Tuesday, August 02, 2005

This is a true story.

Have you ever heard a story about someone and wondered what the hell were they thinking? I recently heard a story about a friend of a friend that was so idiotic I had a hard time believing it.

This is a story about a man. We'll call him J. J had a good life, good job, good wife. J decided that he was gonna cheat on his good wife. The good wife soon learned about the adultery and soon a good divorce ensued. This is where J's life starts to take a dump...literally. Being a good wife, she took him for everything. She got the house, the car, plus living in the great state of Florida, alimony. J had a hard time trying to keep up with all his payments. He soon turned to drugs. I'm not sure which drug he was using but it must have been pretty damn good...you'll see why.

J has to start stealing to pay for his habit. He goes into the local Home Depot and begins to make his rounds. He picks up a drill and starts off towards the door. He almost made it out when security caught him.

What would any sane person do at this point? Beg? Cry? Whine? Lie?

J decides on the latter. He proceeds to shit his pants. That's right. He stood right in the doorway of Home Depot and shit all over himself. I wonder how many people could actually just stand there and shit on queue. He told the security that he had a bowel problem and he was in a hurry to get to the restroom. I guess he missed the fact that he passed the restroom on the way out the door.

Needless to say, J went to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Dumbass.

Somebody please put me out of my misery if I ever do anything that stupid. EEWWWW!
Posted by drunkbh :: 11:51:00 PM :: 7 comments

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