Sunday, July 31, 2005
I'm Bored
PUDDLE OF MUDD
"Away From Me"
I don't feel like being very creative today. This song kicks ass, not to mention the fact that they can sing. If you don't know it, look it up. The lyrics are killer.
Posted by drunkbh ::
6:15:00 PM ::
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This is too good.
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I'm glad to say that I've never been this bad. Lord Valek is the man!!!
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:16:00 AM ::
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Saturday, July 30, 2005
Whorebonics
I'm getting ready to offend a lot of people. Screw em'. We have several variations of the english language. Patwah- This is island talk. I actually got a dictionary to decipher this shit. Then we have ebonics, broken english at it's best. What the fuck are these people saying? I've decided to start my own language. I'm gonna call it Whorebonics. After all, I am a rock whore. Actually, I'm a dirty blonde rock whore. Damn, I like the sound of that. Anyways, whorebonics will be the language of rock whores nationwide.
Here are the rules of Whorebonics:
* Bitch, slut, cunt, whore etc..; these will all be considered compliments. If you don't like it, lick my clit and if you can't do that right... NEXT?
* Ever sentence spoken must have some type of sexual undertone. Or, you must be able to twist everything into you hear into something sexual.
Example: Co-worker- I don't know why I am so tired.
Me- You shouldn't have sucked so much cock lastnight.
Co-worker- I didn't do that!
Me- I'm sorry. Do you need lessons?
* The Golden Rule- Do and say whatever the fuck you feel. If someone doesn't like it fuck em'.
We are now taking applications to become an official Whorebonics member. If you can't follow these rules you need not apply because we will laugh in your pansy-ass face.
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:26:00 PM ::
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Your Bitch is Here
Does this mean I have to bleach out my hair? Or can I just be dirty and not blonde?
Posted by j.h. ::
8:47:00 AM ::
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Update
I just got back from the bar. I didn't get to fulfill all of my plans but it was definitely interesting. The band was okay if you like easy listening. I don't. All I kept thinking was let's get this party started you pansy mother-fuckers. I must say that I did have a little entertainment for the night. Somebody lost their underwear. I really didn't mean to tear them. Somebody did flash their tits. I'm expecting us to be on the next "Girls Gone Wild" video. I did have some douchbag tell me that he would take me to the mall tomorrow and buy me whatever I wanted. I was tempted to set a date that I had no intentions of keeping but my friend came over to save me. I introduced my friend to douchebag as my sex slave. The look on his face was priceless. Unfortunately, I didn't get to dance on the bar. It's a little hard to grind to easy listening. Sorry if I don't make much sense but I am still drunk. Hopefully I'll make more sense tomorrow...sober...hopefully
Posted by drunkbh ::
1:08:00 AM ::
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Friday, July 29, 2005
Gameplan for the night
I've decided that if I must go to this local dive just to watch a band that by all account should suck ass, I'm gonna stir a little shit up tonight. I'll start by playing "Closer" on the jukebox. Hopefully, they won't have all the good shit edited out. There's nothing like singing "I wanna fuck you like an animal" from atop the bar. We'll turn that bitch into Coyote Ugly. Next, I'll find some dumbass that will pay for my drinks all night. Maybe I'll promise that I'll give him a blowjob in the restroom...all he has to do is take off his pants and wait in the stall. The question is who will I send in there with him. Fuck it. Maybe I'll just time him to see how long it takes him to figure it out. I'll think of more things on my way there. I have to amuse myself because I'm sure no one there will be able to do it for me. Aaahhh....the power of pussy
Posted by drunkbh ::
6:27:00 PM ::
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Lustful...yeah, that's me
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
I really love this shit. If I'm gonna be banished to any level I'm glad it's #2.
Posted by drunkbh ::
1:43:00 AM ::
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My bitches
Aahh...My Bitches! The only difference is that you will now find us at a different place that plays better music...unless the Dj is smokin crack that night. Tonight I'll have to go to a bar to listen to a band that I don't want to hear just to appease my friends. Seems that they couldn't say no when asked. I'm gonna have a real hard time being pleasant after a few drinks. If I happen to start yelling "You suck cock!", it will have to be excused. I can only take so much abuse. I will have the added bonus of knowing that my friend, Redneck, has grabbed every bartender's dick there. There's no end to the abuse that we can dish out.
No concerts to go to. This weekend is gonna blow ass!
Posted by drunkbh ::
12:59:00 AM ::
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
Things I Hate
1-country music; If you can only whine and not really sing, this is the genre for you.
2-carpet burns; No explanation needed.
3-menstrul cycles; They suck! I want to see guys bleed out their dick for one week a month.
4-draft beer; Watered-down cow piss.
5-cock blockers; One who prevents another from scoring sexually. We all know someone like that.
Posted by drunkbh ::
8:24:00 PM ::
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
If only....
Here's one of the random things that I ponder.
If I was a man for a day what would I do?
1- I would finally be able to pee standing up. I would write my name in the snow. I would write my name on the sand. I would piss all over everything and just be able to shake it off and be done with it.
2- I would have sex with a woman. It would be nice to be the first one to cum for a change...no muff munching
3- I would masturbate every chance I got. This would be in between the having sex and pissing of course. Come on...if I had one I would have to keep a grip on it all day long.
4- I would cat-call every woman I see. We all know that this is a highly effective means of accomplishing task #2.
5- I would talk shit about all the pussy that I had gotten the night before even though the only action I saw was Rosey Palmer.
6- I would talk shit about sports any chance I got...wait, I already do that.
7- Last but not least, I would burp, fart and shift my dick around every time someone looks at me and no one would think anything about it because I would have testicles.
Posted by drunkbh ::
11:26:00 PM ::
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About Me
I guess I must finally come to terms with my blondeness. I figure if I have to be labeled blonde then it must be dirty blonde. I'm game for anything that has the word dirty in it...almost.
Soon to follow: Theme of the day
Theme of the week
I'll post anything that I find amusing...and I am very good at amusing myself . If you get offended by sexual content or profanity, stay the fuck out! I'm only here to please myself.
Posted by drunkbh ::
8:10:00 PM ::
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PUDDLE OF MUDD 
Aahh...My Bitches! The only difference is that you will now find us at a different place that plays better music...unless the Dj is smokin crack that night. Tonight I'll have to go to a bar to listen to a band that I don't want to hear just to appease my friends. Seems that they couldn't say no when asked. I'm gonna have a real hard time being pleasant after a few drinks. If I happen to start yelling "You suck cock!", it will have to be excused. I can only take so much abuse. I will have the added bonus of knowing that my friend, Redneck, has grabbed every bartender's dick there. There's no end to the abuse that we can dish out.