Dirty Blonde

Dirty Blonde

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

I'm a retard

Today should officially be labeled 'DB is retarded day.' I have three reasons why I am a retard today(only today).

1- I came in to work early so I could test our alarms to make sure they are working. I have to test them on a monthly basis and I saved it until the last day of the month. This must be done when there are no customers in the bank so that means either early in the morning or after we close. I have to call and have us put in test mode. Then, I have to enter test mode on our keypad. For some reason, the alarms were not working.....Not a single one. It only took me about 3 hours to figure out why they didn't work. I never touched the keypad thus never initiating the test. I'm only telling this to the blogworld. Everyone at the bank thinks our alarms are just fucked up.

2- This one I couldn't hide from the bank. As I was walking around bitching about the alarms, one of the girls yells "Hey DB, you have two different shoes on!" I yell back 'No, I don't" as I look down and see that I actually do have two different shoes on. They weren't even similar. One was leather while the other was cloth. The heels were different heights. At least they were the same color. FYI- I gave our branch manager shit for doing the exact same thing about a month ago. I razzed him for about a week. Let's hope he is more forgiving.

3- I was in too much of a hurry to get home for lunch. I was driving down a backstreet looking at the car in front of me that was parked. I was getting mildly irritated because it looked like they were parked right at the stop sign, the sign I had to make a right at. I was trying to figure out if there was an actual person in the car when I realized that they were NOT parked at the stop sign. There were parked after the intersection. I on the other hand was getting ready to speed through it. I slammed on my brakes so hard I think I gave myself whiplash. I wonder how many years that scare took of my life.

Let's see what else I can fuck up today.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:41:00 PM :: 15 comments

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Monday, November 28, 2005

I'm having a hard time with this one.

Blue eyes - People with blue eyes have the most sex positions and techniques. They're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY experience.

Brown eyes - People with brown eyes last the longest in bed. They are very satisfying and love to please and can EXCEED your pleasure standards.

Green eyes - People with green eyes have the most passion put into having sex. They don't have sex with strangers and rarely will have a one night stand, therefore they have lasting relationships with great sex.

Hazel eyes - Very mysterious and unpredictable. They're usually into the leather bondage scene and getting into costumes such as maids, nurses, schoolgirls etc. You never know what's coming next with hazel eyes.

Posted by drunkbh :: 5:19:00 PM :: 16 comments

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Repetition

I hate Mondays. This one is especially bad.

I need a break.
I need a vacation.
I need a valium before I throttle one of these dumbasses.

My day started great. The main vault wouldn't open. That means that we had no access to cash or any type of bank checks since they are all locked up in there. The customers were being ridiculous.
Dumbfuck customer: You should do something about this. This is irritating.
Me/manager: And what would you suggest I do? I've already called the locksmith. I can't magically open it but you are more than welcome to try if you think you can.

I wanted to tell the fucker that I'll just go out back and shit some money out for him. He's gives me shit and I'll give him a little back.

The locksmith still hasn't arrived. I called at 7:45 am.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:36:00 PM :: 13 comments

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Friday, November 25, 2005

Black Friday

It's Black Friday

To all of you people crazy enough to go to the malls,

Good fucking luck! I'll be shopping from my computer. The shipping charges are well worth my sanity.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:00:00 AM :: 20 comments

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Office Supply Wednesday

Happy Office Supply Wednesday! Shanshu came up with this idea. You must post a picture of something on your desk. I don't remember all the rules. You'll need to give him a visit for that.

I have two things to point out besides the fact that my desk is a complete cluster-fuck.

1- The stuffed Toucan bird on my monitor. It showed up about a month ago. I have no idea who put it there but I'm not feeding the bastard.

2- The tree-looking thing on my side desk. I received it two years ago at a birthday party that my friends threw me in a club. It was lost for about a year and a half but miraciously reappeared a few months ago. I have no idea how it made it from the club to the bank.

Posted by drunkbh :: 7:40:00 AM :: 13 comments

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Saturday sucked

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.....So did mine. Just once, I would like to accomplish what I set out to do. I have to admit that the weather did have a lot to do with it. We had a downpour Saturday. This hampered my Ft. Liquordale plan. None of us wanted to walk around in the pouring rain looking for clubs. We settled for a place, Beachfront, that was covered and had a few clubs to choose from. They were ummmmmm....... fuck it! They were BORING!!!!

This is the first club that we went to. They had dueling pianos. It was mildly entertaining for about two minutes. Amy, Slutgirl and I got some guy to take our picture. I'm still smiling in the picture so we must have just got there.

We decided that club #1 sucked ass so we moved onto club #2. As we were getting ready to leave, we ran into a co-worker Jo-Jo. What are the chances of that? She was on a hot date. She was also way more trashed than us. We should have stayed at this bar. The bartender was sending us drinks on the dancefloor. Ummmmm... Did I say free drinks?

We moved from club#2 to club #3. Club#3 was at the Hard Rock. It was a new club called Spirits. Amy had to go there because her boyfriend was there. We make it past the front and as we are entering the club the guy was ready to let us in and the chick tells him to make us pay. Pay what? Twenty fucking dollars!!!!! I'm not paying twenty dollars to get in any club unless I plan on seeing some strippers. Amy nixed that idea. I let her have her way because it was her birthday celebration. To make a long story short, we got in and we didn't pay. I have to say that place was not worth twenty dollars. Amy stayed at the bar while Slutgirl and I danced. I'm not sure why she's giving me a What The Fuck look.

This picture is from club#2. I'm calling them club #1 and club#2 because I don't remember their names. Normally I like to put the pictures in order of event but I had to save this little gem for last. I really had no idea what we had caught on film. Jo-Jo was dancing with her date. Slutgirl thought it would be cute to run up behind him and start dancing on him. Jo-Jo didn't mind neither did he. When I first saw the picture I was laughing because it looked like he had a face full of titties. That's not the best part. Look where he has his hands.

Kanye West

I'll bet this song shocked the hell out of everyone.

Posted by drunkbh :: 3:10:00 AM :: 15 comments

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Ahhhhhhhh..........

This is a service announcement to all you young bloggers.

Don't drink and blog!

It's almost as bad a drunk calling. That being said, I think I should quit now.

Posted by drunkbh :: 5:23:00 AM :: 13 comments

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Friday, November 18, 2005

It's stupid. I know.

I couldn't help myself. Afterall, my name does mean princess.

Your results:
You are Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman		80%
The Flash		75%
Supergirl		70%
Iron Man		70%
Robin		60%
Batman		55%
Hulk		55%
Green Lantern		55%
Spider-Man		45%
Catwoman		40%
Superman		15%

You are a beautiful princess
with great strength of character.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

Posted by drunkbh :: 7:42:00 PM :: 11 comments

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CheeseTrust Bank

I'm going to start a series. Okay, not really a series but I have some seriously wicked e-mails going back and forth at the bank. There is a meaning behind the title. That will be explained in another post.

Managers meeting- Our branch manager had been calling way too many meetings. I decided to set up my own meeting. When they recieve this e-mail, they must either accept or decline the meeting. One of them actually did accept it. Also, the names have been changed to protect the innocent....... and me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
-----Original Appointment-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 12:13 PM
To: Mark; Desi; Mary; Terri
Subject: Changes to the team agreement
When: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 12:30 PM-1:30 PM (GMT-05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada). Where: Cheetah(a local sleezy strip club)

We are going to discuss the dress code. From business attire to go-go shorts. We feel that this attire would bring in a new clientele that would be more profitable to the company and would make the work environment much more enjoyable. We have already decided where the girls will be taking deposits and where withdrawals will be given out.
We are also going to discuss rescheduling the picnic. Since you don't have a pool, we propose a new location. One of the managers here came up with the brilliant idea of having it at Hooters.

The only response I got from the branch manager was him walking out looking at me and saying "I quit!"

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:05:00 AM :: 9 comments

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Thursday, November 17, 2005

Woo Hoo

Amy, my love

Happy birthday to you!

You live in a zoo!

You look like a monkey!

And you smell like one too!

PS- You will recieve your present Saturday.

Posted by drunkbh :: 2:48:00 PM :: 5 comments

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Lies Lies Lies

Sorry but I have to bitch a little. I have a huge fucking pet peeve. I hate being lied to. I know. I know. Everybody does. I don't mean convenience lies, the ones that you to tell rather than give some huge explanation that wouldn't make a difference either way in the end. My problem is that I have a keen bullshit radar. I can usually tell when someone is lying to me. If I know for a fact that someone is lying to me, you're damn right, I'm going to call their ass out. But, if my bullshit radar goes off and I'm not sure about it, I'll just sit back and observe. If it goes off again, their stock just went down 10%.

Examples:
Men- I'll start with the men that are trying to score. They'll tell you anything to get a piece. "I love you. I've never felt like this before." *cough* *Bullshit* *cough* What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Okay, so maybe this works on some women but I'd rather have a guy be honest for once. I would prefer "You know, I really want to fuck you." to all the rest of the bullshit. At least it's honest.

Employees- It's my job at the bank to make sure we are in compliance. Basically, I have to make sure all the shit is done correctly. If it's wrong, it's my ass no matter who screwed up. If they fuck up, I must know immediately in order to correct it. For instance, I get a call from the beneficiary of a deceased accountholder. It seems the account was closed after their death but not by the beneficiary. Here's what went down
Me:"Who closed the account?"
Dumbass employee: "The power of attorney."
Me: "Did you know the accountholder was dead?"
Dumbass employee: "Ummm...."
Me: "Fine! Did you have them sign the affidavit?"
Dumbass employee: "What affidavit?"
Me: "The affidavit that states that the POA has not been revoked and that the person is still alive. You know, the one that will keep your ass from being canned?"
Dumbass Employee- "Oh.... yeah."
Needless to say dumbass employee did not have them sign the affidavit. Why is this important? Because a POA basically dies with the person. You are acting on their behalf. You can't act on the behalf of a dead person. This one was a real fucking sweet mess to clean up.

Friends- Most of my friends know me well enough not to lie to me. But every now and then, one of them will try to pull one over on me. These are usually the little white lies that are told to persuade another into a certain way of thinking. I once had a friend(still do) that didn't want to ride with the group to the club. I know why. She wanted to leave early. She didn't say that though. I heard "I don't think we should ride with Celia. She's had a lot to drink(one drink). Also, I don't like the way she drives. She scare me. You know what I mean? Me and you should ride together." Not only did she want to leave early, she also wanted company along the way. I knew what was going on but I just couldn't play along. Had she asked me honestly, I would have ridden with her. Because she tried to fool me, bitch rode alone.

I am not shy, vulnerable, sensitive, forgetful or, passive. I am stubborn, aggressive and a bitch. Still, I get lied to.

I seem to be on a Default kick recently. So sue me!

Default

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:17:00 PM :: 30 comments

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

La la la la la

Sorry, there's nothing here for you. I was busy somewhere else tonight. I'm just dropping a line to let you know that my post is here. It was a group effort.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:51:00 AM :: 18 comments

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Monday, November 14, 2005

Weekends

Has anyone else noticed that the weekends just don't last long enough? I'm starting a petition that we should extend the weekend to at least 4 days.

Here's the new calender week:
Monday=work
Tuesday=work
Wednesday=work
Thursday=work
Friday=work
Saturday=party
KinkySexDay=party *Courtesy of HighMaintenenceHussy*
DBday=party... hey, this was my idea!
Sunday=recovery

I need to restart my brain. I can't get this fucking song out of my head. I guess it's better than having that stupid Fanta jingle in there. I heard it last night and it just stuck there.

Danzig

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:10:00 AM :: 20 comments

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Sunday, November 13, 2005

Yesterday

For some unknown reason I volunteered to work yesterday. It was actually Slutgirl's turn but she had things to do. None of the other managers wanted to work two Saturdays in a row. I chose to take Thursday off since we were closed on Friday. This had to be the most interesting Saturday that I have worked yet.

Overall, the day went fairly well. I had a few customers whom I had to talk to because they had their panties in a knot. Most of our customers are elderly. Who am I kidding? They are all fuckin' ancient. This is the reason why when a hot guy does walk into the bank, the phones start buzzing. "Hey DB, check it out 10 o'clock." The temperature suddenly rises and the girls all forget how to do anything. There is one guy in particular that gets all of the girls hot and bothered. Alas, he didn't grace us with his presence yesterday. Okay, okay, okay! I stop talking about the hotties and get on with the events of the day.

It was just about time to lock the bank up. We close at 3pm on Saturdays. I was in the BM's office going over the projects for next week. Guess who I will delegate those to? As we were talking, I heard a screeching sound followed by a loud crash. Then I heard DJ yell "Ooooh shit!"

My BM jumped up and took off towards the front door. I later learned that his wife was waiting outside for him and he thought someone had hit her car. I ran out of the office and saw Vic walking out the front door with our BM trailing behind him.

When I got to the door, I couldn't believe what I saw. Someone had ran over the curb and crashed into the pillar next to our door. They didn't bump it. They fucking nailed it. The car was totaled. People were screaming "Call 911!"

The crashers were old. I mean OLD! At first I thought that they were backing up and had put it in drive instead of reverse. This is a common thing with the elderly down here. The are looking behind them and don't realize that they are going forward until CRASH! This unfortunately was not the case with this couple. Vic happened to at that door because he was locking it so we could close for the day. He was watching these people pull in so he waited because he knew he was going to have to tell them that we were closed.

Here's what they did. They pulled into the parking space and stopped. Next, they just rocket forward and crash into us. If they had picked the next parking place over, they would have ran right through our glass doors and directly over Vic.

Here's what freaks me out. These people are driving on the same roads as me. The old man said that he though that he hit the brake. I don't believe that he was telling the truth. His foot was already on the brake. He stopped before he slammed into us. He had to remove his foot from the brake and place it on the accelerator. He also had to of slammed down on the accelerator hard. I can't describe how bad this car looked. I'm sure it will have a salvage title on it soon. Had they not been wearing their seatbelts, they would have went through the windshield. I'm sure they are feeling it today though.

I would also guess that this guy got his license renewed through the mail. Fuck, I hate Florida!

Posted by drunkbh :: 10:41:00 AM :: 26 comments

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Friday, November 11, 2005

Is there a pill for this?

I have an addiction. I have finally come to terms with it....somewhat. I can go for days even weeks without it but then it starts calling me. I'm at my weakest when I am off on weekdays. This week I had two off in a row. My first day, I did great. I kept the temptation at bay. Today, I broke. I couldn't resist. I felt it drawing me in and I was captive. I went into a frenzy. When I finally stopped, I realized the damage that I had done.

No more online shopping for me.... at least for a week or two.
Damn you Victoria's Secret!
Damn you Sephora!

Song of the day:

Staind

Price To Play

Posted by drunkbh :: 11:04:00 PM :: 14 comments

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Trouble

Date: November 19, 2005
Plan: Trouble
Reason: It is Amy's birthday on the 17th.

It has become a tradition that we must celebrate each other's birthday's to the fullest extent humanly possible. This of course means a night of drinking and debauchery. I haven't been out since the night before the hurricane. I am in serious need of nighttime recreational activities.

Activities:
Strip Clubs, we plan on visiting both. Each have their own appeal.
Male- The women there go nuts. They're like a pack of dogs in heat. They shove bills down their shirts for the strippers to fish them out with their teeth. Then the women proceed to scream and pant like suddenly their g-spot migrated north between their tits. Also, it's always nice to see some swinging dick.
Female- The men are idiots. They will drop hundreds of dollars to have some chick grind on them for an hour or two. I never cease to get my jollies out of this. Plus, a pack of hot women will attract a lot of attention in a place like this. "Hmmm...Are they lesbians? Are we going to see some action?" Last time I went, I got the best lap dance. She really liked me and I mean really.

Dancing, I'm not sure where we will accomplish this. I assume it will either be the Hard Rock or Ft Lauderdale. As long as it has a stage(or on top of a speaker) I'm happy. Yep, I'm one of those chicks that gets on stage and starts grinding. This ,of course, requires one of my friends to get up there with me. As of yet, none of them have acquired the necessary balls to accomplish this. That's okay because I always find someone willing. It's nice to know the world is full of exhibitionists.

Song of the day: This is also the most wicked video I have ever seen.

Gorrilaz

Feel Good, Inc.

Posted by drunkbh :: 3:31:00 AM :: 26 comments

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Thursday, November 10, 2005

The Price Is Right?

What would you do for a million dollars? How far would you take it? Inquiring minds want to know.

I got this idea from Insanityinsk. She has some funny, interesting tales. You should go visit her.

Would you fuck a horse?
No.... But does a guy that is hung like a horse count?
Would you let people watch you have sex?
Uhhh...Yeah. Hell, for a million I'd even let them tape it. Vic, get the camera.
Would you have sex with someone of the opposite sex that you normally do? Would you switch teams?
Let's say we're not talking about A. Jolie, whom I would pay a million for. The answer would still be yes.
Would you perform anal sex?
Provided there was plenty of lube....Yes.
Would you participate in fetish activities?
Shit. I'd do that for free.... unless it involves horses.
Would you kill someone?
No...What good would a million do me when I am in jail for the rest of my life?
Would you hurt someone you love?
I would like to say no but in reality that's a lot of fucking money. I'm guessing it wouldn't take a million to be forgiven.
Would you eat shit?
Ummm....If I could get stoned first. Everything tastes good when you are stoned.
Would you alienate yourself from everyone you care about?
No.... They are worth more than that to me.
Would you masturbate in public?
Who says I don't? I would have to say yes. There would be exceptions to this. I couldn't do it in a church unless it's Calzone's and then it would be acceptable.

Song of the day. I have one thing to say. DAMN, I love Chris Cornell.

Audioslave

Show Me How to live

Posted by drunkbh :: 2:05:00 AM :: 35 comments

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

WARNING!! DANGER AHEAD!

I finally got the pictures back from Halloween Horror Nights. It wasn't quite as eventful as I had hoped but we still had a good time.

This is Slutgirl and me. I had to take a picture next to the warning sign. This was also the one and only ride that I waited in line for, 45 minutes. After that, it was drinking time. Okay, so maybe it was drinking time before but it was really drinking time after.

Joan and I decided that we had enough of the rides. So....we lost Vic and SG, not intentionally, and headed to the bar. SG finally caught up to us there. I think Vic took this pic but I'm not sure. BTW- He won't let me post his pic. Sorry Puzzy.

There is nothing more humbling than posting a fucked up picture of yourself. I have no fucking idea what I was doing. But yeah, I was trashed.

At last, my henna tattoo. It wasn't what I expected. This is a few hours after it was done. It darkened by the next day. It wore off within a week. I'm still debating the real one. I was told today that on the lower back it means that you like to fuck doggy or you're a slut. What's wrong with that?

BTW- I passed out a few minutes after this pic was taken. I woke up exactly the same way.

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:26:00 AM :: 27 comments

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Sunday, November 06, 2005

Home Sweet Home

I thought I would share a few pictures of what my town looked like. They have cleaned most of this up but there are still streets that are closed.

A big fucking tree took out the power lines and covered the road. Also, I'm not sure what that is in the picture. I'm hoping it's her finger.

This is my friend's boyfriend's apartment complex. I'm sure that shit was fun to clean up.

This is a view of the street that I live on. Yes, there is a sidewalk there.

Ficus trees don't do very well in hurricanes. They are top-heavy and they have shallow roots. FYI- This is not my car. We removed the tree before I thought about taking pictures.

These are my favorite pictures. It is a co-worker's apartment complex. All that shit on the ground was their roof.

Sidenote- I spent 5 hours today fixing my computer. I restored the system which wiped everything out. Then I spent hours loading all my programs back on. I did however lose all of my songs that I had on ITunes. I got my scanner working and I fixed yahoo. WOO-HOO!

Posted by drunkbh :: 2:01:00 AM :: 29 comments

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Saturday, November 05, 2005

I'VE BEEN COCKBLOCKED!

I have soooo been cockblocked. Technology has been giving me the big "Fuck you!" today.

1- I'll start with last night. I can't get my scanner to work. It will print pictures. It will even scan a picture and print it. It will NOT scan a picture to my PC. I just got the pictures from HHN that I want to post plus a few hurricane pictures that are freaky.

2- We have been blocked from Blogger at my job. How do I know? Halfway through my 11 fucking hour day it told me access denied. Do these fuckers actually think that I am going to actually work all day?

3- I can't get Yahoo Messenger working. I have uninstalled and installed it several times to no avail. I even tried repairing it which only locks my computer up. It only took me two times to figure that shit out.

4- And it just keeps getting better! MSN messenger wouldn't work either. It only took about an hour for me to get that shit up and running. However, I have lost all my contacts.

I realize that cockblock probably isn't the proper term for this but it sure as hell feels like it.

Vic- Use MSN (DB @ my hotmail address)

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:04:00 AM :: 15 comments

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Friday, November 04, 2005

How it all began

I met JH in September of 2001. My first impression was that she was a really sweet girl. Didn't seem like the type that really partied...probably still a virgin. This is one of the reasons that I have learned never to trust first impressions. First impressions sure can be deceiving. We started going to local bars and just hanging out. That's when we learned of each other's love of music. JH prefers Rock and Punk. I prefer more of a variety with a tendency towards Hard Rock/Industrial Metal.

Fast forward about 3 years- We start talking about an upcoming concert...Velvet Revolver-JH's favorite. I thought they were good but nothing that's going to get me hot and bothered. We began to make our plans. It seemed simple enough. I was off on the day that the tickets went on sale. It was my job to get the tickets on Ticketmaster/Ticketmasterbator. The tickets went on sale at noon. I sat at my computer at 11:50 ready get my pit tickets. It had already been decided that we had to get in the pit. This was to be my first concert with one of my girls. I wanted to experience as much as I could. Anyways, at noon I began searching for tickets on Ticketmasterbator. For any of you that have ever been on Ticketmasterbator, you know what a drawn out, agonizing process that it is. You have to select the number of tickets then the seating preference. After that is completed, you must type in the idiotic word that appears and wait for them to find the tickets. The best seats that I could find were about 12 rows back. This went on for about 4 hours. The seats kept getting worse. Finally, I decided to take another route before I had a nervous breakdown. I began checking various ticket broker sites. The prices were ridiculous. They wanted $350.00 per ticket. If I am going to get screwed that good, I at least expect a phone call afterwards. My last option was E-bay. After being outbid twice, I took the purchase now option. After all was said and done, I shelled out $248.00 for 2 tickets that were originally $80.00 each. Although I didn't receive a call afterwards, at least I got good feedback. I guess you can't win them all.

Day of concert- To say that I was amped would have been an understatement. Our plan was to get there about an hour before the concert was to start. That would give us time to get a few beers and find a good place in the pit. Things never go according to plan. After starting out 15 minutes late, we began the hour drive to the venue. That's when the downpour began. Karma was not in our favor during the drive. We finally made it to the concert about 30 minutes before it started. This was after about 3 u-turns because we couldn't find the regular parking. All we could find was the Premier Parking for $20.00 and VIP Parking which wasn't even obtainable. So we shelled out another $20.00 for the Premier Parking, which came in handy later. It was still pouring while we ran inside. I shouldn't say inside because this was an outdoor venue. The only thing covered is the stage and seats. We looked like drowned rats by the time we made it past the gate. The first stop was to get beer then we could get under cover. By the time we got in the pit, the front was already taken. We scoped out the scene trying to figure out the best place to squeeze our way up front. We finally decided on a location that seemed to be filled with mostly younger men. We would just flirt our way up front. Yes, women are very conniving. It's amazing how slow times goes when you are waiting for something. I believe I drank 3 beers in a matter of 30 minutes waiting for the concert to begin. I was unsuccessful in talking the security guard into getting our beers for us. He said he would but when it came down to it he didn't go. Damn these men that take their jobs seriously. After beer #3, the biker came up to us. JH believes he was a warlock. A huge lightbulb went off in my head. He can get us up front. I know..conniving. So, we began to talk to the biker. He actually turned out to be the coolest person that we met that night. He cleared a place for us to dance. He kept shoving all the guys around us saying "Look, look, let them dance. Give them room!" He gave us a card that read WARLOCKS Motorcycle Club- Fight, Fuck & Ride Motorcycles. Love the card, still have it. After the opening band(a local no-name) started, he went with JH to get another beer. He was our guarantee that she would get back up front with me...conniving. All went well until they were on their way back. Biker got into a fight with some other guy. Needless to say we lost him. There goes our protection. That's when we found our next targets. Dan and Mike. They were standing directly in front of us. Ahh..ha, they would let us in front of them, then we would be directly in front of the stage...conniving. It was going pretty good so far.Things started to get a little wild from this point on. I was starting to feel the effects of drinking 3/4 beers too fast. I have a 4 drink maximum. After that, I will be hugging the porcelain god. Hoobastank, the supporting act, came on second. The pit suddenly became a lot smaller. I had worked my way in front of Mike with JH by my side. We were pretty much lusting after the lead guitar player. The best part was that he was checking us out too. This might have been because we were the only females in the pit that didn't look like bulldogs, but I'll take it as a compliment either way. During Hoobastank's set, our time was divided between messing with Dan and Mike, eyeing the guitar player, dancing/grinding on each other and flirting with the security guard...I still wanted him to go get us beers.

When the shit hit the fan-Supporting act leaves and Velvet Revolver comes on. Suddenly the pit went apeshit. I grabbed a hold of Dan and held on for dear life. Being the only females in the pit suddenly became a drawback. Things didn't calm down until they were into their 3rd or 4th song. By this time, I was officially drunk, which is why JH gave the the name Drunk Bitch. When I am drunk, my mind can't keep up with my mouth. All those rude things that I normally wouldn't say come spilling out like a fountain. I have always been straightforward but I know how to edit myself. Alcohol takes away my internal edit button. Enough about my self-proclaimed perverted bitchiness. JH and I were dancing/grinding and basically putting on a better show than what was on stage. That's when I heard some guy behind me saying something in Spanish that I thought was puta, which means slut. I knew he wasn't talking to us but I had to turn around and ask "Did you just say puta?" The guy started laughing and said "I would never say that in front of such a beautiful woman" Like I'm supposed to fall for bullshit like that. The only reason I talked to him was because I thought that I recognized one of the few Spanish words that I know. We began to go over my small knowledge of Spanish obscenities. I was actually worried about my top being pulled down because I wore a tube top. Little did I know that my ass would be the target that night. I turned around because I was done talking to puta-boy. I never did catch his name. I proceed to start dancing again. Isn't that what you are supposed to do at a concert? Suddenly, I notice that someone's groping my ass. At first, I think that it is JH putting on a show for our audience. When I finally turn around, it's not JH with a handful of ass but puta-boy. I said "Okay, you've had enough of my ass. Leave it alone." That's when he started on JH. He started dancing behind her. I can only assume that he was grabbing her ass as well because the next thing she knew her belt was being undone. I'm sure you're wondering how this could happen and us not notice these things. While all of this was going on we were still being pushed and shoved in different directions. In the pit there is no such thing as personal space. I'm not sure how she got rid of puta-boy, but he was finally gone. I began to dance with JH again, I thought. I felt her hands around my waist. Suddenly, the hands start going up my stomach and down my legs. I look down and see some really big hands, not JH. I think it was Mike but to be honest I can't say for sure. It stopped when I turned around. Yes, we still had Mike and Dan there to protect us. The crowd started getting wilder again. I got hit in the head a few times by body-surfers. This has to be the dumbest move you can make at a concert. You get floated around on top of the crowd hoping to make it over the gate. If you happen to make it there your ass is gone. Security will grab you as soon as you're within reach and promptly kick you out. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 you fucking idiot. I was having a great time until some asswipe decided to rush the stage with his arms swinging wildly. I ,of course, got elbowed in the eye. That shit HURT! I turned around and started screaming at asswipe "What the fuck is your problem? You just hit me in the eye." He just stopped and looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. I was ready to fight. I was going to fight. If he had said sorry I would have calmed down but instead he just kept that blank expression on his face. That's when Mike grabbed him and shoved him back. This ,of course, led to punches swinging. Woo-hoo! That's fight #2 we started. I felt like such a bad girl then. JH asked me what the hell was wrong with me for trying to take on a 6ft tall guy. Don't know. At that moment, it really needed to be done. I wasn't worried about the consequences then...isn't it amazing how alcohol can make you feel like your 10ft tall and bulletproof. For someone that's 5'4 118lbs that's quite an accomplishment. I believe that I made it out of the pit without being fondled or hit after that. I'm not sure about the fondled but I know that I didn't get hit anymore.

In the end- After the last song, we said our goodbyes and thanks to Dan and Mike. You didn't think that we were going to go home with them, did you? As if! On our way out, we meet Jam. No joke this is a real name. I had to ask him a few times because I couldn't get over it. I wonder if any siblings are named Jelly . Truthfully, I don't remember how we met him. JH said he started talking to me as we walking out towards the vending area. My first memory of him was when JH and I were at the booth to buy t-shirts. I felt someone groping my ass again. Jam! I don't recall having any type of conversation with him before he felt the need to check out the goods. Thankfully it was only one grope. He stopped when told to. JH and I became enthralled with a conversation with the girl selling t-shirts. She looked exactly like Katie Holmes. She said that she hears that all the time and hates it because Katie has herpes. She didn't like being compared to a girl with herpes. Who would? This of course was news to me. Watch out Tom. Maybe your Scientology can cure her without any medication. EEEWW! We ended up buying two shirts at $40.00 each. It is a must to buy a shirt at each concert as a memento. I had my own little memento on my eye which didn't turn it's pretty bluish-purple until the next morning. We finally made our way to the car with Jam following close behind. This is where the Premier Parking came in handy. It was actually pretty close which was a good thing because I was plastered by then. Jam kept asking for our phone number which we never gave. When we got to the car, we asked him to take our picture. It turned out pretty good considering what we had been through. I look pretty sober and JH looks drunk. He finally left saying he would call us. Obviously, he was just as drunk as me because he still had not gotten our number. Yeah buddy, you call me at 1-800-DUMBASS! We were finally ready to go home. The drive home went fairly well until I decided to light up a cigarette. Within 5 seconds I said "Pull over!" JH pulled over for me and opened the door....Ralph. We were on a busy highway and I'm hanging out the car like an idiot. I felt like a teenager that has no business drinking. That night and the next morning wasn't any better. I had a hangover for most of the next day.

Was it all worth it? The total cost was around $400.00 including the beers at $7.00 a pop. I had the hangover of my life and a blackeye. After all that, how could we want to go back? How could we not? I'm not saying it's better than sex but it's damn close. We had tickets for every rock concert that came within driving distance afterwards. It became an addiction. There's nothing that beats the euphoria of it.There you have it. How it all began. I'm sure it wasn't as entertaining for you as it was for me. I'll guarantee that I left things out but part of the night was a blur. This was the story of how a rockwhore is made.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:10:00 AM :: 15 comments

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Why I didn't go to sleep until 2am

Do you ever get caught up in a conversation that lasts way too long?

This part was regarding where I should get a tattoo.

drunkbh: small of the back?
wichi_d2: It looks like you want to be fucked doggie and place your shot in the middle
drunkbh: And that's a bad thing?
wichi_d2: dependin on who yeah

Talking about what to get a friend for her birthday. I'm not sure how the conversation evolved to this.

wichi_d2: give her a hug and five pounds of meat... NO pun intended
drunkbh: 5 lbs
drunkbh: uh huh?
wichi_d2: ... you know how heavy is five pounds for it to be a part of male genetelia?
drunkbh: I'm guessing way way toooooooo big
wichi_d2: it would hurt carrying it around
wichi_d2: and at 5 pounds, Im guessing its not very stable
wichi_d2: nor able to get very ah solid
wichi_d2: just imagine all the blood that has go there, the guy might die
drunkbh: he would pass out
drunkbh: no blood in his head
drunkbh: the one above his neck

Conversation regarding therapy for premature ejaculation

wichi_d2: do we take tickets or make an appoinment how does it work?
drunkbh: try an appointment
drunkbh: I'm taking appointments now
wichi_d2: can I have the sunday at 9 o'clock?
drunkbh: ummm
drunkbh: ley me check my calender
drunkbh: how about 10:30
wichi_d2: nah it wont leave enough time for the football game
drunkbh: your loss
wichi_d2: how bout quickies during commercials

The best part of the conversation

wichi_d2: the other day on the radio this guy called in
wichi_d2: he said that hes got a problem
wichi_d2: that when he have sex with his gf, he would suck on her toes and get off on it.
wichi_d2: however heres the kicker
wichi_d2: while sucking on her toes, he fantasizes about a male penis!
drunkbh: small penis at that, huh?
wichi_d2: the thing is the gf is listening to the show and recognizes his voice
wichi_d2: calls in the station and they start fighting over the phone
wichi_d2: she says on top of having a small dick you're gay?
drunkbh: I just spit pepsi everywhere

I heard this on the radio today and laughed my ass off. It's a parody about S Florida.

Welcome To The Tropics.

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:59:00 AM :: 13 comments

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Fuck Me!

Catchy isn't it? Seriously, that seems to be one of my favorite sayings for some reasons. I use it as an expression of surprise. I've started noticing that when I say it to men they only hear those two words. They don't hear what I say prior to those two words or after them.
Example of a real conversation on the phone today:
Me: Fuck me! I can't believe that happened.
Him: Huh?
Me: Didn't you hear me?
Him: All I remember is fuck me.
Me: I said Fuck me. I can't believe that happened.
Him: I'm sorry but all I hear is fuck me. DB, when you say that, all a guy hears is fuck me.

Also, I'm changing my picture. You can thank Puzzy for this one. When I saw it, it reminded me of myself. I guess it's the hair.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:00:00 AM :: 21 comments

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Wake me up please!

I seem to be having the same dreams over and over again. There are slight variations from dream to dream but overall it's the same scenarios. I wish my imagination was as good when I'm asleep as it is when I'm awake.

Dream #1- I keep dreaming that I am losing my teeth. I know it sounds strange but in my dreams it's really disturbing. They just start falling out one by one. Some of them just break apart while others come out whole. The entire time I am walking around with my hand over my mouth so that no more will fall out. In the end, I look like the toothless wonder(that's a nice visual). This has been the most common dream recently. I'm not sure what it means. I'm not going to look it up because it's probably going to tell me that I'm vain.

Dream #2- I'm climbing a mountain. I've been mountain climbing several times so it's not like "Oh shit! What do I do now?" The only problem is that I'm doing it with no gear. I've fallen several times in my dreams but have always come out unscathed. Maybe that is why this dream doesn't scare me. I'm always climbing to get to someplace important. I have yet to make it to the final destination. Maybe that's why I keep having this dream.

Dream #3- I'm going to call this one a nightmare. I dream that I am back together with my ex. In my dream I'm always like "How the fuck did I get back in this situation?" It's always the same ex. To say that I hate his guts would be an understatement. I hope the fucking pig rots in hell. I've had this dream/nightmare a lot.

There you have it. In my dreams, I am a toothless wonder that can't get anywhere and keeps getting stuck with a cocksmoker. Those have been the most recent dreams that keep happening. It's strange that I don't dream about sex more often. Then again, when I do dream about sex I always wake up before I'm finished if you know what I mean. Damnit!

I have been playing the hell out of the song of the day for the past week.

Default

Taking My Life Away

Sidenote: The vacation is over. I now have to drive to another branch until ours gets electricity. I will be looking at about an hour drive every morning. That sucks cock considering my drive was 5 minutes.

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:00:00 PM :: 20 comments

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