should be the first clue. Clue number two would be seeing people go flying off it left and right. I have rode a mechanical bull about ten years ago. It is much harder than it looks. You have to have a great deal of leg strength because your hand will not keep you on that bull. You also have to try to keep your body at a 90 degree angle from the ground no matter what the bull is doing. Sooo.......yeah. I rode the bull. Jac and Des were screaming their lungs out. The guy that was controlling it kept telling me to pull my hair back. He just wanted to see tits bouncing. I did finally fall off. The guy kept telling me "Get back on. Get back on." Uhhhh...NO! By that time I was sweating like a nun in a whore house and my legs were aching. What hurts is when the bull bucks. Your body goes forward landing on handle thus crushing your hand and bruising your legs. Today, my inner thighs look like someone beat me with a broom and my hand has three cuts on it. Ahhhh..... The price I pay for an adrenaline rush.

After riding the bull, I was ready to hit the club and dance so we headed back to Passions. By then it was packed. We went in and scoped out a speaker to dance on. The speaker are huge. The are located on the four corners of the dance floor. If you get up on one to dance, everyone in the club will see you. Jac and I are exhibitionists. Des wouldn't get up there with us. Later, we ended up dancing on the floor. I had some guy that wouldn't leave me alone. Why the fuck do I get the guys that fall in love at the club? First, when he starts dancing with me he gets hard. I don't mean a little semi. I mean full-on rock-fucking-hard. Then he tries to kiss me. Sorry, not fucking gonna happen. I don't go to clubs to meet guys. There needs to be rules for these dumbasses so they will know what they can and can't do.
  • If you can't control your dick, don't be rubbing it against me. I don't want to feel that little thing against my ass.
  • Under no circumstances whatsoever, try to kiss me. Just because I dance with you for a few minutes, it doesn't mean I want your nasty fucking tongue down my throat.
  • Do not beg for my phone number. You will never get it. You didn't even get my real name.
  • Don't tell me how beautiful I am every ten minutes. Seriously, You think I don't already know. Okay, I know that sounded conceded but I know I look good as do tons of other women out there.
  • Don't tell me how special I am. You don't know me. I could be a serial killer. I could be totally psychotic.
  • Do not follow me out of the club. Don't follow me period. I already have one pet. I don't need a fucking lap-dog.

Okay, I feel better now. I really think some of these should be rules that all men should read before entering the club. It would make it so much easier on women worldwide.

I didn't get rid of "in-love boy' until we were almost back in the casino. Yes, he followed me out of the club. I guess he thought that if he begged enough I would give in. FYI- I hate weak men. Jac had some guy that she was dancing with follow her out as well, along with a few of his friends. Jac mentioned that she wanted to get something to eat and the guys wanted to go to. I have to admit that Jac's guy was nice. He was polite and kept his hands to himself unlike his friends. As I was walking I felt a hand on my ass. I was tired by this point and could find absolutely no humor in it. I turned around to see one of the guys smiling back at me. I said 'Don't! Not funny!" About one minute later, hand on the ass again. I might of lost it at this point. I turned around and screamed "If your hand touches my ass one more fucking time, you'll be picking you balls out of your nostrils." Needless to say, they didn't want to hang with us anymore. That was fine with me. I wanted to go home and go to sleep. By this time, it was around 5:30 in the morning. I had been up since 8:00 the previous morning. It was finally time for the long drive home.

Oh wait.... I did have one final little incident that I found amusing. I had a guy follow me on the elevator. We were on the 3rd floor. He was on the 2nd. He got off on his floor with his friend and just as the door was closing he put his hand in between to get back on the elevator. He gets back on and says "I'm sorry. I had to do that. What are you names? Actually, I'm interested in you." looking at me. I still didn't give my real name. I never do when I'm out. I have to give the guy credit. I liked his style. See what you want and go for it. He didn't even follow us off the elevator. Again, I like that. He wasn't the least bit attractive but if I had to pick a guy for the night it would have been him. There's a fine line between being arrogant and being bold. If a guy know how to walk that line it's sexy as hell. Unfortunately, they usually start veering towards the arrogant category.

I have one final thing to say besides the fact that I'm still in pain. I will be away until next Monday. I got places to go and people to see. I'm visiting my family for Christmas. I'm Tennessee bound..... Off to Inbredville!


Posted by drunkbh :: 2:00:00 PM :: 17 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Friday, December 16, 2005

Blogger

I hate word veriFUCKation. Recently, I think it has it in for me beacuse of my hatred. It's been giving me 8 or 9 letters like zikzxfflt. Plus, all the letters are slanted so you have a hard time telling what they are. I started a game once to see if I could come up with a sentence out of the letters but that became too damn difficult. Shouldn't word veriFUCKation be an actual word? Otherwise they should rename it to letter verification or let's see if you can read this verification.

Okay, I'm done bitching.

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:56:00 PM :: 15 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I have a guest


I've been stressed lately. Why? Because there's a fucking spider living in my car and the bitch is big. It probably killed the lizard that was living in my car last month. The worst part is that the little bastard has found a way in and out through my vent. I've seen it crawling across my dashborad as I was driving....almost wrecked. I saw it lastnight on the windshield as I driving. This may seem trivial to some but it fuckin' freaks my ass out. I actually have visions of it falling from my roof onto my head. Yes, that has happened before. For someone who HATES spiders so much, I seem to attract the little bastards. I've had more spiders crawling on my body than should be humanly possible. I'll admit it. I'm scared to get in my car especially at night. I think I'm going to bomb my car. Hopefully, next month another type of critter will take up residence in my car.

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:19:00 PM :: 16 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Monday, December 12, 2005

Hmmmmm.......

Does the Batmobile remind anyone else of something? I'm just wondering if Bruce Wayne is compensating for something.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:56:00 AM :: 28 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Thursday, December 08, 2005

Drinking 101

One Star Hangover(*)No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.
Four Star Hangover (****)Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

I have to say one thing. I never drink and drive EVER. But.... if I ever did, I want to be as smooth as this guy. I can't even say the alphabet backwards sober.

Posted by drunkbh :: 11:58:00 PM :: 18 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Adventures in tanning


I had to write about this again because it was one of the most memorable experiences I've ever had. I was under the impression that you go into a booth and something sprays the tanning solution on you. This is what a friend told me. Well..... My salon doesn't do it that way. Mine has a much more personal approach. They call you into a room and tell you to take off your clothes. Then, they tell you to place your hands over your head on the wall behind you. Did I say naked? Okay, now turn around so we can get the backside. Put your legs a little further apart. Now, she knows me just as well as my gynecologist. After they are done spraying you, they take a hairdryer to dry you off. Then they put powder on you. I felt like I was ready to go in a deepfryer after that. This stuff feels nasty on your body and you have to leave it in for 6 hours. 6 hours after I got it done was the middle of the night. Therefore, I slept in it. When I woke up, I looked like an Oompa Loompa. That's when the little debate starts in my head about whether or not I should call in. I decided to take a shower to wash the shit off to see if it looked any better. YES!!!!!! I looked like a normal person afterwards. Actually, it looks pretty fuckin' hot. I would recommend this as an alternative to sunbathing.... unless you have even an ounce of modesty.

Also, I want to thank Vic for finding another resemblance of me. This one is getting boned by a werewolf. Let's all give him a hand for this.

Posted by drunkbh :: 2:14:00 PM :: 12 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Wednesday, December 07, 2005





I'm going to get a spray tan after work today. I want to go to the party without hearing "Holy shit! WHITE GIRL!" Yeah, I'm pale. Living in Florida, you would think that I would have a nice tan. Unfortunatly, that's not the case. I look like a ghost. Anyways, this should be a humbling experience. I have a feeling it's gonna be like getting a Brazilian wax.

Posted by drunkbh :: 2:08:00 PM :: 14 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Question for the ladies.

My company's end of year celebration is this Saturday. It is a formal occasion. I've had my date for a month but I finally got my dress. The picture is similar to my dress. I'm starting to have a little problem with it though. It shows a lot of cleavage. I mean a lot. I didn't do this intentionally. It was the only dress that fit right. After I brought it home I starting doubting my choice. All the VPs will be down from Ohio and I will be there showing them my tits. Not really a good idea. I'm going to wear it regardless because I've looked forever for a dress and it was the only one suitable. My choices were fairly limited as usual because well....... I'm short. Full length dresses must be made for women 5'9' or taller because even with heels they are still way too long. I'm too fucking lazy to get them altered. If it doesn't fit off the rack, I won't buy it.

As I stated earlier, my dress is similar to this one. The top is made the same way but it doesn't look the same on me. It's not so bad that I need double-sided tape but it's pretty damn close.

Here's the question: How much cleavage is too much for a formal company party?

Taproot

Posted by drunkbh :: 8:24:00 AM :: 22 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Sunday, December 04, 2005

Is it fruit?


I saw the new Fruit Of The Loom commercial the other day and something struck me. What the fuck is that orange thing? I know there are red grapes(which are purple), green grapes and an apple. It looks like a shriveled up orange. Is is supposed to be leaves? If so, I don't believe that could be classified as fruit. I've seen these commercials most of my life but I have never wondered what that thing was until now.

I know...... I should be pondering something more important like the meaning of life but I can't get this out of my head.

Posted by drunkbh :: 11:13:00 PM :: 17 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Saturday, December 03, 2005

December 3, 2001


I remember....... You saved my life once when we were children. I wish I had been there to save your's.

You know what this means.

Posted by drunkbh :: 10:38:00 AM :: 0 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Friday, December 02, 2005

I love winter!

I love winter. The reason is quite simple. The winter in Florida becomes concert utopia. There are two upcoming concerts that can only be described as musical orgasms.

Buzz's bake sale (tomorrow)
Staind
Trapt
Taproot
Our Lady Of Peace
My Chemical Romance
And many more.....

Christmas Khaos (Dec. 16th)
Korn
Mudvayne
Sevendust
Drowning Pool
And many more....

And now for the finale...... Drumroll please

Disturbed will be here Feb 16th (3 days after Vic's 21st birthday)

Damn... I'm gonna need a cigarette after all this.


Rob Zombie

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:36:00 PM :: 11 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------


Thursday, December 01, 2005

You know you're a drunk when.....

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job is interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.
Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor..
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
I'm as sober as a judge.
The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night

Posted by drunkbh :: 5:20:00 AM :: 11 comments

Post a Comment

-------------------------------------