Tuesday, August 30, 2005
I'm a thief
I'm a thief but I couldn't help it. I stole this from
the faceless canadian. Before you begin, I want to let Heather know that I got the ass shot for her and more tittie shots for Badgod.
For Heather For Badgod
1. Nervous habits?
I bite my lower lip when I'm nervous.
2. Are you double jointed?
Oh yeah baby!
3. Can you roll your tongue?
Not in the least.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time?
Nope.
5. Can you blow spit bubbles?
Yes.
6. Can you cross your eyes?
Yes I can.
7. Tattoos?
Not yet. That's still the great debate...what and where.
8. Piercings?
Ears and navel.
9. Do you make your bed daily?
Every Sunday when I wash the sheets.
10. Which shoe goes on first?
Whichever one I find first.
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at someone?
Yes, I wish I had better aim.
12. On average, how much money do you carry?
Depends on where I'm going. anywhere from 20 to100
13. What jewellry do you wear 24/7?24 hours a day?
Navel ring.
14. Favourite piece of clothing?
What if I don't like clothing?
FOOD
15. Do you twist your spaghetti or cut it?
Twist and suck....Sorry, I never outgrew it.
16. Have you ever eaten Spam?
Once as a child and I still have nightmares about it.
17. Do you use extra salt on your food?
Never.
18. How many cereals in your cupboard?
3- Grape Nuts, Cocoa Puffs and Apple Jacks. I like a variety
19. What is your favourite beverage?
Kiwi Berry Burner by
Jamba Juice20. What is your favourite fast food restaurant?
Taco Bell.
21. Do you cook?
I can but don't tell anybody.
GROOMING
22. How often do you brush your teeth?
Twice a day.
23. Hair drying method?
Air dry.
24. Have you ever coloured/highlighted your hair?
Highlight. This actually covers the name of this blog since I STILL don't believe I'm blonde. Light brown with highlights but dirty blonde sounded good.
MANNERS
25. Do you swear?
Like a fucking sailor.
26. Do you ever spit?
I prefer to swallow.
FAVOURITES
27. Animal?
Tiger
28. Food?
Filet Mignon or Alaskan Crab Legs.
29. Month
June for obvious reasons.
30. Day?
Saturday because it's party day.
31. Cartoon?
X-Men.
32. Shoe brand?
Nine West.
33. Subject in school?
Math and English....wait. I have another Sex Ed.
34. Color?
RED!
35. Sport?
Football.
36. TV Shows?
I don't watch TV.
37. Thing To Do In The Spring?
Have fun.
38. Thing To Do In The Summer?
Please see the answer to #37.
39. Thing To Do In The Autumn?
Please see the answer to #37.
40. Thing To Do In The Winter?
Please see the answer to #37.
41. In The CD Player?
My own mix...all rock.
42. Person you talk on the phone most with?
I hate talking on the phone.
43. Reading?
Whatever book has my interest at the moment.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows/mirrors?
Hell yeah.
45. What colour is your bedroom?
Oh..this is a touchy subject at the moment. My good sheets just tore...long story. So at the moment it's whatever I have on hand because as stated earlier I don't make my bed.
46. Do you use an alarm clock?
Yes, I have two and I still can't wake up.
47. Window seat or aisle?
Makes little difference. I hate flying.
48. What's your sleeping position?
69...Okay seriously I sleep on my right side.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?
Yep. I just don't wear clothes.
50. Do you snore?
Not that I know of. How would I know? I'm sleeping.
51. Do you sleepwalk?
I have before.
52. Do you talk in your sleep?
Unfortunatly yes. I can have an entire conversation while I'm still alseep.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
No.
54. How about with the light on?
If I happen to pass out with them on.
55. Do you fall asleep with the radio or TV on?
Please see the answer to #54.
56. Last interesting person you met.
In person...Damn it's been a while. The new girl I hired at work.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:18:00 PM ::
18 comments
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Monday, August 29, 2005
And it never stops....
So, I got tagged again. I've been putting this one off because I have to come up with 7 idiosyncracies peculiar to me. Basically this means that I have to give you 7 reasons why I'm a fucking oddball.
1- I have strange eating habits. First, I can eat more than two grown men in one sitting and still feel hungry. Second, my food must be arranged like a two year old's. My meat must never touch my vegetables which must never touch my bread. Third, I eat in everything in a certain order. Sides first and then the entree and then dessert. This is my routine and it cannot be changed...EVER!
2- I have aranchaphobia. This isn't a small fear for me. It's more like "Holy shit, kill that fucking bastard" It all started when I was a small child and a Wolf Spider crawled on my face. I also have what I like to call spider incidents. One fell in the tub with me while I was taking a bath. One crawled up my arm in the pool. One was dangling about a inch from my nose in a store...from my fucking hair. A few have crawled up my leg in bed. My last incident was about a month ago. A big fucker was crawling down my windshield in front of me...on the inside. I almost wrecked. I pulled the car over and jumped out and called everyone I knew to come kill it. Yeah, I'm a pussy but only when it comes to spiders.
3- I hate public restrooms. I know everybody hates them but I can take it to an extreme. I will leave a concert, a bar, a club anywhere rather than use their restroom. I will drive hours to use my own toilet. I'm not a clean freak. I can deal with my own germs, not other peoples. Wiping it off doesn't help. I still know that someone else's shit and piss germs all over over it. Wiping just spread it all around.
4- I'm dangerous when I'm bored. If I am bored everyone around me better watch out. I think of mischief to get into. If it amuses me, I will do it regardless of the consequences. I'm surprised I haven't landed in jail yet.
Okay, I'm done. Sorry but I can't think of more. I'm supposed to tag people. I don't feel like it. So, if you want to do it go for it. If not, I could care fucking less.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:19:00 PM ::
14 comments
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Saturday, August 27, 2005
Don't ever challenge me!
I am tired. I can't possibly go out tonight. I've went out for the past two nights and now I need to recover.
1st- I decided to use the word fuck in every post. After all, it's a very versatile word. It can mean something good or something bad or in the best case scenario both. My two favorite usages are "Fuck you!" and "Fuck me!"
2nd- If you've read this blog before then you know that the System Of A Down concert sucked mad cock. We forgot to take the camera in so we got very few pictures. Most of the pictures that we took didn't turn out because it was too dark outside. So, the only good picture I have is before we went into the concert. Obviously, it was before the concert because I'm still smiling.
4th- In reference to the title of this post. I got challenged a few days ago. Must I prove that I really did buy the shirts? I can never turn down a challenge especially one this easy. I love this picture! My friend Redneck is always good for some interesting pictures. Oohhh....Heather, it is all about the titties!
5th- I almost forgot. FUCK!
Posted by drunkbh ::
6:20:00 PM ::
31 comments
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Friday, August 26, 2005
I'm still here
I decided to take everyone's advice and have a hurricane party. I went to a friends house and partied in her garage until the electricity went out. She had a generator but we could barely hear the music over the wind and the awful noise that the generator was making. After awhile we went to a local bar. Their crazy asses were open until 4am. I left around midnight. I was under the impression that the bank would be closed today but I didn't want to take a chance. Imagine my surprise when I call our hotline this morning to discover that we will be open for business. Right now I am at work hungover and tired. What really pisses me off is the fact that we are the only bank in town open. The fucking hurricane is still over us. They are advising people to remain indoors still. I need to get another job.
Posted by drunkbh ::
3:02:00 PM ::
8 comments
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Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Fuck Katrina
For those of you not in South Florida, we have another fucking hurricane coming. And guess what. It's coming straight for Broward County. The best part is when it's gonna hit. That's right boys and girls...Friday fucking night! There goes my weekend!!!!! I'll be stuck in my house with too much fucking time on my hands. The only good thing is that I might get a day off from work. Fuck that! I'd rather go party! I had fucking plans. It really sucks when you get this amped up about something and it just won't fucking pan out.
I said fuck 6 times in 11 sentences. Can you tell I'm pissed off?
Posted by drunkbh ::
10:46:00 PM ::
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I got tagged again
7 things
I got tagged by Seeker to answer this... You know I love this random shit.
Seven things I...
Plan to do before I die
1- Ride a Harley. If you've been with me for a while you know what I'm talking about.
2- Learn to play the guitar and drums
3- Get the hell out of Florida
4- Visit Europe
5- Go to a nude beach
6- Fly a plane...I'm scared of heights so this is a big deal to me.
7- Live my life the way I want with no regrets
Things I can do
1- Snow ski
2- Rappel
3- Lock my hands behind my back and bring them over my head to the front...double-jointed
4- Eat whatever the hell I want
5- Entertain myself
6- Get in anywhere free
7- Push myself harder than anyone I know
Things I can't do
1- Control my mouth
2- Control my actions...I don't really want to.
3- Drive anywhere without a map. I'm directionally challenged.
4- See my brother again...Watcher's got me reminiscing
5- Care what anybody thinks of me
6- Lie
7- Allow someone to hurt my friends
Things that attract me to the opposite sex
1- Eyes
2- Good sense of humor
3- Honesty
4- Nice arms
5- Driven...I don't care what it is
6- Compassion
7- Sometimes it's none of these things. It's just chemistry.
Things I say most
1- Whatever
2- Fuck...any variation of this
3- Blow me
4- I'm game
5- As if
6- Yeah, sure
7- No
Celebrity crushes
1- Jason Momoa
2- Dave Navarro
3- Angelina Jolie
4- Colin Farrell
5- Jason Momoa
6- Jason Momoa
7- Jason Momoa
People I want to take this quiz
Nameless
Puzzy
Heather
Musie
Shanshu
HighMaintenanceHussy
Posted by drunkbh ::
3:28:00 AM ::
6 comments
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Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I think I have ADD
This is probably not the best time to be blogging. There are certain things that I haven't gotten out of my system and everyting seems to be coming to a head...literally. I really should've went out last weekend. Now I must wait until Friday. Needless to say, I've got some seriously wicked ideas for this weekend. I have way too much pent up energy to be around the general public.
Example #1- I told our manager that I had an idea for this Halloween. We get to dress up every year. Woo-Hoo. I'm still a child inside. Anyways, I told him that this year we should do a Pimps & Hoes Ball. I kinda like to see how many shades of red I can make his face change.
Example#2- While in the restroom a co-manager tells me she needs help with something. I could've just let it go but something inside me wouldn't. So, I said "Baby, I know it's been a while but I don't have the right equipment for you but I will buy you a vibrator."
Example #3- We got a branch-wide e-mail asking us for our address and phone numbers so they could update their records. Here was my response.
Name: Drunk Bitch...I did put my real name but I'm not gonna here
Address: 6969 Blow Hard Way
Headville, FL 06969
Home Phone: 696-969-6969
Cell: 696-969-6969
Birthday: None Ya Damn Buisness
Example #4- My shirts were finally delivered today. Yes, I had them delivered to my work. As soon as I got them, I had to show them off to everyone.
I'll Be using these to my advantage.
I don't think that there's any explanation needed for that one.
You must be this long to ride.
In case you were wondering, it measures 8 inches. This is definatly my favorite one. If you don't get it, think about it a minute. It'll come to ya.
Song for the day:Burning Bright
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:20:00 AM ::
13 comments
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Sunday, August 21, 2005
For Puzzy
Yep, I know the song. One of my favorites! This is for Puzzy.
Drowning Pool
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:29:00 PM ::
6 comments
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Rock-N-Roll Granny
I was going to wait until I got the pictures back before I posted about the last concert but I'm a lazy bitch. The film is still sitting at my house where it will probably stay for the next six months.
So on with the story......
System Of A Down is a rough group. I was actually scared about being in the pit in one of their concerts. Little did I know! It had to be the most BORING concert I've ever been to. We might have been nudged twice very lightly. I was directly in front of the stage. I wanted some action. I saw a few body-surfers but no stage divers...sorry Nameless. I wanted to go home early. All in all, it blew ass! There was only one good thing that happened.
JH got molested by Rock-N-Roll Granny. This woman was old. She looked like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz...old and dried up. I'll bet that she got her AARP card around twenty years ago.
I'm not gonna bore you with all the details. I'll just get down to the good stuff. Basically Granny starts grabbing JH around the waist and rubbing up and down her body. Then she latches onto her ass like a leech. JH never said anything. She just moved back so that Granny couldn't reach her. Wish I would've known. At least I would've gotten some enjoyment out of the concert.
I think that JH is gonna be traumatized for life. She is either getting a 500lb whale hitting on her or granny. And me....I haven't had any women hit on me. What the hell's wrong with me?
Sidenote- System Of A Down wore masks in previous concerts. They should've kept them on. FUGLY!
***************************************************
After two months, I finally figured out how to link a song. It's not the song that I wanted but it will do. Pay close attention to the second verse.
Disturbed
Stupify
Posted by drunkbh ::
6:31:00 PM ::
3 comments
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Saturday, August 20, 2005
I'm bored
I don't have a damn thing to write about so I guess I will just ramble nonsense. Actually, there are a few things I will point out.
1- I finally put my links in alphabetical order. Some were deleted because I don't go there anymore because they bore me now.
2-I have a Yahoo mail account but still can't send e-mail. I can only reply. Compose then send, how damn hard is that? It just beeps at me.
I have a Hotmail account and I hate that fucker even more.
3-I hear that everyone has a flag now. Damn! I thought my perversion was something special.
4-I want to get music on my blog. I don't want it playing constantly. I want to have a link or something at the end of a post with a song.
5-I have never seen so much fighting in the blogworld (I'm not referring to you Heather**kisses**) People are visiting other blogs and threatening to kick everyones ass. Must be penis envy.
6-To set the record straight. I hate being called Drunk. I don't even keep any type of alcohol in my house ever. My nickname is DB. This is a true nickname not just something for blogworld. It's due to the fact that I am a bitch when I drink....only to guys that come up saying stupid shit. I do have a few other nicknames but I don't think I'll post those.
7-I have to work tomorrow. That sucks ass!
Posted by drunkbh ::
1:16:00 AM ::
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Friday, August 19, 2005
Flag this FUCKERS!
I have no creativity left today but I wanted to post something that was offensive. So again, I'm stealing from my other blog. The red is my take on the song. This has everything: SEX, DRUGS & ROCK & ROLL
NICKELBACK
"Figured You Out"
I like your pants around your feet- depends on what you're gonna do about it
And I like the dirt that's on your knees- can anyone say blowjob?
And I like the way you still say please- never gonna happen
While you're looking up at me- again, blowjob
You're like my favorite damn disease- Can you have a favorite disease? I pick the clap
And I love the places that we go- concerts
And I love the people that you know- that's cuz my friends rock!
And I love the way you can't say no- again, blowjob. BTW, I can say no
Too many long lines in a row - cocaine?
I love the powder on your nose - confirmed...it is cocaine
And now I know who you are- that's right, I'm the one on my knees
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out- I'm sorry you couldn't get hard
(Now I did, you wonder why)- why? you finally got hard...no, don't wonder
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out - viagra might help
(Now I did, you wonder why)
I like the freckles on your chest- do you mean nipples?
And I like the way you like me best - men have such inflated egos
And I like the way you're not impressed- small penis maybe?
While you put me to the test- did he pass? guess not...small penis that wouldn't get hard
I like the white stains on your dress- condoms anyone?
And I love the way you pass the check- I'm not cheap damn it!
And I love the good times that you wreck- can't help it if you couldn't get hard
And I love your lack of self-respect
While you passed out on the deck- been there, done that
I love my hands around your neck- I can think of better places for you to put your hands
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard, just to figure you out
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:06:00 AM ::
15 comments
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Thursday, August 18, 2005
Flag
I got flagged! Yep, my blog may contain some questionable content. I started looking to see who else is flagged. About half of you are flagged. I find it interesting that my other blog isn't flagged and I've been much worse on it. I guess I've been a bad girl. Ooohhh, maybe I'll get a spanking out of it.
Concert was okay. The highlight of the evening was that JH got molested by Rock-N-Roll granny....and I do mean granny.
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:19:00 AM ::
22 comments
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Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Tag you're it!
List five songs that you are currently digging - it doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions and the five songs (with artist) in your blog. Then tag five people to see what they're listening to.
I got tagged...and in my favorite subject nonetheless. I can't just list them. I gotta tell you why they ROCK! Thank you Heather for letting me rave about music.
Disturbed- Stupify All the people in the left wing rock...And all the people in the right wing rock...And all the people in the underground rock. Need I say more. This is my party song.....at least I didn't post the other lyrics in it.
Godsmack- Voodoo I have loved this song for years. Definatly one of the best voices out there. The drums on it almost sound tribal. It always makes me think of sex.
Puddle Of Mudd- Control It has a lot of energy...plus it's a good FUCK YOU song. Yeah, and he can sing.
Shinedown- Burning Bright Damn he can sing! Great voice, great lyrics, instruments are tight. It's a nice mellow song for when you wanna chill.
Default- Taking My Life Away This is about as close to a love song as I can get. A little slow at first but he belts it in the chorus.
No Puzzy 4 Ju
Lord Valek
Badgod
Morbid Misanthrope- I don't think you'll do it but I'd love to see the names.
Jenni-Ho
Can you tell I'm into voices?
Posted by drunkbh ::
3:45:00 AM ::
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Three for tomorrow...errr today
Happy Birthday Martha!
Martha is now officially ummm....35
See! I was nice this year.
I'm off tomorrow. I hope all you suckas enjoy your day at work. There is a downside to this. Unlike my last weekday off when I just didn't feel like working, I will have to work this Saturday. For now, it feels good to know that I don't have to go in. I sound like a pre-schooler...na na na na boo boo. I don't have to work and you do!
My concert is tomorrow. I'm nervous for the first time. The crowd at a System Of A Down concert is pretty rough. I want to come out of the pit in one piece. I keep having visions of being squeezed like one of those dolls ,that when you squeeze it, the head pops out like a balloon.
It's 2:40 and I'm still wide awake.
Posted by drunkbh ::
2:44:00 AM ::
4 comments
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Tuesday, August 16, 2005
HOW THE STICK PEOPLE BECAME EXTINCT....
A sad, sad story - but It had to be told.
Posted by drunkbh ::
2:31:00 PM ::
8 comments
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COUNTDOWN
SYSTEM OF A DOWN
Tomorrow I will be in the pit getting crushed. What a fuckin' rush!
Posted by drunkbh ::
8:45:00 AM ::
1 comments
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Monday, August 15, 2005
I'm feeling better now!
I think it's fair to say that I really get annoyed when people wake me up. Seriously, I am asleep for a reason. Obviously I need it. Sleeping is one of my greatest joys in life. So don't kill my joy. If I'm woken up rudely, you will see a psychotic bitch with revenge on her mind. I can think of plenty was to be woken up nicely and shaking someone is not one of them. I am ,however, feeling much better now.
This brings me to my neighbors. Almost every morning around 8am some dipshit comes to pick one of them up. Dipshit doesn't go to their door and knock. He honks his horn around 10 times to let them know he's there. Most of the time I am already awake because I have to go to work. However, on the days that I am off I want to sleep until noon at least. That's when dipshit starts honking his horn. I could get dressed and go outside to start an argument first thing in the morning but I really want to get him back for waking me up all those mornings. He deserves a little retribution for being so inconsiderate.
I think I have a plan. I'm going to be the sniper in the second story window. This will work out perfectly because he won't know where it came from. At first I though of a pellet gun but then I realized that he might not even notice the shot. It won't have enough impact. I finally decided on a paint gun. If I can fire off a few rounds on his windshield, it will scare the hell out of him. I'm guessing that it will only take two times and he will get the hint. The first time he might think it's random but by the second time he should get the hint. If he's dumb enough to go for round three I will be happy to oblige.
There you have it. My plan to take care of the inconsiderate carpooler. If you have a better idea please let me know.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:32:00 PM ::
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REM
REM sleep takes 90 minutes to achieve. If by chance I am asleep for 90 minutes, do not fucking wake me up! I don't' care if I'm only asleep for 5 minutes. If my eyes are shut, don't fucking talk to me, don't keep raising your voice, don't ask me dumb fucking questions, and sure as hell don't under any circumstances shake me to wake me up. Mother Fuckers!
I'll be back when I'm in a better mood. Some dumb fuck just woke me up.
Posted by drunkbh ::
6:48:00 PM ::
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As promised
Mod. Freaky Kink
You scored 83% on kinkyness and 60% on freakishness...
You are moderately freaky and a whole lot of kink. In other words, you've definately had some experience in the freak department and most definately lots in the kink department as well, but you're not a full blown freak yet...
My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 87% on kinkyness
You scored higher than 57% on freakishness
Posted by drunkbh ::
1:31:00 PM ::
3 comments
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Sunday, August 14, 2005
I'm copying my other blog
Puddle of Mudd
"Control"
Again, I chose this song for the lyrics. Nah...The song kicks ass but here's a sample of the lyrics so you will know why I chose it.
I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
Lock me up inside ya dirty cage
While I’m alone inside my mind
I like to teach you all the rules
I’d get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
There ya secrets never shone
I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I need to feel you
I love the way you rape my skin
I’m faking all of the rules
Release me from my dirty cage
I love the way you smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you
Posted by drunkbh ::
10:04:00 PM ::
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Saturday, August 13, 2005
Tell me something I don't know!
The Results ARE IN!
You are:
76% Slut
Your above score was normalized against the average, so don't even TRY to disagree with us. Science is certain, and so are we: you are absolutely
76% Slutty.
This test is always available atwww.okcupid.com/slut
Posted by drunkbh ::
10:24:00 PM ::
11 comments
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Thursday, August 11, 2005
Two for one
As I was watching TV today I saw a clip of the movie Indecent Proposal. Robert Redford pays Demi Moore a million dollars to sleep with him. The concept is pretty ridiculous. He's not bad looking. Does he really need to pay? A million dollars? I just can't imagine any pussy being worth that. On to my point, it made me think what would I do it? Better yet, what would my price be? Some hot guy wants to pay me a million for one night, you're damn skippy I'm gonna do it! Hell, I might even throw in another night as a freebie. It would all depend on who's making the offer. There are exceptions to my plan. Now reverse this theory. There are some people that I would pay the money for one night.
Examples:
Jason Momoa. Holy shit! I would pay! I would be content with one night. His eyes...his lips...his fuckin' everything! My life would be content with one night of looking up at that. Get my drift?
Don't worry, I didn't leave you guys out.
Angelina Jolie. I don't know what it is about her that I find so sexy. Again, the eyes...the lips...the fuckin' everything! I love the fact that she doesn't give a shit what she says or does.
I want both of them for one night.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:57:00 PM ::
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Spammers
I've noticed a lot of spammers recently. They come to you blog and post some lame-ass comment that has nothing to do with your post. They also don't allow anonymous posts. That's a surprise!
I decided to have a little fun with them today. Here was my comment on their site.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. Next time why don't you visit my other blog. I know that you will love it. After reading all your posts, I know that it is just your style. Please come by soon and leave me another comment.
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:32:00 AM ::
21 comments
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Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Interesting Facts.
I have not checked the validity of this nor do I want to. I would rather just believe.
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.
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2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
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4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
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6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
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7. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
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8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
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9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
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10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.
Posted by drunkbh ::
7:34:00 PM ::
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Monday, August 08, 2005
From my vault
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?
And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
Posted by drunkbh ::
7:43:00 PM ::
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Sunday, August 07, 2005
Warped Tour
I am finally recovering from my weekend. It started out Friday when I decided to go out for a few drinks with some friends. I had every intention of coming home at a decent time. I knew that I would need the sleep because I had the Warped Tour the next day. That plan went to hell really fast. I ended up hitting three bars before I crawled home at 4am. The next morning my head felt like it was splitting open. It was one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. This made getting out of bed a bitch. I barely made it to our designated meeting place. Actually, I was 30 minutes late. They should be accustomed to me being late by now.
The concert started at 11am. We didn't get there until 2:30. That made for some real interesting parking. We had to park 2 fucking miles away. I was ready to go home by the time we got there. I was hot, tired and hungover. I should add that outdoor concerts in Florida suck mad cock. Within 30 minutes I was debating to say what the hell and ask them if we could just go home. Finally, we decided to hit the mist tent to see if it would help. A mist tent is a tent set up that feels like a cool shower. It is misty with cold water pouring down from several faucets in the roof. They actually charge for this shit. I never would have thought that I would pay to be hosed down fully clothed. It was so worth every damn dime. I got under the faucet and got every square inch of me wet. We probably spent 10 minutes in there. Jh had to drag me out. It made the rest of the afternoon a little cooler even thought walking around in wet clothes was a little uncomfortable.
We saw a lot of great band there. We also saw a lot of shitty bands. The pit was different for every band. In some of them, the kids were dancing around in a circle kicking their legs out...circle-jerk. The roughest was when Offspring was playing. As soon as they started everyone went apeshit. People were rushing the stage and shoving forward and backwards. After about 2 or 3 hard shoves I get pissed. I'll throw my elbow up and see how they like shoving into it....bastards. Vic was behind us trying to make sure we didn't get pulverized while DP was in front looking backwards for body-surfers. I have a serious dislike for body-surfers. This must be the most idiotic thing that you can do at a concert. I watched one girl hit the ground so hard I didn't think she would be able to get up. They weren't passing these people around gently, they were hurling their asses. We had about 20 people go over our heads in a matter of 30 minutes....Idiots!
At the end, it was a clusterfuck trying to get out. Everyone was pushing and shoving to get through...again, here's my elbow fuckers! Too bad we didn't pass the mist tent on the way out or I would've made another trip in there. I made Jh wait with me while they took the 2 mile hike to get the car. I'm normally not such a pussy but the hangover was still full force. I got home, went to bed and didn't wake up until 11 this morning.
I did learn a few things this weekend.
*Outdoor concerts suck ass
*I will pay to be hosed down
*When in the pit, it's nice to have a lookout and an anchor
*There are some serious fucking freaks living down here
*NEVER go out drinking the night before a concert
With all this bitching you would think that I hated it. I LOVED it. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Posted by drunkbh ::
9:13:00 PM ::
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Gramps
Grandpa's Fish
Rented fishing boat = $150.00
Bait = $ 11.00
Camera film = $22.50
Showing the world the worm you used to catch that biiiiiiig fish and having it posted on the Internet..................... Priceless !!!
Posted by drunkbh ::
7:30:00 PM ::
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Friday, August 05, 2005
Yet another list!
Someone wrote a few days ago that somebody should make a list about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. I don't remember who it was. Either way, here it is.
SEX
DRUGS
ROCK-N-ROLL
*Hard
That's all I could come up with but it seems fitting enough. Have fun. I'm off to party HARD!
Posted by drunkbh ::
6:36:00 PM ::
6 comments
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Thursday, August 04, 2005
Don't park behind me!
I would like to start out by saying that I am a very careful driver. I will never sideswipe you or plow into you. I don't tailgate. I don't speed excessively. This doesn't mean that I'm one of those idiots that like to go right at the speed limit or a little below. I prefer to go about 10 to 20 miles over it depending on the flow of traffic. I just seem to have one problem driving. I can't back up. I have been in 4 car accidents and 3 of them have been with a parked car...or dumpster.
1- It all started when I was about 10 or 11. My grandfather asked my brother and I to take the trash to the dumpster. This involved moving the truck from one end of the parking lot to the other. It seemed simple enough. My brother got to make the first round. He managed to get the truck there successfully. When my turn came, all I had to do was back up the truck away from the dumpster and pull back into a parking space. I did great for about the first 4 or 5 feet. Then I heard a grinding sound. It seems that when backing away from something that you are parked close to, you shouldn't turn the wheel too soon. I took out the entire side panel of the truck. Luckily, my grandfather had a good sense of humor. He sat and watched the entire thing laughing while I got out of the truck crying. My mother wasn't quite as humored by the situation.
2-Flash forward 10 or 11 years. My best friend and I decided to throw a bash for her upcoming birthday. Actually, I'm not sure if it was for her birthday or we just wanted to party. We were up till around 6am. I woke the next afternoon feeling like shit and hardly any time to get to work. I rushed to my car and proceeded to haul ass to work. I made it about 10 feet. That's about how far it look me to take out the entire side of her car. I had to go inside and wake her up on her birthday to tell her what had happened. She actually didn't seem that upset. Luckily somebody sideswiped her the next month. We blamed all the damage on that person so I got away with accident #2 unscathed.
3-We can go forward another 8 years for accident #3. I had already moved to Florida by then and had just started a new job. I had just seen a loved one killed in an auto accident. It made me a little apprehensive behind the wheel. I was amazed at what can happen to a car in a low spped crash. I started looking up crash test results. It wasn't looking so good for my car. I was driving in a death wagon. I ended up buying a mid-size SUV based purely on the crash test results. This was a big mistake. It took me an entire week to crash....7 days. I was at work and leaving to go home to catch a bite to eat for lunch. I backed out turning my wheel hard to the right. I actually almost made it. I clipped the bumper of my manager's brand new SUV. I should state that we had several levels of management. I hit the top dog who should have been of that day but just stopped by for something. I wasn't as fortunate that time around. I had to pay for her car and my car to be fixed. By the way, it was a little embarrassing driving around with temporary plates and a dented in bumper.
For the record, I have been accident free for 4 years now...just don't park behind me. Accident #4, the one not with a parked car, was not my fault just in case you were wondering.
Posted by drunkbh ::
8:08:00 PM ::
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Countdown
In less than 24 hours we will be rockin' at the Warped Tour.
Hell fuckin' Yeah!
Posted by drunkbh ::
3:02:00 PM ::
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Wednesday, August 03, 2005
My Own List
Seeing all these lists going around got me thinking. I need to do a list. Rather than things that I have done it will be things that I would like to do.
*Race a convertible on the Audubon.
*Be the first person to ski on the powder of a black diamond slope.
*Eat nothing but red meat every day for a week.
*Find every person that's ever pissed me off and tell them to "FUCK OFF"
*Ride a Harley...not on the back. I want to drive it.
*Have sex on that Harley.
*Go deep sea diving
*Repel off the Sears Tower.
*Learn to play the guitar.
*Learn to play the drums.
*Throw a huge party at a mansion like Biltmore Estates
*Win the lottery.
*Sleep in every morning...forever.
*Go to a nude beach.
*Party all night without a hangover.
*Go skydiving even though it scares the hell out of me.
*Speak a different language fluently.
*Fly a plane.
*Make the rules.
Posted by drunkbh ::
4:51:00 PM ::
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Last Friday
Posted by drunkbh ::
1:09:00 PM ::
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ROCK ON!
Posted by drunkbh ::
1:08:00 PM ::
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The elusive stuffed animal.
I know I'll catch shit for this but it's too funny not to post.
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:58:00 PM ::
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005
This is a true story.
Have you ever heard a story about someone and wondered what the hell were they thinking? I recently heard a story about a friend of a friend that was so idiotic I had a hard time believing it.
This is a story about a man. We'll call him J. J had a good life, good job, good wife. J decided that he was gonna cheat on his good wife. The good wife soon learned about the adultery and soon a good divorce ensued. This is where J's life starts to take a dump...literally. Being a good wife, she took him for everything. She got the house, the car, plus living in the great state of Florida, alimony. J had a hard time trying to keep up with all his payments. He soon turned to drugs. I'm not sure which drug he was using but it must have been pretty damn good...you'll see why.
J has to start stealing to pay for his habit. He goes into the local Home Depot and begins to make his rounds. He picks up a drill and starts off towards the door. He almost made it out when security caught him.
What would any sane person do at this point? Beg? Cry? Whine? Lie?
J decides on the latter. He proceeds to shit his pants. That's right. He stood right in the doorway of Home Depot and shit all over himself. I wonder how many people could actually just stand there and shit on queue. He told the security that he had a bowel problem and he was in a hurry to get to the restroom. I guess he missed the fact that he passed the restroom on the way out the door.
Needless to say, J went to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Dumbass.
Somebody please put me out of my misery if I ever do anything that stupid. EEWWWW!
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:51:00 PM ::
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More pick up lines
Some of these are old but some of them are just too damn good.
*Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
*Are those tic-tacs under your shirt or are you just glad to see me?
*Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
*Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
*Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.
*You with those curves, and me with no brakes.
*That outfit would look great on my bedroom floor.
*I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
*You must have a mirror in your pocket cuz I can see my self in your pants.
*Do you want to come over and do some math? Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply.
*If your left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg was Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
*F*** me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Yolanda?
*I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
*Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
*There are 265 bones in the human body. How would you like one more?
*Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
*Hey baby, wanna go halves on a bastard?
*What do I have to do to be your booty call?
*I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
*Nice shoes. Wanna f***?
*Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?
*Nice legs! What time do they open?
*What's a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
*My friend wants to know if you think I'm cute.
*Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
*Oh, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
*Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
*Can you come and help me tonight? Because my left hand always gets tired.
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:37:00 PM ::
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I found this on Kristen's blog. I must admit that she finds some of the best shit. I love these types of things.
Lil Miss Spread-em
Congratulations! You scored 34!
| You know what's good for you...a whole lot of fucking...and you know how to spread 'em...LIKE BUTTA!You like to get freaky, but just with the right people. You have a good sense of what others want and know how to give it to them. Bur, you don't just settle for that. You LOVE receiving just as much! IT takes alot for you to deny sexual desires, but you have the willpower in certain circumstances...unlike Lil Miss Fuckanything! |
|
My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 92% on Sexual Style
Posted by drunkbh ::
9:45:00 AM ::
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Monday, August 01, 2005
It's countdown time again.
It is current six days until my next concert.
Van's warped Tour- August 6th...not really my style
System Of a Down- August 17th...in the pit
Papa Roach w/311- September 2nd...in the pit
Ozzfest- September 4th...very busy weekend
Nine Inch Nails- October 24th...in the pit. I can't wait for this one.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:05:00 PM ::
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What color are you?
Who knew that you favorite color could determine your sexual personality. I'm a red person.
Red:People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish. When two reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers of red tend to be aggressors and weaker colors should be aware.
Yellow:If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex and turn toward the adaptable. In most cases the person will consent to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from somebody you enjoy or admire.
Pink:Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters: women tend to tease, to promise more than they intend to deliver. In some cases they flaunt their femininity -- but because they secretly hate men. A great percentage of prostitutes boast entire wardrobes in pink. Men who like pink are the philanderers and flirts. They are the type who will make three dates for the same evening and not keep one, preferring to pick up a dish in some bar instead. Women whose husbands like pink should keep a secret nest egg
Purple:Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are business-like in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else's gratification.
Black:Black color preferences point to black sex (not necessarily meaning black partners). These people are the misfits of the sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature. They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy times. Police psychiatrists claim that sex offenders prefer the color black. And it is no coincidence that the uniform of mobsters and teenage gangs is black attire.
Green:Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their approach to sex. Women who love green will always make love like virgins all their life. And a man may always be a trifle clumsy and awkward but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about infidelity.
Orange:Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love. They whisper sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue; they feel it is their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm -- but they put on a darn good act. Men tend to pull their partner's hair, and women leave red welts on the sex partner's back.
Brown:If you love brown, you're a real treasure for the right mate. Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Sex is a 24 hour a day thing. Where you can't say "I love you" often enough. Snuggling by the fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue is a turn-on to a lover of brown. They need lots of time and privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one harsh word could end the affair.
Gray:The color gray is preferred by people who are indecisive. They can't get excited about anything -- including color -- so they choose a noncommittal shade. Men who prefer gray look at sex as a way of relieving tension -- but nothing more, nothing less. It's wham, bam, thank you ma'am. Women don't make love, they have intercourse. And for one of two reasons only: to accommodate their mate, or to become pregnant. They count the cracks in the bedroom plaster until the sex act is over with and done. But when teamed with another color, the gray spouse considers the other's infidelity a blessing. When a gray marries another gray, the marriage is made in heaven.
Blue:Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider love making a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who love blue are like concert pianists, delicately ravaging their partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners but their passion may be compared to a tidal wave rather than fiery aggression. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate -- never seeking outside interests.
White:If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems filthy. These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene and to make love in the daylight is unheard of. Women who love white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before and after the sex act. These people still use pet names for their genitals.
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:10:00 AM ::
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You must be this long to ride.
Puddle of Mudd
Jason Momoa. Holy shit! I would pay! I would be content with one night. His eyes...his lips...his fuckin' everything! My life would be content with one night of looking up at that. Get my drift?
Angelina Jolie. I don't know what it is about her that I find so sexy. Again, the eyes...the lips...the fuckin' everything! I love the fact that she doesn't give a shit what she says or does.
I know I'll catch shit for this but it's too funny not to post.
