Dirty Blonde

Sunday, December 18, 2005

I need Advil

I'm not sure where to begin about lastnight. I'll guess I'll start by saying that I can't walk straight. I had the biggest stud between my legs than I've had in ten years. I'm in pain. My legs hurt. My hands hurts. I feel like I've been rode hard and hung up wet. In a way I was. I guess it's best to start in the beginning.....

Jac, Des and I decided to hit the Hard Rock lastnight for and night of dancing and drinking. We accomplished these things and much more. We started out going to Passions. It probably has the best dance music plus you can dance on top of the speakers. Jac has a 'Too pretty to pay or wait pass.' That meant that we didn't wait in line because cute girls never have to pay to get in there. We might have drank about two drinks there when we decided to head over to another club. Honestly, I don't remember the name of the club. I only remember it because it has a mechanical bull, hence the big stud between my legs. I'll bet you thought I got some dick, huh? The line was enormous to get in. We waited about ten minutes when one of the bouncers came up to me and told me to follow him. That's right! Our asses got to cut in front of everyone. What a beautiful thing. Anyways, I hear some guy bitching as we enter the door. Later, Des tells me he was yelling "This is bullshit! You're gonna let those skanks in before us!" All I can say is that he's lucky I didn't hear that. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. If you throw an insult like that my way I will take your ass down by any means possible. Anyhooo..... I was the dumbass that said " Sure, I'll ride the bull." Well, they were more than happy to let me ride it. The guy that controlled the bull took great pleasure in seeing large breasts bouncing up and down on the bull. First, you have to sign a waiver to ride the bull. That should be the first clue. Clue number two would be seeing people go flying off it left and right. I have rode a mechanical bull about ten years ago. It is much harder than it looks. You have to have a great deal of leg strength because your hand will not keep you on that bull. You also have to try to keep your body at a 90 degree angle from the ground no matter what the bull is doing. Sooo.......yeah. I rode the bull. Jac and Des were screaming their lungs out. The guy that was controlling it kept telling me to pull my hair back. He just wanted to see tits bouncing. I did finally fall off. The guy kept telling me "Get back on. Get back on." Uhhhh...NO! By that time I was sweating like a nun in a whore house and my legs were aching. What hurts is when the bull bucks. Your body goes forward landing on handle thus crushing your hand and bruising your legs. Today, my inner thighs look like someone beat me with a broom and my hand has three cuts on it. Ahhhh..... The price I pay for an adrenaline rush.

After riding the bull, I was ready to hit the club and dance so we headed back to Passions. By then it was packed. We went in and scoped out a speaker to dance on. The speaker are huge. The are located on the four corners of the dance floor. If you get up on one to dance, everyone in the club will see you. Jac and I are exhibitionists. Des wouldn't get up there with us. Later, we ended up dancing on the floor. I had some guy that wouldn't leave me alone. Why the fuck do I get the guys that fall in love at the club? First, when he starts dancing with me he gets hard. I don't mean a little semi. I mean full-on rock-fucking-hard. Then he tries to kiss me. Sorry, not fucking gonna happen. I don't go to clubs to meet guys. There needs to be rules for these dumbasses so they will know what they can and can't do.

Okay, I feel better now. I really think some of these should be rules that all men should read before entering the club. It would make it so much easier on women worldwide.

I didn't get rid of "in-love boy' until we were almost back in the casino. Yes, he followed me out of the club. I guess he thought that if he begged enough I would give in. FYI- I hate weak men. Jac had some guy that she was dancing with follow her out as well, along with a few of his friends. Jac mentioned that she wanted to get something to eat and the guys wanted to go to. I have to admit that Jac's guy was nice. He was polite and kept his hands to himself unlike his friends. As I was walking I felt a hand on my ass. I was tired by this point and could find absolutely no humor in it. I turned around to see one of the guys smiling back at me. I said 'Don't! Not funny!" About one minute later, hand on the ass again. I might of lost it at this point. I turned around and screamed "If your hand touches my ass one more fucking time, you'll be picking you balls out of your nostrils." Needless to say, they didn't want to hang with us anymore. That was fine with me. I wanted to go home and go to sleep. By this time, it was around 5:30 in the morning. I had been up since 8:00 the previous morning. It was finally time for the long drive home.

Oh wait.... I did have one final little incident that I found amusing. I had a guy follow me on the elevator. We were on the 3rd floor. He was on the 2nd. He got off on his floor with his friend and just as the door was closing he put his hand in between to get back on the elevator. He gets back on and says "I'm sorry. I had to do that. What are you names? Actually, I'm interested in you." looking at me. I still didn't give my real name. I never do when I'm out. I have to give the guy credit. I liked his style. See what you want and go for it. He didn't even follow us off the elevator. Again, I like that. He wasn't the least bit attractive but if I had to pick a guy for the night it would have been him. There's a fine line between being arrogant and being bold. If a guy know how to walk that line it's sexy as hell. Unfortunately, they usually start veering towards the arrogant category.

I have one final thing to say besides the fact that I'm still in pain. I will be away until next Monday. I got places to go and people to see. I'm visiting my family for Christmas. I'm Tennessee bound..... Off to Inbredville!


Posted by drunkbh :: 2:00:00 PM :: 17 comments

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