Dirty Blonde

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Back at last...

So it'e been a while since I last posted....more like 2 years but what the fuck. I see that half of my friends are long gone by now...again....what the fuck! Have I changed in 2 years? Absofuckinlutely! I left a very long relationship only to get into one that is questionable at best. I finally got a tattoo....and then another one. I still work at the bank which sucks balls even worse than before.

But on to the good stuff.....masturbation!!!!

I'm wondering how much is really too much. I would guess that most men do to more than most women. So you know...I'm not most women! But is there ever a point that it's just too much? I think there is. Here's a list for those of you that may not know when to stop killing kittens. (Every time you masturbate, you kill a kitten.)

1- If it's raw or god forbid bleeding you either need to stop or start using better lube. PUR is my personal preference. It works nice and has no irritants. FUCK KY!

2- If your shit is starting to look ashy....it's time to stop! This usually happens prior to getting raw.

3- If you can't get off without watching a porno. If you are at this point with a partner, get a fucking life!! Pornos are awesome to watch together but if you need it, you need to call Spankaholics Anonymous!

4- If you have pleasured yourself so much that you can't perform with the opposite sex. All I can say to this one is that if it's you then you are a complete fucking retard! Who the hell would pass up getting laid or chance not getting it to masturbate? I enjoy a joygasmic release just like the rest of you but there's not a chance in hell that I would wear the kitty out when I think I may be getting laid.

Okay I'm done. I felt the need to rant as usual and hopefully I will be back soon. Peace out fuckers!

Posted by drunkbh :: 5:22:00 PM :: 6 comments

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006


It's that time of year again. That's right.... It's football season. As you may or may not know, I am a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan. I have been for over 13 years. I've seen the good and the bad. I've seen them win three superbowls and a few years later be one of the worst teams in the league. I've seen them win their division only to fuck up in the playoffs. During all this time, I remained a true fan. I didn't jump on the bandwagon of the team of the day even though my team blew ass at the moment.....However.....I'm rethinking my mindset on football. This revelation came by the way of Dallas' new player, Terrell Owens. I wholeheartly agree that he is an excellent player whom I'm sure one day will make it into the Hall of Fame. However, this mother fucker gets on my nerves. He is and has been for a few years the diva of the NFL. The most recent event that has me perplexed is the alleged suicide attempt. I have a few issues with this.
1- He denies it saying that the pain medication that he was on for his broken finger didn't react well with the supplements that he was taking. Yeah.... I'll remember that one the next time that I get pulled over. "Officer, I'm not drunk. The 10 beers that I drank had an adverse reaction to my herbal vitamins. My weaving has nothing to do with the alcohol." Just fucking admit that you took too many pills and you had to get your stomach pumped.
2- He broke his fucking finger. He didn't have his knee replaced. It wasn't major surgery. They put a plate and screws in so that he would not injure it further. I keep reading that he was on pain meds because he was in excruciating pain. If he wants excruciating, he should try listening to himself whine like a little bitch for a few hours. He needs to grow some balls to be able to handle a little pain.
3- If he was actually trying to kill himself, which I doubt because he loves himself way too much, that was a weak attempt. If you want to kill yourself, put a fucking gun to your head a pull the trigger. Anything else and you are probably a pussy that just wants attention.

Posted by drunkbh :: 11:59:00 PM :: 13 comments

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Monday, September 11, 2006

I have to be at work in a little over 5 hours. Fuck it! I can't sleep. I did, however, find out that I've been a bad girl. I love these little things. You have to answer yes or no to each thing to see what your sins are worth.

Smoked pot-- $10
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before-- $20
Went skinny dipping-- $5
Had sex in a pool-- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex-- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex $20
Cheated on your g/f or b/f -- $10
Cheated on your g/f or b/f with their relative or close friend--$20
Done oral-- $5
Got oral-- $5
Done / Got oral in a car while it was moving --$25
Prank called the cops-- $5
Stole something-- $10
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars--$20
Had sex with someone 10 years older-- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27--$25
Cried yourself to sleep-- $5
Cried during sex--$20
Been in love-- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time --$50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it-- $25
Went streaking-- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight --$15
Been arrested-- $5
Spent time in jail --$15
Peed in the pool-- $0.50
Played spin the bottle-- $5
Done something you regret-- $20
Had a crush on your best friend--$5
Had sex with your best friend --$20
Had a crush on someone at work --$5
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Lied to your mate --$5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25

I got 325.50. Yeah, I've peed in a pool.

Posted by drunkbh :: 1:39:00 AM :: 11 comments

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Tuesday, July 18, 2006

News????? Not really....

Okay, so I'm a slacker. To tell the truth, I haven't had anything interesting to post about. I could write about all the sex conversation we still have at work like "How much masturbation is too much?" Personally, if it gets raw then you've went too far (at least if you are masturbating by yourself.) Vic says that if it gets ashy you've done too much. I tried to explain to him that white peeps don't get ashy. We just get pinker down there. I guess it's all relative to your stamina and the amount of lube that you use.

I have a new love in my life, sorta. Generally, I'm a creature of habit so I'm not prone to change. That all changed last Saturday. We took Des out for her 23rd birthday (CUNT!) After two Coronas, I still didn't have even the slightest buzz. usually, after four I'm dancing on the bar. I decided to switch my poison. That's when I fell in love. All I can say is Red Bull & Vodka praise be thy name. That's right DB has switched to the hard stuff. the reason I shyed away from liquor before is that it tends to make me a little aggressive. Things haven't changed. I recall asking some guy if he was retarded because he was wearing sunglasses in the bar. What the hell would possess someone to wear sunglasses at three o'clock in the morning? Did he think he looked cool? Retard! BTW- This is the type of men that I attract which is why I always win loser of the night. Loser of the night is a game we like to play when we go out. It's more of a contest. We determine at the end of the night who had the biggest loser hitting on them. This is why I'm thinking about switching teams. I get a much better quality of women hitting on me than men.

Saturday we ended up at Coyote Ugly. They let you dance on the bar (I wasn't joking about dancing on the bar.) This time I didn't get on the bar but I do remember, vaguely, getting hosed down. Des had some military guy hitting on her. She wouldn't let me get rid of him. I was dying to tell him to get lost. Yellow teeth.... ewwww!!! Yeah, I know I'm a bitch. I don't give a shit.

Oh.....why do I love my new alcohol of choice? No hangover! I was trashed but I woke up Sunday afternoon, not morning, feeling great. I didn't even have the slightest headache.

Here's my ode to Ozzfest. I got pitt tix. Hell yeah!

The Sickness

Posted by drunkbh :: 12:09:00 AM :: 17 comments

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Thursday, June 01, 2006

And it just keeps getting better......

Slutgirl was hired at the bank about two years ago. My first impression was that she was a bitch. This is neither a lie nor a joke. I really thought she was a bitch. I've told her this several times. I wasn't wrong. She is a bitch. If you add that to the fact that she is white trash then you've got a winning combination. She freely admits both of these so I'm not bashing my friends. I'm just merely stating the facts.

Slutgirl had just recently gotten married to her husband shortly before starting to work with us. She had already been with him for several years and had two children with him so the logical thing seemed to be to get married. Slutgirl's husband, whom we'll call Dr. Doom, is a sheriff.

As I got to know Slutgirl, I learned that Dr. Doom had a little problem...... PREMATURE EJACULATION. Dr. Doom isn't a young man. He's in his late 40's. He should have outgrown that shit in his late teens. It seems that he couldn't last more than two minutes at the most. That would be be just enough to piss me off. Just when you start to get into it, he blows his load??????? Hell no! I'd be telling him to get down here and finish the job right.

Slutgirl found a way around his little problem.....Dr. Doom's best friend who is also a sheriff. That's right. If you're going to fuck around on someone, do it right. Fuck their best friend. The only real problem is that I might be a little scared fucking around on someone that carries a gun for a living.

This is the point where I should add that Slutgirl started this affair about two months after getting married. Basically, during the entire marriage, Dr. Doom's best friend was hitting it far more than he was. Oh.....The best friend is also married. They used to go out on double dates frequently. That had to be awkward.

If you're wondering, Slutgirl is in the middle of a divorce right now. She is currently living in their house with the children, drawing unemployment, while Dr. Doom is living with his mother. Dr. Doom has been ordered to pay all of the household bills until the divorce is final.

Believe it or not, the affair did not end the marriage. They separated in October. Slutgirl just told him about the affair three months ago. That's when she finally decided to end the affair. I guess that he's no longer fuckable since he's no longer her husband's best friend. The excitement's just not there anymore.

There's so much more to this story that I still haven't been given the okay to tell. But I believe that you can see why I call her white trash. If you're wondering why I call him Dr. Doom, there is a reason. We went to Universal Studios in the fall of last year. There's a ride there called Dr. Doom's free fall. It shoots you up fast, you get three bounces and then you come down. It just seemed fitting. You get three pumps and then you're done.

Now on to the good stuff. The new Godsmack album came out. Godsmack IV. Holy shit. I love it. Here's my new obsession.

Shine Down

Posted by drunkbh :: 2:27:00 AM :: 24 comments

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Sunday, May 14, 2006


Okay, so I really don't have videotape but I would post it if I did. I have finally gotten permission to tell a story. I'm too damn lazy to write it tonight. So, I'll leave you with a question to think about.... What would you do for good sex and who is off limits? Yeah, I know. That's two questions. Sue me.

Posted by drunkbh :: 10:53:00 PM :: 21 comments

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Thursday, April 20, 2006

April 20th

It's 4/20.... Damn that sounds good. Too bad I didn't smoke today. If you have one, light it for me. I don't wanna smoke alone.

Let's see......

The bank failed the audit. One of the managers got fired because of it....kinda. One of my friends got fired. I've had to put 7 of my 13 tellers on some type of probation. Yep....WORK SUCKS BALLS!!!

I do have some good news. I scored PIT tickets to Ozzfest. I can no longer curse Ticketmaster. Now, I can't decide if I want t sell them and make $1000.00 or get in that fuckin' crazy pit. That will depend on who the last Headliner is when it's finally announced (May 23rd.) Their version of headliner might be a little different than mine. I'm guessing it will be one of 3 groups....Avenged Sevenfold, Velvet Revolver (new album coming out) or Godsmack (new album coming out.) Anyone who knows me knows that if it's Godsmack I wouldn't sell the tickets for any amount of money.

Interesting news.....
I got molested last Saturday by some chick on the dancefloor. It was an interesting night. We should have chrged admission to see that shit.

Funny news......
Somebody gave a teller money with shit on it in our drive thru. Yes, it had actual excrement on it.....Still wet. My question was how the hell did they get shit on the money. We had to ship the money to the Fed as mutilated. This took a pair of rubber gloves and a lot of Purell. The teller is still tramatized from it. What a pussy!

That's all I got. I'm going out this Saturday. Hopefully, I'll get molested again.

Posted by drunkbh :: 10:53:00 PM :: 37 comments

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