Dirty Blonde

Back at last...

2009-03-22T17:22:00.002-04:00

So it'e been a while since I last posted....more like 2 years but what the fuck. I see that half of my friends are long gone by now...again....what the fuck! Have I changed in 2 years? Absofuckinlutely! I left a very long relationship only to get into one that is questionable at best. I finally got a tattoo....and then another one. I still work at the bank which sucks balls even worse than before.

But on to the good stuff.....masturbation!!!!

I'm wondering how much is really too much. I would guess that most men do to more than most women. So you know...I'm not most women! But is there ever a point that it's just too much? I think there is. Here's a list for those of you that may not know when to stop killing kittens. (Every time you masturbate, you kill a kitten.)

1- If it's raw or god forbid bleeding you either need to stop or start using better lube. PUR is my personal preference. It works nice and has no irritants. FUCK KY!

2- If your shit is starting to look ashy....it's time to stop! This usually happens prior to getting raw.

3- If you can't get off without watching a porno. If you are at this point with a partner, get a fucking life!! Pornos are awesome to watch together but if you need it, you need to call Spankaholics Anonymous!

4- If you have pleasured yourself so much that you can't perform with the opposite sex. All I can say to this one is that if it's you then you are a complete fucking retard! Who the hell would pass up getting laid or chance not getting it to masturbate? I enjoy a joygasmic release just like the rest of you but there's not a chance in hell that I would wear the kitty out when I think I may be getting laid.

Okay I'm done. I felt the need to rant as usual and hopefully I will be back soon. Peace out fuckers!

T.O.

2006-09-27T23:59:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again. That's right.... It's football season. As you may or may not know, I am a die-hard Dallas Cowboys fan. I have been for over 13 years. I've seen the good and the bad. I've seen them win three superbowls and a few years later be one of the worst teams in the league. I've seen them win their division only to fuck up in the playoffs. During all this time, I remained a true fan. I didn't jump on the bandwagon of the team of the day even though my team blew ass at the moment.....However.....I'm rethinking my mindset on football. This revelation came by the way of Dallas' new player, Terrell Owens. I wholeheartly agree that he is an excellent player whom I'm sure one day will make it into the Hall of Fame. However, this mother fucker gets on my nerves. He is and has been for a few years the diva of the NFL. The most recent event that has me perplexed is the alleged suicide attempt. I have a few issues with this.
1- He denies it saying that the pain medication that he was on for his broken finger didn't react well with the supplements that he was taking. Yeah.... I'll remember that one the next time that I get pulled over. "Officer, I'm not drunk. The 10 beers that I drank had an adverse reaction to my herbal vitamins. My weaving has nothing to do with the alcohol." Just fucking admit that you took too many pills and you had to get your stomach pumped.
2- He broke his fucking finger. He didn't have his knee replaced. It wasn't major surgery. They put a plate and screws in so that he would not injure it further. I keep reading that he was on pain meds because he was in excruciating pain. If he wants excruciating, he should try listening to himself whine like a little bitch for a few hours. He needs to grow some balls to be able to handle a little pain.
3- If he was actually trying to kill himself, which I doubt because he loves himself way too much, that was a weak attempt. If you want to kill yourself, put a fucking gun to your head a pull the trigger. Anything else and you are probably a pussy that just wants attention.

2006-09-11T01:39:00.000-04:00

I have to be at work in a little over 5 hours. Fuck it! I can't sleep. I did, however, find out that I've been a bad girl. I love these little things. You have to answer yes or no to each thing to see what your sins are worth.

Smoked pot-- $10
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before-- $20
Went skinny dipping-- $5
Had sex in a pool-- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex-- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex $20
Cheated on your g/f or b/f -- $10
Cheated on your g/f or b/f with their relative or close friend--$20
Done oral-- $5
Got oral-- $5
Done / Got oral in a car while it was moving --$25
Prank called the cops-- $5
Stole something-- $10
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars--$20
Had sex with someone 10 years older-- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27--$25
Cried yourself to sleep-- $5
Cried during sex--$20
Been in love-- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time --$50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it-- $25
Went streaking-- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight --$15
Been arrested-- $5
Spent time in jail --$15
Peed in the pool-- $0.50
Played spin the bottle-- $5
Done something you regret-- $20
Had a crush on your best friend--$5
Had sex with your best friend --$20
Had a crush on someone at work --$5
Had sex with someone you work with at work --$25
Lied to your mate --$5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good --$25

I got 325.50. Yeah, I've peed in a pool.

News????? Not really....

2006-07-18T00:09:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I'm a slacker. To tell the truth, I haven't had anything interesting to post about. I could write about all the sex conversation we still have at work like "How much masturbation is too much?" Personally, if it gets raw then you've went too far (at least if you are masturbating by yourself.) Vic says that if it gets ashy you've done too much. I tried to explain to him that white peeps don't get ashy. We just get pinker down there. I guess it's all relative to your stamina and the amount of lube that you use.

I have a new love in my life, sorta. Generally, I'm a creature of habit so I'm not prone to change. That all changed last Saturday. We took Des out for her 23rd birthday (CUNT!) After two Coronas, I still didn't have even the slightest buzz. usually, after four I'm dancing on the bar. I decided to switch my poison. That's when I fell in love. All I can say is Red Bull & Vodka praise be thy name. That's right DB has switched to the hard stuff. the reason I shyed away from liquor before is that it tends to make me a little aggressive. Things haven't changed. I recall asking some guy if he was retarded because he was wearing sunglasses in the bar. What the hell would possess someone to wear sunglasses at three o'clock in the morning? Did he think he looked cool? Retard! BTW- This is the type of men that I attract which is why I always win loser of the night. Loser of the night is a game we like to play when we go out. It's more of a contest. We determine at the end of the night who had the biggest loser hitting on them. This is why I'm thinking about switching teams. I get a much better quality of women hitting on me than men.

Saturday we ended up at Coyote Ugly. They let you dance on the bar (I wasn't joking about dancing on the bar.) This time I didn't get on the bar but I do remember, vaguely, getting hosed down. Des had some military guy hitting on her. She wouldn't let me get rid of him. I was dying to tell him to get lost. Yellow teeth.... ewwww!!! Yeah, I know I'm a bitch. I don't give a shit.

Oh.....why do I love my new alcohol of choice? No hangover! I was trashed but I woke up Sunday afternoon, not morning, feeling great. I didn't even have the slightest headache.

Here's my ode to Ozzfest. I got pitt tix. Hell yeah!

Disturbed
The Sickness

And it just keeps getting better......

2006-06-01T02:27:00.000-04:00

Slutgirl was hired at the bank about two years ago. My first impression was that she was a bitch. This is neither a lie nor a joke. I really thought she was a bitch. I've told her this several times. I wasn't wrong. She is a bitch. If you add that to the fact that she is white trash then you've got a winning combination. She freely admits both of these so I'm not bashing my friends. I'm just merely stating the facts.

Slutgirl had just recently gotten married to her husband shortly before starting to work with us. She had already been with him for several years and had two children with him so the logical thing seemed to be to get married. Slutgirl's husband, whom we'll call Dr. Doom, is a sheriff.

As I got to know Slutgirl, I learned that Dr. Doom had a little problem...... PREMATURE EJACULATION. Dr. Doom isn't a young man. He's in his late 40's. He should have outgrown that shit in his late teens. It seems that he couldn't last more than two minutes at the most. That would be be just enough to piss me off. Just when you start to get into it, he blows his load??????? Hell no! I'd be telling him to get down here and finish the job right.

Slutgirl found a way around his little problem.....Dr. Doom's best friend who is also a sheriff. That's right. If you're going to fuck around on someone, do it right. Fuck their best friend. The only real problem is that I might be a little scared fucking around on someone that carries a gun for a living.

This is the point where I should add that Slutgirl started this affair about two months after getting married. Basically, during the entire marriage, Dr. Doom's best friend was hitting it far more than he was. Oh.....The best friend is also married. They used to go out on double dates frequently. That had to be awkward.

If you're wondering, Slutgirl is in the middle of a divorce right now. She is currently living in their house with the children, drawing unemployment, while Dr. Doom is living with his mother. Dr. Doom has been ordered to pay all of the household bills until the divorce is final.

Believe it or not, the affair did not end the marriage. They separated in October. Slutgirl just told him about the affair three months ago. That's when she finally decided to end the affair. I guess that he's no longer fuckable since he's no longer her husband's best friend. The excitement's just not there anymore.

There's so much more to this story that I still haven't been given the okay to tell. But I believe that you can see why I call her white trash. If you're wondering why I call him Dr. Doom, there is a reason. We went to Universal Studios in the fall of last year. There's a ride there called Dr. Doom's free fall. It shoots you up fast, you get three bounces and then you come down. It just seemed fitting. You get three pumps and then you're done.

Now on to the good stuff. The new Godsmack album came out. Godsmack IV. Holy shit. I love it. Here's my new obsession.

Godsmack
Shine Down

2006-05-14T22:53:00.000-04:00

SEX....LIES....VIDEOTAPE

Okay, so I really don't have videotape but I would post it if I did. I have finally gotten permission to tell a story. I'm too damn lazy to write it tonight. So, I'll leave you with a question to think about.... What would you do for good sex and who is off limits? Yeah, I know. That's two questions. Sue me.

April 20th

2006-04-20T22:53:00.000-04:00

It's 4/20.... Damn that sounds good. Too bad I didn't smoke today. If you have one, light it for me. I don't wanna smoke alone.

Let's see......

Update....
The bank failed the audit. One of the managers got fired because of it....kinda. One of my friends got fired. I've had to put 7 of my 13 tellers on some type of probation. Yep....WORK SUCKS BALLS!!!

I do have some good news. I scored PIT tickets to Ozzfest. I can no longer curse Ticketmaster. Now, I can't decide if I want t sell them and make $1000.00 or get in that fuckin' crazy pit. That will depend on who the last Headliner is when it's finally announced (May 23rd.) Their version of headliner might be a little different than mine. I'm guessing it will be one of 3 groups....Avenged Sevenfold, Velvet Revolver (new album coming out) or Godsmack (new album coming out.) Anyone who knows me knows that if it's Godsmack I wouldn't sell the tickets for any amount of money.

Interesting news.....
I got molested last Saturday by some chick on the dancefloor. It was an interesting night. We should have chrged admission to see that shit.

Funny news......
Somebody gave a teller money with shit on it in our drive thru. Yes, it had actual excrement on it.....Still wet. My question was how the hell did they get shit on the money. We had to ship the money to the Fed as mutilated. This took a pair of rubber gloves and a lot of Purell. The teller is still tramatized from it. What a pussy!

That's all I got. I'm going out this Saturday. Hopefully, I'll get molested again.

A woman's poll....

2006-03-25T04:19:00.000-05:00

Let's be realistic. Size does matter. I've heard the bullshit that "It's not the size of the boat. It's the motion of the ocean." Really? Try rowing a boat with a fuckin' pencil and see how far you get. I'm not saying that all men should be built like Sean Michaels (If you don't know who he is, I'm sorry.) I'm just saying that there needs to be something down there.

Now, let's get into the logistics of size. Or better yet, which do women prefer. I did my own little poll and girth beat out length four to one. This is of course saying that both must be adequate regardless of your preference. With a lot of length and no girth, you have a pencil. With a lot of girth and no length, you have a stump.

So.......I have decided to take my poll to the next level. You really gotta love the internet

PS- I'm a girth girl myself.

Global Gathering

2006-03-19T23:36:00.000-05:00

The concert kicked ass. However, I'm still paying the price for it today. It lasted from noon until midnight and of course all the good bands didn't come on until late. Shinedown was the first good band to come on. I have to admit that they rocked. I wasn't overly fond of them before. They had a few good songs but nothing to write home about. After listening to them live, I'm a fan. That fucker can sing. He does look scary as hell though. Not the dirty rocker scary type....I kinda like that. He had more of a Charles Manson, I'm going to gut your ass, look. Still.....He can sing his ass off. It was during their set that Joan had her first taste of the pit. Some big dudes decided to start moshing right next to us. She screamed and flung her beer all over me. Vic was trying to protect us but my ass was already gone. I don't play that shit. I've already had one blackeye from a concert. I don't need another one. Five minutes later, she was right on the edge of the circle pushing them back. Sorry but I'm not that brave. I've seen the moshers get crazy where the swinging in every direction possible. After Shinedown, we had about 3 hours before another good band played so we decided to have a few drinks. After about 4 beers, for some reason I decided to get airbrushed. I have no idea why. All I can say is the alcohol and heat took hold of me. This picture would have been a hell of a lot better but they ran out of pasties. It seems that you can't run around with your naked breasts painted. You have to have your nipples covered. For some reason it's illegal. So......I had to keep my top on and paint around it. It actually looked pretty good for a while.

My paint didn't last all night. We got back in the pit when Avenged Sevenfold started playing. We started working our way to the front because Rob Zombie was on next. I saw Zombie at Ozzfest last year and he kicked ass. This year, I believe he was drunk. He still kicked ass but he seemed to skip a few lyrics. I know this happens sometimes but he was skipping entire verses. Overall, I'd still give him an A. This was also about the time that I lost my sunglasses. I have a bad habit of losing expensive sunglasses. But....I had kept this pair for about 2 years so at least I got a lot of use out of them. They were lost somewhere in the pit and it was impossible to try and look for them. It was impossible to even bend down by that point. I became very well acquainted with everyone around me. The guy in front of me, with the red shirt on, had a red and blue shirt and I didn't have a trace of the $40.00 airbrush job. At least I still have a picture which was sent to me from some guy that took it for me at the concert. I also have some beads. I'm not really sure how I got those.

Worst part of the day- I used a port-o-potty for the first time. Holy shit!!!!! Those things are nasty. For men it wouldn't be as bad. There was never any toilet paper and you can't wash your hands anywhere. It was basically piss, drip dry and pull your pants up over the piss that inevitably ran down your legs because you sure as hell are not going to sit on that thing. The only good thing was that they reeked of pot so I got a nice contact buzz from being in it so long.....in the dark.....no lights either.

Now......I can't wait for Ozzfest. The tickets go on sale the 25th of this month.

AC/DC
You Shook Me All Night Long

Wasn't me....

2006-03-14T22:46:00.000-05:00

Someone I know got laid this weekend...... Wasn't me
Someone I know had a pool party.....Wasn't me
Someone I know came into work with scratches all over their back.....Wasn't me
Someone got so trashed they don't remember having sex....Wasn't me
Or if they used protection....Most defintiely wasn't me

Someone better be kissing my ass for the rest of the week for not calling me to tell me about all this. I had no sex or alcohol all weekend. Damnit, help a girl out here!

2006-03-12T23:52:00.000-05:00

I spent almost an hour typing a long post regarding my absence and I lost the fucker. I'm too damn lazy to type everything over again so you'll get the condensed version.

The auditor has been in town. Not only has she been in town but she has been at our branch. For those of who who don't know what that means...... If she finds that we fuck up too bad, all and I mean ALL the managers will lose their jobs....Especially me because my job is the operations of the bank.

Now to the good stuff.... I will be attending the Global Music Gathering this Saturday. Holy fuck I can't wait. I know I've said this before but I really mean it this time. I plan on being bad...real bad. I haven't went out in a few weeks and I need to unwind. Vic always tells me that I'm bad but I'm good at it. He hasn't seen bad yet.

Question...Is it cheap to go back to a store days later to ask for the 1.50 they overcharged you?
A friend of mine did that. It took them 30 minutes to figure out how to do the refund. I'm sure the clerk was thinking the same thing I thought... "You should have realized it the first time you dumb bitch!" Also, I wonder how much gas she burned going back and forth for her 1.50.

Closing Time

2006-03-01T07:56:00.000-05:00

Last night is the reason that I will never volunteer to close again. I had a date after work so at first I balked at the idea of closing the branch. Being the closing manager, it would be my responsibility to make sure that everything is complete before I can leave. If any problems arise, I am the one responsible for fixing them. Well......We had major fucking problems last night.

THE PSYCHO

First, we had a psycho come into the branch right at closing time. He went to a teller and told her that he had fraud on his account. He shows her his license and proceeds to tells her that the signature on it is fake. The license is completely valid, only the signature is fake. Florida licenses are not embossed cards. They are more like a credit card. It's almost impossible to fake a signature on the card. The man is saying that it is the original license however someone changed the signature. (BTW- The signatures were almost identical.) He then tells us that he needs to go over his account but he doesn't have time s he will just get some travelers checks. Eight fucking thousand dollars worth of travelers checks. Considering that each individual check must be recorded and signed, this would take about an hour. Also, we already had them balanced and put up for the night. After about 30 minutes of convincing him why he shouldn't get travelers checks but rather an official check, he finally agrees. He wanted the checks so that he could pay bills with them. We kept telling him that they were for merchants only. You can't send a travelers check to the electric company to pay your bill.

THE FINALE

Here's where it gets good. Vic asks for my keys so that he can go into the vault and get an official check for the psycho. The checks were also balanced and put away but they are much easier to balance again. I think I should mention that all the other keys were locked away and I had the only remaining key to the vault.

After waiting about five minutes, I went to see where Vic was. He was standing next to the vault door. Here's what went down.
Me: Vic, where's my keys?
Vic: I left them in the vault but Joan's in there.
Amy: No she's not. I just saw her walk over there.
***** Joan comes walking over*****
Vic: Who shut the vault door?
Joan: I did. DJ said there was still a customer(the psycho) in the bank.

Basically, they locked the only keys to the bank in the fucking vault. I can't leave the bank because I can't lock the doors when I leave. I had the only key.

The vault has 2 doors to the entrance. The first is the main door that can only be locked and unlocked by combination. That door had not been shut yet. The second door is a gate. It's a glass door with a small opening on the top and on the bottom. Suddenly, everyone is trying to squeeze under the bottom of the door. We call Judy over because she's the smallest person there. She's about 5'1" and weights about 90lbs but she couldn't squeeze under the door. At that point I gave up. I went to my computer to look up the branch manager's cell number. He had just left about twenty minutes prior. I walked back around and saw DJ standing on a chair holding Judy by her feet over the top of the door. She was hanging upside down reaching for the door handle. I though I was going to have a fucking heart attack. I started yelling "You're going to fuckin' drop her!" I suddenly had a vision of her falling headfirst on the ground and getting knocked out.....behind a locked door.

Judy reached the handle and unlocked the door. I got my keys back and all was well in bankland. However, I will never let anyone touch my keys again.

2006-02-26T03:58:00.000-05:00

it's 4AM
I'm drunk
and tired
If I wasn't so tired I'd go upstairs and off a kitten.
i'll do it in the morning

Spay, Neuter or Masturbate?

2006-02-24T12:35:00.000-05:00

Should you spay or neuter your cat to decrease the amount of unwanted animals? There is another solution. We can all thank Jungle Jane for the idea....Or at least giving me the idea. It seems that every time you masturbate, a kitten dies. That being said, it would probably be a good idea to never spay or neuter your cat. They could be at risk of extinction. I personally am responsible for the deaths of at least two innocent kittens last week alone.

The public needs to be made aware of this catastrophe in the making. All personal sexual device boxes should contain a warning such as "May cause death in felines." Every lotion bottle should contain a similar warning.

On the upside, men that jerk off can take great delight in knowing that they really are fucking a pussy.

**I know this is sick and twisted but it amused the hell out of me**

Morons

2006-02-22T10:55:00.000-05:00

Rarely do I read news that infuriates me so much that I feel the need to rant about it here but that all changed yesterday. Even when New Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, called for rebuilding a Chocolate City I was not even mildly irritated at his racist comments. I was more amused at his stupidity at making such an idiotic public statement. However, Rev Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church displays of inhumanity pissed me off so much that I now understood why some people should be sterilized at birth. Rev. Phelps leads a group that protests the funerals of soldiers that have been killed in battle. His message is that America is a country that supports homosexuality and that God is killing these soldiers as retaliation. They say that the IED, improvised explosive device, is the sword of God. Really, I thought it was a fucking bomb. These people carry signs to the funerals that read "Fag soldier in hell" and "Thank God for IEDs." They also held a protest at the funerals of the 12 miners that were killed holding similar signs, "Fag miner in hell." Maybe they should read the Quran to see why these bombing are really happening. They might be shocked to know that they would also be considered one of the infidels that these bombs are directed at. This church/cult is not sanctioned by another larger church. That's no surprise. Also, it is made up mainly of Rev Phelps' family(inbreeding might explain this.)

There is a group that has formed to counteract these idiots. They call themselves the Patriot Guard Riders. Basically they form a wall between the protestors and the mourners. They travel across the country to help these families. This group was formed after a group of American Legion Riders learned of one the protests at a soldiers funeral. It mainly consists of veterans and bikers. This group should be commended for seeing a wrong being committed and actively doing something to prevent it. I know where my donations will be sent this year.

I hope that when Rev. Phelps dies ( the sooner the better) people protest at his funeral holding signs that read "False prophet in hell."

You can read the full story here. I also found the church's website but I refuse to link it because I don't want to raise their page rank with even a single link.

2006-02-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

I don't even know what holiday it was today but I was off. I think it was President's Day but honestly I don't give a shit. I've been in a pissy mood for the past few days. I did go to the concert Thursday. It was fanfuckingtabulous. I debated not going because I felt guilty having a good time when one of my friends just passed away. Then, I thought that she would want me to go. She wouldn't have wanted any of us to put our lives on hold. Also, my way of dealing with stress is to avoid it. If I don't think about it, it won't bother me. It sounds juvenille but it gets me over the humps.

I want to give you a few highlights from the concert. I'll wait until I get the pictures to give the full details.

We waited an hour in line just to get in the door. This was with tickets! The show was sold out.
We were directly in front of the stage. My specialty seems to be finding the perfect place in the pit.
Victor almost got kicked out. He decided to pick a fight with the head of security. Actually, he was doing his job. He told the dude to leave us alone because he kept hitting on Amy and I. And he was fucking nasty.
The host of the concert was a dude that I've seen on Ripleys. He put a drill in his nose. He put a condom in his nose and pulled it out his mouth. Also, his entire body was tattood like a snake. His teeth were filled down so that they were pointed and he had horns surgically implanted under his skin. Every time he shoved something in his nose I heard a lot of girls going "Eeewwwwww!" I was screaming "That's fucking awesome!"

Why does Disturbed kick ass? David Draiman, the lead singer, was telling people to download the new album if they couldn't buy it. It's nice to see a group that are more concerned with people knowing their music rather than getting paid...***Cough***Metallica***Cough***

...............

2006-02-16T16:26:00.000-05:00

My friend died a few hours ago. She has been fighting cancer for the past two years. She lost her battle at noon today. Everyone thought that she was doing better and she would beat it. Why are the good people taken from us and we are left with the assholes and morons that really deserve it?

Countdown

2006-02-16T14:05:00.000-05:00

In exactly 5 hours I will be at the Disturbed concert. It should be interesting to see what time and in what condition I get home.... especially considering that I have to be at work at 8am tomorrow morning. I'm not sure if I'm going to get in trouble or cause it. Hopefully both. Oh yeah..... If I had a dick, blogger can suck it! It took me 20 minutes to get on today and it keeps booting me off.

Question of the day

2006-02-14T14:03:00.000-05:00

Question of the day

What would you do with an unlimited supply of money? I'm not talking about the material things that you would buy. We would all buy a house, car, yacht, plane, jewelry.......I want to know the weird stuff.... The ridiculous just because I can things that only a shitload of money can provide.

Answers from work

A personal ball washer

A hitman (ouch)

A vibrating massage table with a dozen hotties to massage my body at the same time (Mine)

A person to massage my head all day ( Mine's better)

My pet is now 21

2006-02-13T12:33:00.000-05:00

My pet is now officailly legal. Akuma, Rude, Colenzo, Viczilla or Victor (Whatever name he's using at the time) turned 21 today. He's lucky that blogger isn't working correctly today otherwise I would have posted a real cute picture of him and a stuffed animal. Right now, I can't get any pictures to post. Lucky bastard!

2006-02-10T08:22:00.000-05:00

I have a little issue that I've been dealing with for a while. Technically, they are two issues that relate to each other. Men need to learn when and WHERE they can approach a woman. If I am at a bar, I expect men to hit on me. I would prefer to get a better quality of men but regardless, I know it's going to happen. For instance, take nutsack boy who assumed that just by asking I would put my name and number in his cell. Considering his cockiness, I'm surprised he didn't ask for a blowjob since he just assumed that I was going to say yes to whatever he asked.

There are, however, places that you should not (in my opinion) hit on a woman.

1- At the gym. A absolutely fucking detest men hitting on me at the gym. I give myself 60 fucking seconds between sets. Don't fuck up my rhythm. Why is the gym such a meat market? It gives me the creeps when they hover around especially on the lying leg curl. I wear my Ipod so that I don't have to act like I hear them. Also, I avoid eye contact at all costs. I won't even take any friends to the gym with me because I don't want to take the time out to try and converse with them. I'm planning on making little hand-held signs. I really only need one. It's going to read "Get the fuck away from me!"

2- At work. I get it at least once a week. Some asswipe feels the necessity to ask me out while I am at work. The latest was my favorite. A teller brings me a check and asks me if I remember the name. Of course I don't. She tells me that he said I should know who he is because I did a home equity for him a few months ago. I haven't did a home equity in about 2 years. Asswipe then comes over and acts all upset because I don't remember him. He won't fucking leave my desk. The problem with this is that he is a customer so I have to be nice. I can't exactly tell him to fuck off. He kept saying "I don't see a ring." That's right folks. I must be creaming my pants to go out with him just because he doesn't see a ring. I didn't see a ring on him but I know that he was married. He couldn't hide the fact that his wife's name was directly under his on his check. Note to men: Don't be stupid enough to date a woman that has total control over your money especially if you are married to someone else.

I realize that a lot of women actually welcome this kind of shit. I wouldn't even mind if men took a fucking hint the first time around. I just seem to attract the kind of man that thinks I have "I'm in desperate need of a good fuck." tattooed on my forehead.

Just another day at the office

2006-02-07T23:12:00.000-05:00

I've been the closing manager at the bank this week. Basically all the other managers leave at 4:30 and I leave at 6:45 or 7:00 or whenever the fuck we get done. The good thing about being the closing manager is that it starts to die down later in the day and the conversations start to get good. Besides the vibrator conversation that has been ongoing for about two weeks now, we started another perverted question for the employees. It started out innocently, as they usually do, but evolved into something better. We were talking about pissing (don't know why that was brought up.) Vic asked if I could pee in a bottle. Hell no! I have a hard enough time peeing in those cups they give you at the doctors. I said I could piss in a bottle if I was a man because would have something to aim with, basically a hose. This, of course, led me to my "I want a dick for a day" conversation. He asked me what I would do with a dick for a day. I told him I would masturbate all day. He then procedes to tell me that it is impossible to masturbate all day. I think differently. I know that my limit for having sex is 8 times in one day.....And, I can't go past 8 hours straight (I've only met one man that could.) I don't see why I couldn't masturbate all day if I had a dick.

It eventually led into "How much masturbation is too much?" My theory is that you stop when you start to get sore. If you use a good lube that will take a long time. Silicone based is better than water based even though it's bad for vibrators.

These were our mindless ponderings for the day.....besides me telling Slutgirl that her man wasn't screaming her name last night. It was really an echo from when he was going down on her.

Vic, this is the concert shirt I was talking about. I wasn't lying. 9 more days......

Mudvayne

Forget To Remember

"Hangover Sunday"

2006-02-05T13:52:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start a trend. Sunday's posts will now be titled "Hangover Sunday." I always go out Saturday night. I'm always hungover Sunday. I miss the days when I could drink all night, go to bed at 6am, wake up at 9am and still feel great the next day. I had 4 Coronas and 3 shots last night. I have no fucking idea what the shots were. I didn't buy them. I learned years ago that I can't mix beer and liquor but it's just too damn hard to pass up free alcohol especially when I'm already buzzed.

I'm starting another trend. It will be titled "Saturday's Loser." It doesn't matter who I go out with. I always attract the loser of the night. The kind of guy that you might be interested in if you were deaf, dumb and blind.... Or in some parallel universe.

This Saturday's Loser= Dumbass walks up to me and asks me if I like to just go out and have a good time. Well....Duh! I'm in a fucking bar retard! He then hands me his phone and tells me to put my name and number in it. My response was "You're joking right?" No, he was serious. His next line was "You have beautiful eyebrows." What the fuck??? Eyebrows? It's funny he was so enthralled with my eyebrows but he hardly even looked above my neck. Finally, I had to say "Dude, it will NEVER happen. Goodbye." Did I mention the fact that he was shorter than me? I'm 5'4". He also had the strangest hair I've ever seen. Add that to the fact that his nose was shaped like a banana. Basically, his head looked like a huge nutsack with a small dick in the middle. I won the award for attracting the biggest loser last night by attracting a 5' tall nutsack.

Last Saturday's Loser= I have to back it up to last Saturday because this guy was the one that gave me the idea of Saturday's Loser. I caught this dipshit's attention walking into the club. As we were walking I hear a guy say "I'm in heaven." I look to my right and see the guy from Deliverance. He was definitely a sight with his long stringy hair and his two front teeth. Yes, I said two. There might have been another tooth or two somewhere. Next, he bumps my arm and says "I'm in love." My response was "That's nice." That wasn't the end of it. Two seconds later, he bumps me again and says "Did you know that I'm an ancient Cherokee warrior?" This one actually amused me. I stopped walking, turned to him and said "Really? So am I. What a coincidence." This seemed to amuse the hell out of his because he then produced the biggest smile on his face I've ever seen. It was then that I confirmed that, yes, there were only two teeth. My friends thought this was hilarious. I will give the guy an A for creativity. That was a line I've never heard before. Also, he walked away on his own accord. That also deserves an A.

Now, on to the bitches I went out with last night. We were supposed to meet at a local bar at 8. This is just too damn early for me. I called them around 8:30 and told them I would be there in an hour. The note below is what I was given when I showed up at 10:00.

I should mention the fact that my cell was dead. I had to drive back to my house so that I could call the cunts and ask them where they were. I don't remember anybody's fucking cell so I couldn't call from the bar. I hope these bitches know that revenge is sweet. If they don't know, they will soon.

Today

2006-02-02T13:24:00.000-05:00

Alice in Chains

Would

I heard this song on my way to work this morning and on my way home for lunch. Would I? Hell yeah!

Snowflake

2006-01-31T17:59:00.000-05:00

I met you in the summer of '04

I first thought of you as a bitch

I later learned you were a whore

I promised Snowflake that I would dedicate a post to her. I have learned a few things about her since I first met her. Snowflake has the biggest set of balls I've ever seen on a woman. They are so fuckin' big that she needs to sling them around her neck in order to be able to walk around. Snowflake also has more plastic inserted into various parts of her body than should be humanly possible. By now, she probably owns 90% of the stock in Rubbermaid. Snowflake doesn't know how to do anything. To her credit, she freely admits that she's an imbecile.

I will admit that Snowflake is a lot of fun to go out with. Once, we talked a guy into putting our camera down his pants and taking a picture. Men, if you are asked to do this, please make sure that everything is trimmed before agreeing. I'm still not sure if his dick was just that small or if there was just too much winter-bush blocking the view. We got duplicates of that shit. Speaking of cameras, Snowflake thought it would be fun to take a picture of me taking a piss at the bar restroom. She held the camera over the stall door and took the picture. That film has yet to be developed since I have possession of it.

Snowflake also can't spell worth a shit. Last week, I found cancer sticks written on my cigarettes. Here's the conversation.

Me: VIC!!!! (Thinking that he was the one that did it.)

Snowflake: That was me.

Me: really? I didn't think it was you because it was spelled correctly.

Snowflake: Actually, I did screw up. I forgot the T in stick. It just didn't look right. Then I realized what it was.

I wish this conversation was a joke but it's not. Bitch can't spell.

Snowflake has horrible taste in men. Her last man lasted 17 seconds to 2 minutes maximum. Can you believe that shit? How can a man that is out of his teens blow his wad that soon? That would be just enough to piss me off. I'd tell the little bastard to get down there and finish the job.

Snowflake, I guess the real question is what cock are you sucking to keep this job?

WTF????

2006-01-30T13:17:00.000-05:00

How the hell do you skull fuck someone? I've been wondering this since someone said that would skull fuck any chick when they are drunk.

Favorite conversations of last week.

1- A co-worker was talking about the guy that she has recently been dating. We call him The Pharmacist. He works as a concierge in a hotel and drives a $60,000.00 car.

Her- The only problem is his dick.
Me- Really? Too small?
Her- No. He's not circumcised.
Me- Oh. What's the problem?
Her- Every time I hold it, I feel like I'm gonna pull the skin off. It just keeps going. It looks like a tube-worm.

2- We were discussing that someone really needs to get laid because they were way too tense but their boyfriend was holding out because he was pissed off at her. I told her to buy a vibrator if he doesn't want to take care of it. We then started discussing which to buy when another co-worker walked up.

Co-worker 1- What's up?
Co-worker 2- Do you own a toy?
Co-worker 1- EEEWWWWW NO!(with a disgusted look on her face)....2 seconds later.... Yeah but I don't like it. It's all ridged.

Special Delivery

2006-01-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

I got a special delivery today. 3 of the most beautiful pieces of paper I have ever seen.

HELL YEAH

Vic, here's the deal. You promise to get us up front and will wear the "Sex, Drug and Rock-N-Roll" shirt. I promise you there will be a fight that you so desire.

Now this is totally my type of man: David Draiman....ummmmmm....hmmmmm!

Disturbed

Prayer

I'm a clutz

2006-01-26T08:31:00.000-05:00

Typing is fun right now because I fell down my stairs. My right arm caught the railing and it is now a lovely shade of purplish-blue. I wish I could say that this was the first time I fell down the stairs...or even the second....or even the worst. Once, I fell down them so hard that when I hit the floor I slid across the room and into my panty door.

I wish there was a clumsiness contest because I would win it by a landslide.

Right now, I need a Vicodin to ease the pain or at least to get me high. Either way, I'll be happy.

I got tagged in just the right place.

2006-01-25T00:34:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Flamingo1. This came as a total shock. Normally, when I get tagged, I like to tell them where to tag me but this time I had no forewarning. Oh well. You take what you can get.

I will now tell you 5 things that are weird about me.

1- I asked several people what they thought and I got one universal answer, my behavior while drinking. While most women get horny when they drink, I don't even want to think about having sex then. There is a simple reason for this. No orgasm on achohol. No need to bother if no orgasm. Also, after 6 beers I'm ready for bed(my bed...alone.) I won't drink liquor of any kind. Liquor turns Drunk Bitch into Drunk Arrogant Aggressive Puking Bitch.

2- My taste in music. I have never met a woman that has the same taste in music as I do. If the band doesn't have a ton of tattoos, piercings & some type of drug habit, I won't listen to them. This would not be strange if I was.... say... a man. I like my music hard just like my.....

3- My eating habits. I know I've posted about this before. I eat like a 3 year old. I eat one thing at a time until it's gone and my foods are not allowed to touch. Last night I had steak, spinach and mashed potatoes. I kept titling my plate because the juice from my steak was getting in my potatoes. I couldn't eat the part of the potatoes that were contaminated with the steak juice.

4- All my limbs are double-jointed. I can pull my fingers backwards so that they touch my forearm. I can lock my hands behind my back and bring them over my head to my front, still locked. Go ahead, try it. That shit's hard. My can take my hand and twist it 180 degrees and lay it flat. My elbow looks freaky when I do that. And yes, I can put my legs behind my head.

5- I have yet to date a man that can out eat me. What can I say? I like food.

Since I usually get about a 50% response on my taggings, I tagging all of your asses.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

2006-01-22T23:29:00.000-05:00

The Florida Lottery was at 50 million dollars and one lucky bastard won it. Did I mention that ONE person won it? My only hope now is that the lottery pool at the bank picked the lucky number. I will have no issues whatsoever sharing 50 million with 20 people. More than likely, I will be spending the rest of next week in servitude to the elderly rather than driving up to Tallahassee to collect my winnings. I'm getting sick of working with these old fuckers. Before this job, I believed that you should always respect your elders. We do have some real sweethearts but for the most part these fuckers should be institutionalized.
Examples
Customer- Why did my check bounce?
Me- Because there was not enough funds in the account.
Customer- Why didn't you call me?
Me- I'm sorry but unfortunately we have thousands of checks that bounce and we just cannot call everyone.
What I want to say- Because I'm not your fucking mother. If you balanced your fucking checkbook, this shit wouldn't happen, you fucking moron!
Customer- This is the banks fault. They should know that I make a deposit every Friday. That check should not have bounced.
Me- I'm sorry sir but we do not monitor you deposit activity.
What I want to say- So what you're saying is that you want to blame us because you're writing checks when you have no money in the bank. You know, a smart person would make a deposit and then write their checks. It's just a thought but you might want to think about it..... DUMBASS!
Customer- Well, I'm not paying that fee. It's not my fault.
Me- I'm sorry but the overdraft fee has already been charged to your account.
What I want to say- Like you have a fucking choice. We've already got the money. And... Because you're such an ignorant asshole, there is no way in hell that I'm going to refund it. So... Blow it out your ass!

In reality, I would have to refund the fee because the bigger the asshole, the more likely they are to complain to corporate. I'm sure you know how that goes. Shit rolls downhill.

I had another fun situation which gave me a little more latitude....A non-customer. These are usually the biggest assholes and the beauty is that I don't have to kiss their ass because they are NON-CUSTOMERS. A man comes into the bank claiming that he is the new President of a condo association and that he needs to change the names on all the accounts. He then proceeds to tell us that none of the old signers can come in to authorize it.

Here's the rundown on what we need to change names on a business:

At least one of the current signers must be present to authorize the change.
Minutes of the meeting from the business stating the changes requested.
All new signers must be present at the time to make the change.

What did this dipshit have? Nothing! He tells us that the old signers can't come in because they are not allowed to have anything else to do with it. (What he means is that they got in a fight and the old signers got voted out and none of them are speaking.) He also tells us that the new signers are too busy to come in. (Has this fucking yuckster even heard of The Patriot Act? If a bank doesn't positively ID a customer it's their ass on the line.) He had no fucking idea what minutes were. (This one I could have let slide. Minutes can be written at any time on anything.)

In the end, he left screaming that he was going to close all the account if we didn't do it for him. Really?????? Let's see...... You're not authorized to transact on an account but you are going to close it? Lets see how you accomplish that one Houdini!

Pray for me that we won. If we won, I will still work there long enough to get the money. I will also make sure to piss off every customer that even looks at me crossways.

If we didn't win the lottery, this is dedicated to the person that did.

Godsmack

I Fucking Hate You

I was caught red handed... Actually white boobied.

2006-01-19T22:31:00.000-05:00

I decided to provide photographic evidence of what I like now to call 'Barssiere Gate.' Can you see a bra in the first picture? No...... Neither can I. Good luck.... Bad lighting...... Whatever the hell caused it. I'm not complaining. Do you notice Slutgirl on the left? Did she really need a black bra? Wouldn't it have made more sense to have her wear the white one and let me wear the black one.? I hope you know that I will own the black bra when you get them taken out next month. No good deed goes unpunished.
Slutgirl and I decided to take a crack at artistic photography in the bathroom of a bar. By this point I was trashed. She had quit drinking by this point and seemed content watching me be a bitch. That's what I'm good at when I drink.

Here's the prize shot. Do you see the white bra? Yeah....Me too. The sad thing is that I wore this out again before I got the pictures back. FYI- It is not a nipple you see on the other breast as Vic claims. It's a fucking crease in the shirt. If it was, you would see both of them and I would have something else to make fun of myself about.

All in all, if you can't make fun of yourself then you need to get a fucking life. I think I'll start selling off my party pictures to the highest bidder......Except the toilet shot. Not gonna happen SG! Ever!

Stabbing Westward

Save Yourself

What the fuck?

2006-01-19T02:29:00.000-05:00

I was reading PostSecret today and came across an interesting postcard that said "I am so sexually inhibited I wear a male chastity belt." I didn't even know these things exist. It came with an interesting picture of one as well. This was just too much for me. I had to check it out.

There seems to be quite a fetish for male chastity belts. I'm not sure what to say about them. Seeing is believing.
This little beauty is the small version. I'm not sure what man would willingly buy anything small that related to their dick even if they needed it.

This is a chastity tube. It looks more like a water faucet to me. I can't help but think what would come out the bottom if you turned the lock on the top.

There were much, much worse pictures than this but I was trying to keep it semi-clean. Plus, some of the male models they use for these could put John Holmes to shame.

Why?

2006-01-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

Why do people ask for advice yet never listen when it's given? They keep going back to the same old shit over and over again. Everybody and their fucking mother comes to me for relationship advice but not a single person ever actually listens. Yeah, I'm the friend that WILL tell you I told you so not "Oh, you poor baby."

DB's dating rules

If someone tells you not to call, don't fucking call them!
Don't let your world revolve around who you are fucking. It's just an orgasm. With enough practice, you can achieve the same results by yourself.
If someone tells you to figure out yourself why they are mad, it means that it's so fucking petty that they are too embarrassed to admit what they problem is.
Don't obsess over an asshole. You know when you are dating an asshole. This needs no further explanation.
Don't obsess over what you did wrong. It's already done. And... Who says that it was your fault in the first place?
Don't obsess over what someone thinks about you. Who gives a shit what someone else thinks about you? If they can't accept you, then someone else can.
Don't obsess period. Why stress yourself over something that you can't change? Basically, get the fuck over it!
If you can't enjoy the situation, you shouldn't be there.

I'm sorry. I just don't get it. I see so many people letting another control their every action, their every thought. If someone makes you feel that bad about yourself, GOODBYE! As you can see, I'm real fun to date. I don't take shit from anyone and I do whatever I feel like.

This is for Amy, not that she'll listen....Dumbass!

South Florida

2006-01-16T15:09:00.000-05:00

Why do I love South Florida? They have the BEST fucking concerts down here. I'll be seeing Disturbed next month and now I found out that there is another killer concert coming to town.

Global Gathering Music Festival
Nine Inch Nails- I will finally get to see them.
Rob Zombie
Avenged Sevenfold
Shinedown
Plus...... Too damn many to name. It's like Ozzfest only better. I'll be in a musical euphoria for the next two months. Maybe it's a musical orgasm. I'm not sure how to classify it.

On another note, I know I'm asking for it with this one but I couldn't help myself. Play along if you like. If not, I don't care. I've seen several people do this one and the stories are hilarious. Don't worry about offending, like you really would care. BJ and I ended up with some strange VD and tattoos on our asses already.

Please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you! You've got free reign. Start your sentence "Remember when you and I...."

Please remember that you asked for this.....

The Art Of Snelching
Snelching is a technique used by long term cocaine users to rid themselves of their opiate addiction. Snelching was developed from its cousin, felching, and is similar in that involves the suction of semen, excrement and/or other fluids from a person's rectum. Rather than sucking these fluids out of the rectum through a straw, they are instead snorted out by placing the straw in the nostril.

***I found this educational snelching information here***

I never win.

2006-01-15T21:43:00.000-05:00

Why can't I be #1 just once? I check out my stats today and the closest I came was #4.

Here's what people were looking for when they found me:

All chick no dick. I came in 4th on this one.
Everything girl. I came in 6th on this one.
Dirty pictures. I came in 9th here.
Dirty girl. I came in 7th..... I should have been much higher here.
Fucking ten years old girl. I came in 4th. I'm sorry I even made that one.
Snelching. I gave up looking for where I came in on this one but I would like to congratulate Danny for making 1st place here.

Yeah, I know it's stupid but this shit amuses the hell out of me. I need something to make me feel better. I think I'll listen to a little Chris Cornell. Damn, I love his voice.

Audioslave

Cochise

Spammers

2006-01-13T19:59:00.000-05:00

I have found a new technique that spammers are using. They are going back to old posts and spamming them. Most people don't check to see if they got any comments on posts that are 2 months old. I don't check that far back. I rarely check to see if I got comments the previous post. The only reason that I caught this new spam scam was because I started having my comments sent to my e-mail. I did this because my bank blocked blogger. I'm too damn addicted to go all day with getting my blogger fix.

Anyways, I want to credit the asstard that came up with this idea. Don't worry Scott (http://saedwards.blogspot.com/) . I've got plans for your ass. Spam is still spam even if you cover it with a blog.

Thank you Slutgirl!!!!

2006-01-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

I want to thank Slutgirl for New Years Eve. I want to thank her for telling me that the white bra won't show under the black shirt. I want to thank her for buying a camera that shows just how well the white bra doesn't show under the black shirt. I want to thank her for taking all the pictures that shows how well the bra doesn't show through my shirt.

Thank you Slutgirl. Thank you for my New Years Eve fashion faux pas and FUCK YOU!

FYI- I have to admit that the bra normally didn't show. The camera just seemed to bring the white out in all it's glory.

Today sucks!!!!

2006-01-11T15:56:00.000-05:00

I can't even say today. This week sucks. Let me count the reasons.

1- I've been sick. ... throwing up sick.

2- I had to write up one of my friends.

3- I'm wrong. I had to write up TWO of my friends.

4- I got in troulble because my tellers are getting bad scores on their surveys. (We call customers and ask them how their experience was.)

5- Somebody hit my car. I noticed this today as I was leaving for work sick.

6- Did I mention that I am still sick?

At this point, I don't give a fuck.

Christmas Party 2005

2006-01-05T12:55:00.000-05:00

Wait.... I'm not allowed to sat that. It was the "End of year celebration." Whatever it was, it took Amy a month to get me the pictures. Also, she bought a cheap disposable camera so the pictures turned out like shit.
Amy looks too funny here not to post even though she told me not to. I think she's trying to do the Dio horns. The funny thing is that I don't think she even knows who Dio is.

Here I am. I decided to go without a shaw. What can I say? I'm a slut.... Not really. I just didn't feel like carrying that damn thing around all night.
I am the only person in this picture that had enough sense to change clothes before we hit the clubs. I did have to change in the car on the way there but it was soooooo worth it. Sorry, there are no pictures of me changing. I had control of the camera at that time.

How I spent my Monday

2006-01-03T13:12:00.000-05:00

For some reason I was at it again yesterday. I blame it all on Joan who got me a gift card from Sephora. I just couldn't let it go to waste. I should explain that I hardly ever buy makeup from them even though that's what they are knopwn for. The last actual makeup that I bought was a blush and gloss combo from Nars named Multiple Orgasms. How could I resist that? I usually buy soaps, shampoos & lotions from them. I haven't used a drug store bought product on my body in years. It's my one big indulgence. Okay...... Its' one of my big indulgences. It seems that Victorias's Secret was having a nice sale..... Another thing I can't resist is lingerie.

The rest of my day was spent watching the television. Since I hardly ever watch TV, I ended up watching Discovery Health all day. It was a marathon of Plastic Surgery: Before & After. I saw a lot of breast augmentations, breast lifts with implants, tummy tucks, neck lifts and liposuction. After watching that all day I pray that I grow old gracefully. They also had a lot of whole body lifts. This is done when people lose a lot of weight. Their skin has been stretched out so far that it won't come back. Their bodies look like Shar-Peis. The doctor basically cuts all the excess skin off and sews the ends together. I commend these people on losing all the weight but if I ever get that big I hope someone shoots me. Yeah.... have body issues especially with my own. I think all women do. Will I cover myself up and never go out because of it? Hell no! I'll just hit the gym more. I don't want to be on some show where they are pulling my face back and cutting off parts of my skin.

Anyhoo..... Let's see if I have a more productive day today.

Men vs Women

2005-12-30T00:44:00.000-05:00

I'm in a survey kinda mood. Sooooo...... Here are some of the things that Someone and I have argued about.

This is my favorite. Someone believes that women have all the power because they have all the pussy. It's not that I agree with this but, damn, I'm not going to argue with that theory. FYI- Someone is a male. I guess he's getting it pretty good.
Toilet paper- Should it hang from the top or the bottom? I prefer bottom (just on toilet paper.)
Breasts- Someone, being male, believes that there is no such thing as too big. In my opinion, if those things are bigger than your head you should have had less CCs put in.
Corvettes- I just don't see the thrill in them. Every time I see one I think mid-life crisis. Men seem to think their car is an extension of their dick. Have you noticed how popular Hummers have gotten?
Tattoos- Someone thinks they are disgusting. I'm dying to get one. Enough said.
Movies- Someone will tell me how they want to see a new movie that basically has no plot beyond shooting, killing, maybe someone gets kidnapped & the hero saves the day in the end. Steven Segal ring a bell? I don't like love stories. I just want a movie that might actually be believable and I can't guess who will get killed next.
Music- Someone has okay taste in music. Too bad it doesn't extend past 1985. I like a variety of music. I have a tendency to listen to Hard Rock and Metal more but I can handle almost anything except Country. EEEWWWW!!!!!

I need more opinions

2005-12-29T13:36:00.000-05:00

Actually, I don't need more opinions. I just need more people to agree with me. I've had an on-going argument with Someone for a few years now. I believe that Someone is completely tone deaf.

Who was better in Van Halen? David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?
Say Sammy! Say Sammy! Say Sammy! Say Sammy!

I saw both of them perform together two years ago and David Lee Roth sucked monkey balls. He has totally lost his voice.(Not that it ever any good in the first place.) Sammy Hagar, however, sounds just like he did 20 years ago.

I know this is a stupid post but I need a little support here.

Now, to show my undying devotion to Sammy. Will the real Van Halen please stand up?

Van Halen

Can't Stop Lovin' You

Tales of Inbredville

2005-12-27T12:29:00.000-05:00

I'm back from Inbredville and the trip was ummmm....... Interesting. I had decided to drive there because I'm just too damn cheap to pay $500.00 for a ticket. It would only cost about $200.00 in gas to drive there and back. I would pay for that decision on the drive back.

I'll start with the most memorable part of the trip. My cousin was put in the hospital my second day there. It seems that he has decided to become a junkie over the past year. His excuse was that he was upset over his divorce. He went from snorting cocaine and popping pills to shooting up OxyContin. I assume they grind then burn the pill so that it will be injectable. Basically, he shot up so much that both of his arms were infected to the point that he couldn't even move them. My family was scared to take him to the doctor because they were afraid they would give him more drugs. I kept telling them to just tell the doctor that he was a junkie and fix whatever was wrong but don't give him drugs. When they took him, the doctor told them that if they had waited any longer he would have died. At first they thought they were going to have to do surgery to remove tissue from his arms because they were so bad. Later they decided to poke holes in his arms to try to drain some of the infection. He will have to go to physical therapy to use his arms again. He is now a diabetic because of all the drugs that he did. He will have to take insulin for the rest of his life. Also, his kidneys and his liver are destroyed. I'm not sure what they plan to do about that. I became detached after learning that he refused to go to detox. He thinks he can get off the drugs by himself. Anyone that shoots up 500mg of Oxy a day can't do it themselves. By the way, Oxy has a street value of one dollar per mg. That means that he was spending about $500.00 a day on his habit. He has put his father in debt over 100K. His parents seem oblivious to it. They kept telling me that they would help him and he would beat it. They didn't want to believe that their son was so messed up that he needed outside help. I asked them how they were going to feel when he died. I asked them what they were going to tell his two small children about how their daddy died. I asked him the same thing. I know I seem like a cold bitch but I wanted to get the point across. He has a 2 year old and a 6 year old. They need to think about what this is doing to the children. His life should belong to those children not himself. I have no doubt that he will die if they don't get him in rehab. You can't force a person to go to rehab if they don't want to but they are not even willing to push the issue with him. Basically, I gave up.

On a lighter side, I did some shopping. I got an ankle bracelet and a navel ring ( Mine fell out at the last club I went to.) Also, I got a digital camera. I'm going to get into so much trouble with that thing.

I guess I should talk about the drive back. I took I40 which takes you through North Carolina. I40 takes you over the mountain in NC. My dumb ass decided to leave at midnight. It also happened to be the coldest day yet. This was the one day that I didn't call to get the temperature. It was ranging from 25 to 15 degrees. Anyhoo... As I was driving it started snowing. The higher on the mountain I got the more it snowed. It got to the point that it looked like a blizzard. I couldn't see the road. I couldn't see anything. Everything was white. This isn't a good predicament to be in when you've got a 300ft drop on one side of the road. Needless to say, my 12 hour drive took over 16 hours on the return trip.

I also fell in love on my vacation. Where I am from, they have absolutely no good radio stations. If you don't like country you are fucked. I did find one station that played a little Bud Light Rock and with some Pop and Rap. There was no real Rock or Metal. Why am I in love? I bought an adaptor that plays my IPod on my car stereo. I'd marry the thing if I could.

I'm back to the song of the day. I plan on playing a lot of this group until Feb. Who else can scream like that and still sound good.

Disturbed

Stricken

I need Advil

2005-12-18T14:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure where to begin about lastnight. I'll guess I'll start by saying that I can't walk straight. I had the biggest stud between my legs than I've had in ten years. I'm in pain. My legs hurt. My hands hurts. I feel like I've been rode hard and hung up wet. In a way I was. I guess it's best to start in the beginning.....

Jac, Des and I decided to hit the Hard Rock lastnight for and night of dancing and drinking. We accomplished these things and much more. We started out going to Passions. It probably has the best dance music plus you can dance on top of the speakers. Jac has a 'Too pretty to pay or wait pass.' That meant that we didn't wait in line because cute girls never have to pay to get in there. We might have drank about two drinks there when we decided to head over to another club. Honestly, I don't remember the name of the club. I only remember it because it has a mechanical bull, hence the big stud between my legs. I'll bet you thought I got some dick, huh? The line was enormous to get in. We waited about ten minutes when one of the bouncers came up to me and told me to follow him. That's right! Our asses got to cut in front of everyone. What a beautiful thing. Anyways, I hear some guy bitching as we enter the door. Later, Des tells me he was yelling "This is bullshit! You're gonna let those skanks in before us!" All I can say is that he's lucky I didn't hear that. Man or woman, it doesn't matter. If you throw an insult like that my way I will take your ass down by any means possible. Anyhooo..... I was the dumbass that said " Sure, I'll ride the bull." Well, they were more than happy to let me ride it. The guy that controlled the bull took great pleasure in seeing large breasts bouncing up and down on the bull. First, you have to sign a waiver to ride the bull. That should be the first clue. Clue number two would be seeing people go flying off it left and right. I have rode a mechanical bull about ten years ago. It is much harder than it looks. You have to have a great deal of leg strength because your hand will not keep you on that bull. You also have to try to keep your body at a 90 degree angle from the ground no matter what the bull is doing. Sooo.......yeah. I rode the bull. Jac and Des were screaming their lungs out. The guy that was controlling it kept telling me to pull my hair back. He just wanted to see tits bouncing. I did finally fall off. The guy kept telling me "Get back on. Get back on." Uhhhh...NO! By that time I was sweating like a nun in a whore house and my legs were aching. What hurts is when the bull bucks. Your body goes forward landing on handle thus crushing your hand and bruising your legs. Today, my inner thighs look like someone beat me with a broom and my hand has three cuts on it. Ahhhh..... The price I pay for an adrenaline rush.

After riding the bull, I was ready to hit the club and dance so we headed back to Passions. By then it was packed. We went in and scoped out a speaker to dance on. The speaker are huge. The are located on the four corners of the dance floor. If you get up on one to dance, everyone in the club will see you. Jac and I are exhibitionists. Des wouldn't get up there with us. Later, we ended up dancing on the floor. I had some guy that wouldn't leave me alone. Why the fuck do I get the guys that fall in love at the club? First, when he starts dancing with me he gets hard. I don't mean a little semi. I mean full-on rock-fucking-hard. Then he tries to kiss me. Sorry, not fucking gonna happen. I don't go to clubs to meet guys. There needs to be rules for these dumbasses so they will know what they can and can't do.

If you can't control your dick, don't be rubbing it against me. I don't want to feel that little thing against my ass.
Under no circumstances whatsoever, try to kiss me. Just because I dance with you for a few minutes, it doesn't mean I want your nasty fucking tongue down my throat.
Do not beg for my phone number. You will never get it. You didn't even get my real name.
Don't tell me how beautiful I am every ten minutes. Seriously, You think I don't already know. Okay, I know that sounded conceded but I know I look good as do tons of other women out there.
Don't tell me how special I am. You don't know me. I could be a serial killer. I could be totally psychotic.
Do not follow me out of the club. Don't follow me period. I already have one pet. I don't need a fucking lap-dog.

Okay, I feel better now. I really think some of these should be rules that all men should read before entering the club. It would make it so much easier on women worldwide.

I didn't get rid of "in-love boy' until we were almost back in the casino. Yes, he followed me out of the club. I guess he thought that if he begged enough I would give in. FYI- I hate weak men. Jac had some guy that she was dancing with follow her out as well, along with a few of his friends. Jac mentioned that she wanted to get something to eat and the guys wanted to go to. I have to admit that Jac's guy was nice. He was polite and kept his hands to himself unlike his friends. As I was walking I felt a hand on my ass. I was tired by this point and could find absolutely no humor in it. I turned around to see one of the guys smiling back at me. I said 'Don't! Not funny!" About one minute later, hand on the ass again. I might of lost it at this point. I turned around and screamed "If your hand touches my ass one more fucking time, you'll be picking you balls out of your nostrils." Needless to say, they didn't want to hang with us anymore. That was fine with me. I wanted to go home and go to sleep. By this time, it was around 5:30 in the morning. I had been up since 8:00 the previous morning. It was finally time for the long drive home.

Oh wait.... I did have one final little incident that I found amusing. I had a guy follow me on the elevator. We were on the 3rd floor. He was on the 2nd. He got off on his floor with his friend and just as the door was closing he put his hand in between to get back on the elevator. He gets back on and says "I'm sorry. I had to do that. What are you names? Actually, I'm interested in you." looking at me. I still didn't give my real name. I never do when I'm out. I have to give the guy credit. I liked his style. See what you want and go for it. He didn't even follow us off the elevator. Again, I like that. He wasn't the least bit attractive but if I had to pick a guy for the night it would have been him. There's a fine line between being arrogant and being bold. If a guy know how to walk that line it's sexy as hell. Unfortunately, they usually start veering towards the arrogant category.

I have one final thing to say besides the fact that I'm still in pain. I will be away until next Monday. I got places to go and people to see. I'm visiting my family for Christmas. I'm Tennessee bound..... Off to Inbredville!

Blogger

2005-12-16T13:56:00.000-05:00

I hate word veriFUCKation. Recently, I think it has it in for me beacuse of my hatred. It's been giving me 8 or 9 letters like zikzxfflt. Plus, all the letters are slanted so you have a hard time telling what they are. I started a game once to see if I could come up with a sentence out of the letters but that became too damn difficult. Shouldn't word veriFUCKation be an actual word? Otherwise they should rename it to letter verification or let's see if you can read this verification.

Okay, I'm done bitching.

I have a guest

2005-12-14T13:19:00.000-05:00

I've been stressed lately. Why? Because there's a fucking spider living in my car and the bitch is big. It probably killed the lizard that was living in my car last month. The worst part is that the little bastard has found a way in and out through my vent. I've seen it crawling across my dashborad as I was driving....almost wrecked. I saw it lastnight on the windshield as I driving. This may seem trivial to some but it fuckin' freaks my ass out. I actually have visions of it falling from my roof onto my head. Yes, that has happened before. For someone who HATES spiders so much, I seem to attract the little bastards. I've had more spiders crawling on my body than should be humanly possible. I'll admit it. I'm scared to get in my car especially at night. I think I'm going to bomb my car. Hopefully, next month another type of critter will take up residence in my car.

Hmmmmm.......

2005-12-12T00:56:00.000-05:00

Does the Batmobile remind anyone else of something? I'm just wondering if Bruce Wayne is compensating for something.

Drinking 101

2005-12-08T23:58:00.000-05:00

One Star Hangover(*)No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
Two Star Hangover (**)No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
Three Star Hangover (***)Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't pee'd once.
Four Star Hangover (****)Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
Five Star Hangover (*****)You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now...

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

I have to say one thing. I never drink and drive EVER. But.... if I ever did, I want to be as smooth as this guy. I can't even say the alphabet backwards sober.

Adventures in tanning

2005-12-08T14:14:00.000-05:00

I had to write about this again because it was one of the most memorable experiences I've ever had. I was under the impression that you go into a booth and something sprays the tanning solution on you. This is what a friend told me. Well..... My salon doesn't do it that way. Mine has a much more personal approach. They call you into a room and tell you to take off your clothes. Then, they tell you to place your hands over your head on the wall behind you. Did I say naked? Okay, now turn around so we can get the backside. Put your legs a little further apart. Now, she knows me just as well as my gynecologist. After they are done spraying you, they take a hairdryer to dry you off. Then they put powder on you. I felt like I was ready to go in a deepfryer after that. This stuff feels nasty on your body and you have to leave it in for 6 hours. 6 hours after I got it done was the middle of the night. Therefore, I slept in it. When I woke up, I looked like an Oompa Loompa. That's when the little debate starts in my head about whether or not I should call in. I decided to take a shower to wash the shit off to see if it looked any better. YES!!!!!! I looked like a normal person afterwards. Actually, it looks pretty fuckin' hot. I would recommend this as an alternative to sunbathing.... unless you have even an ounce of modesty.

Also, I want to thank Vic for finding another resemblance of me. This one is getting boned by a werewolf. Let's all give him a hand for this.

2005-12-07T14:08:00.000-05:00

I'm going to get a spray tan after work today. I want to go to the party without hearing "Holy shit! WHITE GIRL!" Yeah, I'm pale. Living in Florida, you would think that I would have a nice tan. Unfortunatly, that's not the case. I look like a ghost. Anyways, this should be a humbling experience. I have a feeling it's gonna be like getting a Brazilian wax.

Question for the ladies.

2005-12-06T08:24:00.000-05:00

My company's end of year celebration is this Saturday. It is a formal occasion. I've had my date for a month but I finally got my dress. The picture is similar to my dress. I'm starting to have a little problem with it though. It shows a lot of cleavage. I mean a lot. I didn't do this intentionally. It was the only dress that fit right. After I brought it home I starting doubting my choice. All the VPs will be down from Ohio and I will be there showing them my tits. Not really a good idea. I'm going to wear it regardless because I've looked forever for a dress and it was the only one suitable. My choices were fairly limited as usual because well....... I'm short. Full length dresses must be made for women 5'9' or taller because even with heels they are still way too long. I'm too fucking lazy to get them altered. If it doesn't fit off the rack, I won't buy it.

As I stated earlier, my dress is similar to this one. The top is made the same way but it doesn't look the same on me. It's not so bad that I need double-sided tape but it's pretty damn close.

Here's the question: How much cleavage is too much for a formal company party?

Taproot

Calling

Is it fruit?

2005-12-04T23:13:00.000-05:00

I saw the new Fruit Of The Loom commercial the other day and something struck me. What the fuck is that orange thing? I know there are red grapes(which are purple), green grapes and an apple. It looks like a shriveled up orange. Is is supposed to be leaves? If so, I don't believe that could be classified as fruit. I've seen these commercials most of my life but I have never wondered what that thing was until now.

I know...... I should be pondering something more important like the meaning of life but I can't get this out of my head.

December 3, 2001

2005-12-03T10:38:00.000-05:00

I remember....... You saved my life once when we were children. I wish I had been there to save your's.

You know what this means.

Queen
Princes Of The Universe

I love winter!

2005-12-02T12:36:00.000-05:00

I love winter. The reason is quite simple. The winter in Florida becomes concert utopia. There are two upcoming concerts that can only be described as musical orgasms.

Buzz's bake sale (tomorrow)
Staind
Trapt
Taproot
Our Lady Of Peace
My Chemical Romance
And many more.....

Christmas Khaos (Dec. 16th)
Korn
Mudvayne
Sevendust
Drowning Pool
And many more....

And now for the finale...... Drumroll please

Disturbed will be here Feb 16th (3 days after Vic's 21st birthday)

Damn... I'm gonna need a cigarette after all this.

Rob Zombie

Dragula

You know you're a drunk when.....

2005-12-01T05:20:00.000-05:00

You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job is interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.
Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor..
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
I'm as sober as a judge.
The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night

I'm a retard

2005-11-30T12:41:00.000-05:00

Today should officially be labeled 'DB is retarded day.' I have three reasons why I am a retard today(only today).

1- I came in to work early so I could test our alarms to make sure they are working. I have to test them on a monthly basis and I saved it until the last day of the month. This must be done when there are no customers in the bank so that means either early in the morning or after we close. I have to call and have us put in test mode. Then, I have to enter test mode on our keypad. For some reason, the alarms were not working.....Not a single one. It only took me about 3 hours to figure out why they didn't work. I never touched the keypad thus never initiating the test. I'm only telling this to the blogworld. Everyone at the bank thinks our alarms are just fucked up.

2- This one I couldn't hide from the bank. As I was walking around bitching about the alarms, one of the girls yells "Hey DB, you have two different shoes on!" I yell back 'No, I don't" as I look down and see that I actually do have two different shoes on. They weren't even similar. One was leather while the other was cloth. The heels were different heights. At least they were the same color. FYI- I gave our branch manager shit for doing the exact same thing about a month ago. I razzed him for about a week. Let's hope he is more forgiving.

3- I was in too much of a hurry to get home for lunch. I was driving down a backstreet looking at the car in front of me that was parked. I was getting mildly irritated because it looked like they were parked right at the stop sign, the sign I had to make a right at. I was trying to figure out if there was an actual person in the car when I realized that they were NOT parked at the stop sign. There were parked after the intersection. I on the other hand was getting ready to speed through it. I slammed on my brakes so hard I think I gave myself whiplash. I wonder how many years that scare took of my life.

Let's see what else I can fuck up today.

I'm having a hard time with this one.

2005-11-28T17:19:00.000-05:00

Blue eyes - People with blue eyes have the most sex positions and techniques. They're awesome at diversity and trying new things and very rarely will say no to ANY experience.

Brown eyes - People with brown eyes last the longest in bed. They are very satisfying and love to please and can EXCEED your pleasure standards.

Green eyes - People with green eyes have the most passion put into having sex. They don't have sex with strangers and rarely will have a one night stand, therefore they have lasting relationships with great sex.

Hazel eyes - Very mysterious and unpredictable. They're usually into the leather bondage scene and getting into costumes such as maids, nurses, schoolgirls etc. You never know what's coming next with hazel eyes.

Repetition

2005-11-28T12:36:00.000-05:00

I hate Mondays. This one is especially bad.

I need a break.
I need a vacation.
I need a valium before I throttle one of these dumbasses.

My day started great. The main vault wouldn't open. That means that we had no access to cash or any type of bank checks since they are all locked up in there. The customers were being ridiculous.
Dumbfuck customer: You should do something about this. This is irritating.
Me/manager: And what would you suggest I do? I've already called the locksmith. I can't magically open it but you are more than welcome to try if you think you can.

I wanted to tell the fucker that I'll just go out back and shit some money out for him. He's gives me shit and I'll give him a little back.

The locksmith still hasn't arrived. I called at 7:45 am.

Black Friday

2005-11-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

It's Black Friday

To all of you people crazy enough to go to the malls,

Good fucking luck! I'll be shopping from my computer. The shipping charges are well worth my sanity.

Office Supply Wednesday

2005-11-23T07:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Office Supply Wednesday! Shanshu came up with this idea. You must post a picture of something on your desk. I don't remember all the rules. You'll need to give him a visit for that.

I have two things to point out besides the fact that my desk is a complete cluster-fuck.

1- The stuffed Toucan bird on my monitor. It showed up about a month ago. I have no idea who put it there but I'm not feeding the bastard.

2- The tree-looking thing on my side desk. I received it two years ago at a birthday party that my friends threw me in a club. It was lost for about a year and a half but miraciously reappeared a few months ago. I have no idea how it made it from the club to the bank.

Saturday sucked

2005-11-22T03:10:00.000-05:00

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.....So did mine. Just once, I would like to accomplish what I set out to do. I have to admit that the weather did have a lot to do with it. We had a downpour Saturday. This hampered my Ft. Liquordale plan. None of us wanted to walk around in the pouring rain looking for clubs. We settled for a place, Beachfront, that was covered and had a few clubs to choose from. They were ummmmmm....... fuck it! They were BORING!!!!

This is the first club that we went to. They had dueling pianos. It was mildly entertaining for about two minutes. Amy, Slutgirl and I got some guy to take our picture. I'm still smiling in the picture so we must have just got there.
We decided that club #1 sucked ass so we moved onto club #2. As we were getting ready to leave, we ran into a co-worker Jo-Jo. What are the chances of that? She was on a hot date. She was also way more trashed than us. We should have stayed at this bar. The bartender was sending us drinks on the dancefloor. Ummmmm... Did I say free drinks?
We moved from club#2 to club #3. Club#3 was at the Hard Rock. It was a new club called Spirits. Amy had to go there because her boyfriend was there. We make it past the front and as we are entering the club the guy was ready to let us in and the chick tells him to make us pay. Pay what? Twenty fucking dollars!!!!! I'm not paying twenty dollars to get in any club unless I plan on seeing some strippers. Amy nixed that idea. I let her have her way because it was her birthday celebration. To make a long story short, we got in and we didn't pay. I have to say that place was not worth twenty dollars. Amy stayed at the bar while Slutgirl and I danced. I'm not sure why she's giving me a What The Fuck look.
This picture is from club#2. I'm calling them club #1 and club#2 because I don't remember their names. Normally I like to put the pictures in order of event but I had to save this little gem for last. I really had no idea what we had caught on film. Jo-Jo was dancing with her date. Slutgirl thought it would be cute to run up behind him and start dancing on him. Jo-Jo didn't mind neither did he. When I first saw the picture I was laughing because it looked like he had a face full of titties. That's not the best part. Look where he has his hands.

Kanye West

Golddigger

I'll bet this song shocked the hell out of everyone.

Ahhhhhhhh..........

2005-11-20T05:23:00.000-05:00

This is a service announcement to all you young bloggers.

Don't drink and blog!

It's almost as bad a drunk calling. That being said, I think I should quit now.

It's stupid. I know.

2005-11-18T19:42:00.000-05:00

I couldn't help myself. Afterall, my name does mean princess.

Your results:
You are Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman		80%
The Flash		75%
Supergirl		70%
Iron Man		70%
Robin		60%
Batman		55%
Hulk		55%
Green Lantern		55%
Spider-Man		45%
Catwoman		40%
Superman		15%

You are a beautiful princess
with great strength of character.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

CheeseTrust Bank

2005-11-18T00:05:00.000-05:00

I'm going to start a series. Okay, not really a series but I have some seriously wicked e-mails going back and forth at the bank. There is a meaning behind the title. That will be explained in another post.

Managers meeting- Our branch manager had been calling way too many meetings. I decided to set up my own meeting. When they recieve this e-mail, they must either accept or decline the meeting. One of them actually did accept it. Also, the names have been changed to protect the innocent....... and me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
-----Original Appointment-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 12:13 PM
To: Mark; Desi; Mary; Terri
Subject: Changes to the team agreement
When: Wednesday, November 09, 2005 12:30 PM-1:30 PM (GMT-05:00) Eastern Time (US & Canada). Where: Cheetah(a local sleezy strip club)

We are going to discuss the dress code. From business attire to go-go shorts. We feel that this attire would bring in a new clientele that would be more profitable to the company and would make the work environment much more enjoyable. We have already decided where the girls will be taking deposits and where withdrawals will be given out.
We are also going to discuss rescheduling the picnic. Since you don't have a pool, we propose a new location. One of the managers here came up with the brilliant idea of having it at Hooters.

The only response I got from the branch manager was him walking out looking at me and saying "I quit!"

Woo Hoo

2005-11-17T14:48:00.000-05:00

Amy, my love

Happy birthday to you!

You live in a zoo!

You look like a monkey!

And you smell like one too!

PS- You will recieve your present Saturday.

Lies Lies Lies

2005-11-16T12:17:00.000-05:00

Sorry but I have to bitch a little. I have a huge fucking pet peeve. I hate being lied to. I know. I know. Everybody does. I don't mean convenience lies, the ones that you to tell rather than give some huge explanation that wouldn't make a difference either way in the end. My problem is that I have a keen bullshit radar. I can usually tell when someone is lying to me. If I know for a fact that someone is lying to me, you're damn right, I'm going to call their ass out. But, if my bullshit radar goes off and I'm not sure about it, I'll just sit back and observe. If it goes off again, their stock just went down 10%.

Examples:
Men- I'll start with the men that are trying to score. They'll tell you anything to get a piece. "I love you. I've never felt like this before." *cough* *Bullshit* *cough* What the fuck is wrong with these guys? Okay, so maybe this works on some women but I'd rather have a guy be honest for once. I would prefer "You know, I really want to fuck you." to all the rest of the bullshit. At least it's honest.

Employees- It's my job at the bank to make sure we are in compliance. Basically, I have to make sure all the shit is done correctly. If it's wrong, it's my ass no matter who screwed up. If they fuck up, I must know immediately in order to correct it. For instance, I get a call from the beneficiary of a deceased accountholder. It seems the account was closed after their death but not by the beneficiary. Here's what went down
Me:"Who closed the account?"
Dumbass employee: "The power of attorney."
Me: "Did you know the accountholder was dead?"
Dumbass employee: "Ummm...."
Me: "Fine! Did you have them sign the affidavit?"
Dumbass employee: "What affidavit?"
Me: "The affidavit that states that the POA has not been revoked and that the person is still alive. You know, the one that will keep your ass from being canned?"
Dumbass Employee- "Oh.... yeah."
Needless to say dumbass employee did not have them sign the affidavit. Why is this important? Because a POA basically dies with the person. You are acting on their behalf. You can't act on the behalf of a dead person. This one was a real fucking sweet mess to clean up.

Friends- Most of my friends know me well enough not to lie to me. But every now and then, one of them will try to pull one over on me. These are usually the little white lies that are told to persuade another into a certain way of thinking. I once had a friend(still do) that didn't want to ride with the group to the club. I know why. She wanted to leave early. She didn't say that though. I heard "I don't think we should ride with Celia. She's had a lot to drink(one drink). Also, I don't like the way she drives. She scare me. You know what I mean? Me and you should ride together." Not only did she want to leave early, she also wanted company along the way. I knew what was going on but I just couldn't play along. Had she asked me honestly, I would have ridden with her. Because she tried to fool me, bitch rode alone.

I am not shy, vulnerable, sensitive, forgetful or, passive. I am stubborn, aggressive and a bitch. Still, I get lied to.

I seem to be on a Default kick recently. So sue me!

Default

Live A Lie

La la la la la

2005-11-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

Sorry, there's nothing here for you. I was busy somewhere else tonight. I'm just dropping a line to let you know that my post is here. It was a group effort.

Weekends

2005-11-14T00:10:00.000-05:00

Has anyone else noticed that the weekends just don't last long enough? I'm starting a petition that we should extend the weekend to at least 4 days.

Here's the new calender week:
Monday=work
Tuesday=work
Wednesday=work
Thursday=work
Friday=work
Saturday=party
KinkySexDay=party *Courtesy of HighMaintenenceHussy*
DBday=party... hey, this was my idea!
Sunday=recovery

I need to restart my brain. I can't get this fucking song out of my head. I guess it's better than having that stupid Fanta jingle in there. I heard it last night and it just stuck there.

Danzig

Mother

Yesterday

2005-11-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

For some unknown reason I volunteered to work yesterday. It was actually Slutgirl's turn but she had things to do. None of the other managers wanted to work two Saturdays in a row. I chose to take Thursday off since we were closed on Friday. This had to be the most interesting Saturday that I have worked yet.

Overall, the day went fairly well. I had a few customers whom I had to talk to because they had their panties in a knot. Most of our customers are elderly. Who am I kidding? They are all fuckin' ancient. This is the reason why when a hot guy does walk into the bank, the phones start buzzing. "Hey DB, check it out 10 o'clock." The temperature suddenly rises and the girls all forget how to do anything. There is one guy in particular that gets all of the girls hot and bothered. Alas, he didn't grace us with his presence yesterday. Okay, okay, okay! I stop talking about the hotties and get on with the events of the day.

It was just about time to lock the bank up. We close at 3pm on Saturdays. I was in the BM's office going over the projects for next week. Guess who I will delegate those to? As we were talking, I heard a screeching sound followed by a loud crash. Then I heard DJ yell "Ooooh shit!"

My BM jumped up and took off towards the front door. I later learned that his wife was waiting outside for him and he thought someone had hit her car. I ran out of the office and saw Vic walking out the front door with our BM trailing behind him.

When I got to the door, I couldn't believe what I saw. Someone had ran over the curb and crashed into the pillar next to our door. They didn't bump it. They fucking nailed it. The car was totaled. People were screaming "Call 911!"

The crashers were old. I mean OLD! At first I thought that they were backing up and had put it in drive instead of reverse. This is a common thing with the elderly down here. The are looking behind them and don't realize that they are going forward until CRASH! This unfortunately was not the case with this couple. Vic happened to at that door because he was locking it so we could close for the day. He was watching these people pull in so he waited because he knew he was going to have to tell them that we were closed.

Here's what they did. They pulled into the parking space and stopped. Next, they just rocket forward and crash into us. If they had picked the next parking place over, they would have ran right through our glass doors and directly over Vic.

Here's what freaks me out. These people are driving on the same roads as me. The old man said that he though that he hit the brake. I don't believe that he was telling the truth. His foot was already on the brake. He stopped before he slammed into us. He had to remove his foot from the brake and place it on the accelerator. He also had to of slammed down on the accelerator hard. I can't describe how bad this car looked. I'm sure it will have a salvage title on it soon. Had they not been wearing their seatbelts, they would have went through the windshield. I'm sure they are feeling it today though.

I would also guess that this guy got his license renewed through the mail. Fuck, I hate Florida!

Is there a pill for this?

2005-11-11T23:04:00.000-05:00

I have an addiction. I have finally come to terms with it....somewhat. I can go for days even weeks without it but then it starts calling me. I'm at my weakest when I am off on weekdays. This week I had two off in a row. My first day, I did great. I kept the temptation at bay. Today, I broke. I couldn't resist. I felt it drawing me in and I was captive. I went into a frenzy. When I finally stopped, I realized the damage that I had done.

No more online shopping for me.... at least for a week or two.
Damn you Victoria's Secret!
Damn you Sephora!

Song of the day:

Staind

Price To Play

Trouble

2005-11-11T03:31:00.000-05:00

Date: November 19, 2005
Plan: Trouble
Reason: It is Amy's birthday on the 17th.

It has become a tradition that we must celebrate each other's birthday's to the fullest extent humanly possible. This of course means a night of drinking and debauchery. I haven't been out since the night before the hurricane. I am in serious need of nighttime recreational activities.

Activities:
Strip Clubs, we plan on visiting both. Each have their own appeal.
Male- The women there go nuts. They're like a pack of dogs in heat. They shove bills down their shirts for the strippers to fish them out with their teeth. Then the women proceed to scream and pant like suddenly their g-spot migrated north between their tits. Also, it's always nice to see some swinging dick.
Female- The men are idiots. They will drop hundreds of dollars to have some chick grind on them for an hour or two. I never cease to get my jollies out of this. Plus, a pack of hot women will attract a lot of attention in a place like this. "Hmmm...Are they lesbians? Are we going to see some action?" Last time I went, I got the best lap dance. She really liked me and I mean really.

Dancing, I'm not sure where we will accomplish this. I assume it will either be the Hard Rock or Ft Lauderdale. As long as it has a stage(or on top of a speaker) I'm happy. Yep, I'm one of those chicks that gets on stage and starts grinding. This ,of course, requires one of my friends to get up there with me. As of yet, none of them have acquired the necessary balls to accomplish this. That's okay because I always find someone willing. It's nice to know the world is full of exhibitionists.

Song of the day: This is also the most wicked video I have ever seen.

Gorrilaz

Feel Good, Inc.

The Price Is Right?

2005-11-10T02:05:00.000-05:00

What would you do for a million dollars? How far would you take it? Inquiring minds want to know.

I got this idea from Insanityinsk. She has some funny, interesting tales. You should go visit her.

Would you fuck a horse?
No.... But does a guy that is hung like a horse count?
Would you let people watch you have sex?
Uhhh...Yeah. Hell, for a million I'd even let them tape it. Vic, get the camera.
Would you have sex with someone of the opposite sex that you normally do? Would you switch teams?
Let's say we're not talking about A. Jolie, whom I would pay a million for. The answer would still be yes.
Would you perform anal sex?
Provided there was plenty of lube....Yes.
Would you participate in fetish activities?
Shit. I'd do that for free.... unless it involves horses.
Would you kill someone?
No...What good would a million do me when I am in jail for the rest of my life?
Would you hurt someone you love?
I would like to say no but in reality that's a lot of fucking money. I'm guessing it wouldn't take a million to be forgiven.
Would you eat shit?
Ummm....If I could get stoned first. Everything tastes good when you are stoned.
Would you alienate yourself from everyone you care about?
No.... They are worth more than that to me.
Would you masturbate in public?
Who says I don't? I would have to say yes. There would be exceptions to this. I couldn't do it in a church unless it's Calzone's and then it would be acceptable.

Song of the day. I have one thing to say. DAMN, I love Chris Cornell.

Audioslave

Show Me How to live

WARNING!! DANGER AHEAD!

2005-11-08T01:26:00.000-05:00

I finally got the pictures back from Halloween Horror Nights. It wasn't quite as eventful as I had hoped but we still had a good time.

This is Slutgirl and me. I had to take a picture next to the warning sign. This was also the one and only ride that I waited in line for, 45 minutes. After that, it was drinking time. Okay, so maybe it was drinking time before but it was really drinking time after.
Joan and I decided that we had enough of the rides. So....we lost Vic and SG, not intentionally, and headed to the bar. SG finally caught up to us there. I think Vic took this pic but I'm not sure. BTW- He won't let me post his pic. Sorry Puzzy.
There is nothing more humbling than posting a fucked up picture of yourself. I have no fucking idea what I was doing. But yeah, I was trashed.
At last, my henna tattoo. It wasn't what I expected. This is a few hours after it was done. It darkened by the next day. It wore off within a week. I'm still debating the real one. I was told today that on the lower back it means that you like to fuck doggy or you're a slut. What's wrong with that?
BTW- I passed out a few minutes after this pic was taken. I woke up exactly the same way.

Home Sweet Home

2005-11-06T02:01:00.000-05:00

I thought I would share a few pictures of what my town looked like. They have cleaned most of this up but there are still streets that are closed.

A big fucking tree took out the power lines and covered the road. Also, I'm not sure what that is in the picture. I'm hoping it's her finger.

This is my friend's boyfriend's apartment complex. I'm sure that shit was fun to clean up.

This is a view of the street that I live on. Yes, there is a sidewalk there.

Ficus trees don't do very well in hurricanes. They are top-heavy and they have shallow roots. FYI- This is not my car. We removed the tree before I thought about taking pictures.

These are my favorite pictures. It is a co-worker's apartment complex. All that shit on the ground was their roof.

Sidenote- I spent 5 hours today fixing my computer. I restored the system which wiped everything out. Then I spent hours loading all my programs back on. I did however lose all of my songs that I had on ITunes. I got my scanner working and I fixed yahoo. WOO-HOO!

I'VE BEEN COCKBLOCKED!

2005-11-05T00:04:00.000-05:00

I have soooo been cockblocked. Technology has been giving me the big "Fuck you!" today.

1- I'll start with last night. I can't get my scanner to work. It will print pictures. It will even scan a picture and print it. It will NOT scan a picture to my PC. I just got the pictures from HHN that I want to post plus a few hurricane pictures that are freaky.

2- We have been blocked from Blogger at my job. How do I know? Halfway through my 11 fucking hour day it told me access denied. Do these fuckers actually think that I am going to actually work all day?

3- I can't get Yahoo Messenger working. I have uninstalled and installed it several times to no avail. I even tried repairing it which only locks my computer up. It only took me two times to figure that shit out.

4- And it just keeps getting better! MSN messenger wouldn't work either. It only took about an hour for me to get that shit up and running. However, I have lost all my contacts.

I realize that cockblock probably isn't the proper term for this but it sure as hell feels like it.

Vic- Use MSN (DB @ my hotmail address)

How it all began

2005-11-04T00:10:00.000-05:00

I met JH in September of 2001. My first impression was that she was a really sweet girl. Didn't seem like the type that really partied...probably still a virgin. This is one of the reasons that I have learned never to trust first impressions. First impressions sure can be deceiving. We started going to local bars and just hanging out. That's when we learned of each other's love of music. JH prefers Rock and Punk. I prefer more of a variety with a tendency towards Hard Rock/Industrial Metal.

Fast forward about 3 years- We start talking about an upcoming concert...Velvet Revolver-JH's favorite. I thought they were good but nothing that's going to get me hot and bothered. We began to make our plans. It seemed simple enough. I was off on the day that the tickets went on sale. It was my job to get the tickets on Ticketmaster/Ticketmasterbator. The tickets went on sale at noon. I sat at my computer at 11:50 ready get my pit tickets. It had already been decided that we had to get in the pit. This was to be my first concert with one of my girls. I wanted to experience as much as I could. Anyways, at noon I began searching for tickets on Ticketmasterbator. For any of you that have ever been on Ticketmasterbator, you know what a drawn out, agonizing process that it is. You have to select the number of tickets then the seating preference. After that is completed, you must type in the idiotic word that appears and wait for them to find the tickets. The best seats that I could find were about 12 rows back. This went on for about 4 hours. The seats kept getting worse. Finally, I decided to take another route before I had a nervous breakdown. I began checking various ticket broker sites. The prices were ridiculous. They wanted $350.00 per ticket. If I am going to get screwed that good, I at least expect a phone call afterwards. My last option was E-bay. After being outbid twice, I took the purchase now option. After all was said and done, I shelled out $248.00 for 2 tickets that were originally $80.00 each. Although I didn't receive a call afterwards, at least I got good feedback. I guess you can't win them all.

Day of concert- To say that I was amped would have been an understatement. Our plan was to get there about an hour before the concert was to start. That would give us time to get a few beers and find a good place in the pit. Things never go according to plan. After starting out 15 minutes late, we began the hour drive to the venue. That's when the downpour began. Karma was not in our favor during the drive. We finally made it to the concert about 30 minutes before it started. This was after about 3 u-turns because we couldn't find the regular parking. All we could find was the Premier Parking for $20.00 and VIP Parking which wasn't even obtainable. So we shelled out another $20.00 for the Premier Parking, which came in handy later. It was still pouring while we ran inside. I shouldn't say inside because this was an outdoor venue. The only thing covered is the stage and seats. We looked like drowned rats by the time we made it past the gate. The first stop was to get beer then we could get under cover. By the time we got in the pit, the front was already taken. We scoped out the scene trying to figure out the best place to squeeze our way up front. We finally decided on a location that seemed to be filled with mostly younger men. We would just flirt our way up front. Yes, women are very conniving. It's amazing how slow times goes when you are waiting for something. I believe I drank 3 beers in a matter of 30 minutes waiting for the concert to begin. I was unsuccessful in talking the security guard into getting our beers for us. He said he would but when it came down to it he didn't go. Damn these men that take their jobs seriously. After beer #3, the biker came up to us. JH believes he was a warlock. A huge lightbulb went off in my head. He can get us up front. I know..conniving. So, we began to talk to the biker. He actually turned out to be the coolest person that we met that night. He cleared a place for us to dance. He kept shoving all the guys around us saying "Look, look, let them dance. Give them room!" He gave us a card that read WARLOCKS Motorcycle Club- Fight, Fuck & Ride Motorcycles. Love the card, still have it. After the opening band(a local no-name) started, he went with JH to get another beer. He was our guarantee that she would get back up front with me...conniving. All went well until they were on their way back. Biker got into a fight with some other guy. Needless to say we lost him. There goes our protection. That's when we found our next targets. Dan and Mike. They were standing directly in front of us. Ahh..ha, they would let us in front of them, then we would be directly in front of the stage...conniving. It was going pretty good so far.Things started to get a little wild from this point on. I was starting to feel the effects of drinking 3/4 beers too fast. I have a 4 drink maximum. After that, I will be hugging the porcelain god. Hoobastank, the supporting act, came on second. The pit suddenly became a lot smaller. I had worked my way in front of Mike with JH by my side. We were pretty much lusting after the lead guitar player. The best part was that he was checking us out too. This might have been because we were the only females in the pit that didn't look like bulldogs, but I'll take it as a compliment either way. During Hoobastank's set, our time was divided between messing with Dan and Mike, eyeing the guitar player, dancing/grinding on each other and flirting with the security guard...I still wanted him to go get us beers.

When the shit hit the fan-Supporting act leaves and Velvet Revolver comes on. Suddenly the pit went apeshit. I grabbed a hold of Dan and held on for dear life. Being the only females in the pit suddenly became a drawback. Things didn't calm down until they were into their 3rd or 4th song. By this time, I was officially drunk, which is why JH gave the the name Drunk Bitch. When I am drunk, my mind can't keep up with my mouth. All those rude things that I normally wouldn't say come spilling out like a fountain. I have always been straightforward but I know how to edit myself. Alcohol takes away my internal edit button. Enough about my self-proclaimed perverted bitchiness. JH and I were dancing/grinding and basically putting on a better show than what was on stage. That's when I heard some guy behind me saying something in Spanish that I thought was puta, which means slut. I knew he wasn't talking to us but I had to turn around and ask "Did you just say puta?" The guy started laughing and said "I would never say that in front of such a beautiful woman" Like I'm supposed to fall for bullshit like that. The only reason I talked to him was because I thought that I recognized one of the few Spanish words that I know. We began to go over my small knowledge of Spanish obscenities. I was actually worried about my top being pulled down because I wore a tube top. Little did I know that my ass would be the target that night. I turned around because I was done talking to puta-boy. I never did catch his name. I proceed to start dancing again. Isn't that what you are supposed to do at a concert? Suddenly, I notice that someone's groping my ass. At first, I think that it is JH putting on a show for our audience. When I finally turn around, it's not JH with a handful of ass but puta-boy. I said "Okay, you've had enough of my ass. Leave it alone." That's when he started on JH. He started dancing behind her. I can only assume that he was grabbing her ass as well because the next thing she knew her belt was being undone. I'm sure you're wondering how this could happen and us not notice these things. While all of this was going on we were still being pushed and shoved in different directions. In the pit there is no such thing as personal space. I'm not sure how she got rid of puta-boy, but he was finally gone. I began to dance with JH again, I thought. I felt her hands around my waist. Suddenly, the hands start going up my stomach and down my legs. I look down and see some really big hands, not JH. I think it was Mike but to be honest I can't say for sure. It stopped when I turned around. Yes, we still had Mike and Dan there to protect us. The crowd started getting wilder again. I got hit in the head a few times by body-surfers. This has to be the dumbest move you can make at a concert. You get floated around on top of the crowd hoping to make it over the gate. If you happen to make it there your ass is gone. Security will grab you as soon as you're within reach and promptly kick you out. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.00 you fucking idiot. I was having a great time until some asswipe decided to rush the stage with his arms swinging wildly. I ,of course, got elbowed in the eye. That shit HURT! I turned around and started screaming at asswipe "What the fuck is your problem? You just hit me in the eye." He just stopped and looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. I was ready to fight. I was going to fight. If he had said sorry I would have calmed down but instead he just kept that blank expression on his face. That's when Mike grabbed him and shoved him back. This ,of course, led to punches swinging. Woo-hoo! That's fight #2 we started. I felt like such a bad girl then. JH asked me what the hell was wrong with me for trying to take on a 6ft tall guy. Don't know. At that moment, it really needed to be done. I wasn't worried about the consequences then...isn't it amazing how alcohol can make you feel like your 10ft tall and bulletproof. For someone that's 5'4 118lbs that's quite an accomplishment. I believe that I made it out of the pit without being fondled or hit after that. I'm not sure about the fondled but I know that I didn't get hit anymore.

In the end- After the last song, we said our goodbyes and thanks to Dan and Mike. You didn't think that we were going to go home with them, did you? As if! On our way out, we meet Jam. No joke this is a real name. I had to ask him a few times because I couldn't get over it. I wonder if any siblings are named Jelly . Truthfully, I don't remember how we met him. JH said he started talking to me as we walking out towards the vending area. My first memory of him was when JH and I were at the booth to buy t-shirts. I felt someone groping my ass again. Jam! I don't recall having any type of conversation with him before he felt the need to check out the goods. Thankfully it was only one grope. He stopped when told to. JH and I became enthralled with a conversation with the girl selling t-shirts. She looked exactly like Katie Holmes. She said that she hears that all the time and hates it because Katie has herpes. She didn't like being compared to a girl with herpes. Who would? This of course was news to me. Watch out Tom. Maybe your Scientology can cure her without any medication. EEEWW! We ended up buying two shirts at $40.00 each. It is a must to buy a shirt at each concert as a memento. I had my own little memento on my eye which didn't turn it's pretty bluish-purple until the next morning. We finally made our way to the car with Jam following close behind. This is where the Premier Parking came in handy. It was actually pretty close which was a good thing because I was plastered by then. Jam kept asking for our phone number which we never gave. When we got to the car, we asked him to take our picture. It turned out pretty good considering what we had been through. I look pretty sober and JH looks drunk. He finally left saying he would call us. Obviously, he was just as drunk as me because he still had not gotten our number. Yeah buddy, you call me at 1-800-DUMBASS! We were finally ready to go home. The drive home went fairly well until I decided to light up a cigarette. Within 5 seconds I said "Pull over!" JH pulled over for me and opened the door....Ralph. We were on a busy highway and I'm hanging out the car like an idiot. I felt like a teenager that has no business drinking. That night and the next morning wasn't any better. I had a hangover for most of the next day.

Was it all worth it? The total cost was around $400.00 including the beers at $7.00 a pop. I had the hangover of my life and a blackeye. After all that, how could we want to go back? How could we not? I'm not saying it's better than sex but it's damn close. We had tickets for every rock concert that came within driving distance afterwards. It became an addiction. There's nothing that beats the euphoria of it.There you have it. How it all began. I'm sure it wasn't as entertaining for you as it was for me. I'll guarantee that I left things out but part of the night was a blur. This was the story of how a rockwhore is made.

Why I didn't go to sleep until 2am

2005-11-02T01:59:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get caught up in a conversation that lasts way too long?

This part was regarding where I should get a tattoo.

drunkbh: small of the back?
wichi_d2: It looks like you want to be fucked doggie and place your shot in the middle
drunkbh: And that's a bad thing?
wichi_d2: dependin on who yeah

Talking about what to get a friend for her birthday. I'm not sure how the conversation evolved to this.

wichi_d2: give her a hug and five pounds of meat... NO pun intended
drunkbh: 5 lbs
drunkbh: uh huh?
wichi_d2: ... you know how heavy is five pounds for it to be a part of male genetelia?
drunkbh: I'm guessing way way toooooooo big
wichi_d2: it would hurt carrying it around
wichi_d2: and at 5 pounds, Im guessing its not very stable
wichi_d2: nor able to get very ah solid
wichi_d2: just imagine all the blood that has go there, the guy might die
drunkbh: he would pass out
drunkbh: no blood in his head
drunkbh: the one above his neck

Conversation regarding therapy for premature ejaculation

wichi_d2: do we take tickets or make an appoinment how does it work?
drunkbh: try an appointment
drunkbh: I'm taking appointments now
wichi_d2: can I have the sunday at 9 o'clock?
drunkbh: ummm
drunkbh: ley me check my calender
drunkbh: how about 10:30
wichi_d2: nah it wont leave enough time for the football game
drunkbh: your loss
wichi_d2: how bout quickies during commercials

The best part of the conversation

wichi_d2: the other day on the radio this guy called in
wichi_d2: he said that hes got a problem
wichi_d2: that when he have sex with his gf, he would suck on her toes and get off on it.
wichi_d2: however heres the kicker
wichi_d2: while sucking on her toes, he fantasizes about a male penis!
drunkbh: small penis at that, huh?
wichi_d2: the thing is the gf is listening to the show and recognizes his voice
wichi_d2: calls in the station and they start fighting over the phone
wichi_d2: she says on top of having a small dick you're gay?
drunkbh: I just spit pepsi everywhere

I heard this on the radio today and laughed my ass off. It's a parody about S Florida.

Welcome To The Tropics.

Fuck Me!

2005-11-02T00:00:00.000-05:00

Catchy isn't it? Seriously, that seems to be one of my favorite sayings for some reasons. I use it as an expression of surprise. I've started noticing that when I say it to men they only hear those two words. They don't hear what I say prior to those two words or after them.
Example of a real conversation on the phone today:
Me: Fuck me! I can't believe that happened.
Him: Huh?
Me: Didn't you hear me?
Him: All I remember is fuck me.
Me: I said Fuck me. I can't believe that happened.
Him: I'm sorry but all I hear is fuck me. DB, when you say that, all a guy hears is fuck me.

Also, I'm changing my picture. You can thank Puzzy for this one. When I saw it, it reminded me of myself. I guess it's the hair.

Wake me up please!

2005-11-01T12:00:00.000-05:00

I seem to be having the same dreams over and over again. There are slight variations from dream to dream but overall it's the same scenarios. I wish my imagination was as good when I'm asleep as it is when I'm awake.

Dream #1- I keep dreaming that I am losing my teeth. I know it sounds strange but in my dreams it's really disturbing. They just start falling out one by one. Some of them just break apart while others come out whole. The entire time I am walking around with my hand over my mouth so that no more will fall out. In the end, I look like the toothless wonder(that's a nice visual). This has been the most common dream recently. I'm not sure what it means. I'm not going to look it up because it's probably going to tell me that I'm vain.

Dream #2- I'm climbing a mountain. I've been mountain climbing several times so it's not like "Oh shit! What do I do now?" The only problem is that I'm doing it with no gear. I've fallen several times in my dreams but have always come out unscathed. Maybe that is why this dream doesn't scare me. I'm always climbing to get to someplace important. I have yet to make it to the final destination. Maybe that's why I keep having this dream.

Dream #3- I'm going to call this one a nightmare. I dream that I am back together with my ex. In my dream I'm always like "How the fuck did I get back in this situation?" It's always the same ex. To say that I hate his guts would be an understatement. I hope the fucking pig rots in hell. I've had this dream/nightmare a lot.

There you have it. In my dreams, I am a toothless wonder that can't get anywhere and keeps getting stuck with a cocksmoker. Those have been the most recent dreams that keep happening. It's strange that I don't dream about sex more often. Then again, when I do dream about sex I always wake up before I'm finished if you know what I mean. Damnit!

I have been playing the hell out of the song of the day for the past week.

Default

Taking My Life Away

Sidenote: The vacation is over. I now have to drive to another branch until ours gets electricity. I will be looking at about an hour drive every morning. That sucks cock considering my drive was 5 minutes.

Move over Siskell & Ebert

2005-10-31T01:06:00.001-05:00

I had absolutely nothing better to do today than rate movies. These are only my personal opinions. In my world they are the law. Unfortunately, they don't seem to matter as much in the real world. So, I might as well get on with the law...ummm, I mean my opinions.

Best Movie Based On A Book
I have to give this to The Lord Of The Rings. I realize that the movies did leave out a lot of the books. However, they would of had to make at least three more movies in order to cover the entire series. I have to give the Harry Potter series their props as well. They are more like the books than the Rings trilogy but they are just lacking that extra something that makes the difference between good and great.

Worst Movie Based On A Book
It by Stephen King wins this one. The movie was loosely based ,at best, on the book. I can't even begin to describe how bad this movie sucked. Even if I had never read the book ,which can make you biased, I still would have thought that it sucked.

Worst Sequel
Highlander:The Quickening. I have a brilliant idea. Let's take a cult classic and completely go against the entire basis of the movie. They took the lead character from being a human who learned he was immortal in the first movie to being an alien that was vanquished to Earth in the sequel. They should have left the original alone. Then again, I don't like sequels. After all, "There can be only one"

The Movie I thought I Would Hate But Didn't
I almost ashamed to admit this one. I loved Jackass. When I saw the previews, I swore it looked like the most idiotic movie. When I finally saw it, I laughed my ass off. There are a few skits that are stupid but overall it was hilarious. Give a bunch of immature men the means to do whatever they want and this is what you get. Also, Johnny Knoxville is from Knoxville, TN. Right next to my hometown. I had to throw that in.

Best Overall Movie
Legends of the Fall. This movie has everything... war, sex, romance, friendships, family bonds and Adian Quinn. I'll bet you thought I was going to sat Brad Pitt. Nope, I've had a thing for Mr. Quinn since he was in Reckless. Plus, he has the best scene in the movie when he shoots the sheriff and then cocks the gun.

The Learning Curve

2005-10-29T04:00:00.000-04:00

I've learned a few things this past week. Some of the things are about myself and others are about the people around me.

1- Disasters can bring out the best in people. I've lived here 4 years and have barely talked to any of my neighbors. Monday morning I looked outside and saw my car buried under a tree. When I looked outside after the storm had passed, my neighbors were outside with a chainsaw cutting away at the tree. It took 4 men about an hour to get it all cleared away. They've started having a communial barbeque every night so that people would have a hot meal. I know most of their names now but I'm still not sure which child belongs to who.

2- Gas is harder to get than heroine..... Not that I would know how to get heroine. There are only two gas stations working in my town and they each have a line about a mile long from 6am until 10pm even though we still have a curfew. This brings me to another point. Disasters can also bring out the worst in people. I've seen fights in the the line. I almost saw a riot last night when the police told people to go home. They were pushing the cop back and yelling at her until more cops came. I guess I would be pissed to if I had waited hours only to be told to go away. I live across the street from the gas station. I have yet to have to attempt to get gas. Yes, my car is still drivable.

3- I fucking miss milk. No one has any perishable items. I can make coffee but I have no creamer or milk. I could brave a 4 hour wait at the store to get some evaporated milk but I just don't have the patience. I have a deal with the neighbors that whomever finds milk will buy several gallons so everyone doesn't have to search for it.

4- I loved what it looked like outside when there was no electricity. When I walked outside it was soooooo dark. The only light was from the stars. Some people might find this creepy but I loved it. It reminded me of my grandmothers house in Tennessee. There were no streetlights to light the way. You could just see the outline of the trees against the sky. I walked outside just to observe..... no streetlights, no traffic. All I heard was the wind in the trees. All of this brought me solace for some reason. I love the dark.

5- I am lucky. I've talked to a few of my friends. Some of them no longer have a house. Some of them still have a house but it's uninhabitable now. One of them has her husband stuck at an airport and she doesn't have the gas to make it down there to get him. One of them lost their business. The entire building was destroyed. They still have a house but now they can't pay for it with no income. I got a dent in the roof of my car.... I am lucky.

I should never be left alone in the dark

2005-10-28T11:35:00.000-04:00

There was a few electrical problems last night. It gave me a chance to think inward. Okay, not really. I just pondered stupid shit as usual. For instance: Does anybody remember all the stupid shit your parents told you as a child that you actually believed? What if they were all true?

Step on a crack, break you mother's back. I can attest that this is absolutely false. After many attempts, my mother was still walking around fine. If it was true, imagine how fast repairs would be done. You wouldn't be calling the city for months asking them to make the necessary repairs. Somebody's wife would be saying "Get your ass out there now and fix that shit."
Canker sores are actually lie bumps. You get them by telling a lie. Yep, this was one that I heard when I was a child. If I ever got one, NOBODY knew about it. If this was true, I would be up shit creek without a paddle. I have enough trouble lying as it is. Anbesol and Orajel would no longer be kept with the mouth products. It would now be in the "You've been a bad boy/girl section. You know the one. It's the same place they keep the shampoos for crabs.
If you keep making that face it will stay like that. This is my favorite one. Guess what was the first thing that popped into my head? What if you were giving a blowjob and the guy had Jedi mind control over his penis? He's not cumming and your face is staying like that forever. What kind of life would you have after that? Then again, you might get a lot more dates. After all, they would know you blow.
Santa Clause only brings toys to the good little boys and girls. I was bad bad bad and I still got presents. Let's just say that Santa was real and that only good boys and girls got presents. This would be condemning all the good boys and girls to get the shit beat out of them every Christmas. All the rest of us would beat them up and steal all their presents. They're not going to do anything. They're good. Damn, I like being bad.

There you have it. I thought of more but I've slept since then so only a little nugget remained. I really must make better use of my time.

Song of the day. Yep, I'm back to that. Who remembers Eddie & the Cruisers? Guess what. Eddie wasn't singing. It was John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band. This song was a bitch to find. Plus, for some reason it's showing some Stargate clips instead of a video. It's the best I could find.

On The Darkside

Now, back to your regularly scheduled program.

2005-10-27T20:45:00.000-04:00

Pay Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons:

1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I don't get paid overtime.
7. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
8. I work in high temperatures, and my work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

1. You cannot work 8 hours straight.
2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative- - - you need to be pressured and
stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift..
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire well before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

FUCK WILMA!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-26T18:58:00.000-04:00

Fuck Wilma and fuck FEMA.

When I said that I was freaked out Monday, I lied. I was fucking scared. My bed had started shaking from the winds. I could see entire trees flying down the streets. I spoke too soon when I said that a tree missed my car. Tree # 1 missed my car. Tree #2 missed my car. Tree #3 centered my car. Of course this was the biggest tree. Let's not forget that tree #4 took the corner off my house.

No electricity, no water and Nextel was out. I just got electricity. Cold showers suck ass! I guess the water wasn't such a big deal since we were not allowed to drink or bathe in it anyway.

FEMA are fucking idiots! They ship all the ice and water down to Miami where it is not needed. Their water is still drinkable. Broward county got hit the hardest of anywhere in the state. Guess where I live. They promised us ice and water yesterday at certain locations starting at noon. They never showed up! The trucks were stuck in Marathon waiting to be feuled. Guess what dumbasses? Why not try to get the supplies to the hardest hit areas first. Broward county has just now been approved for assistance from FEMA. Imagine all the people that waited outside for 7 hours for ice and water only to be told that it wouldn't be coming. These people were waiting in their cars while their gas was running out. Did I tell you that there is not a single gas station in the county working? No electricity= no gas.

Here's what happened:
Wilma hit the west side of Florida at a category 3. She slowed down to a category 2 while moving over the Everglades. Then, she started to intensify back to a category 3 as she passed Broward. It seems that hurricanes are more destructive as they are intensifying. Add that to the fact that the eye passed directy over us. My town is fucked. It really is sad to go out and look at all the destruction everywhere. Half the buildings here are gone. There are barely any trees left standing. There's not a single traffic light still hanging.

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

2005-10-24T01:23:00.000-04:00

THE GOOD
Wilma is coming.
The bank is closed Monday.
I am off Tuesday.

THE BAD
Wilma is coming.
She is now a category 3.
She will probably pick up speed as she passes the Everglades.

THE UGLY
Wilma is coming.
I have tickets to Nine Inch Nails tomorrow night.
The show is postponed.
Fuck Wilma.

Bitching and a promise

2005-10-21T12:37:00.000-04:00

I have to bitch a little bit. I've been complaining about this for a week now so why not put it on my blog? I hate public restrooms. I mean I really fucking hate them. I was in restroom hell the entire trip down to Orlando and back.
Reasons

They are disgusting.... Piss and shit everywhere. No one washes their hands. Eeewwwww!
Toilets that flush automatically. You walk in and start to squat(no sitting on those nasty bitches) and the fucker flushes. After you're done you stand up and it doesn't flush. You wave your hand in front of it and it still doesn't flush. You pretend to sit down and stand up about twenty times and it still doesn't flush. Finally, you must touch the little button in order to flush it. They place this button on the back of the toilet directly in the middle.... Impossible to flush with your foot therefore breaking rule #1 of public restrooms (don't touch anything).
Automatic sinks. These are almost as bad as automatic toilets. You put your hands under about 10 different faucets before one actually works. Then ,as you are lathering, the fucking water stops. You wave you hand up and down in front of the sensor to no avail. So, you must search again for a faucet that works. When you find one that works, you must hold your hands just so otherwise it will cut off again.
I do have one good thing to say about public restrooms.... Automatic paper towel dispensers. I haven't had one malfunction yet and I don't have to touch anything. Hell yeah!

On to my promise. I promised someone today that I would do an audiopost. After two tries, it finally worked. For some reason, it posted below this one. Fuck it. At least it worked.

2005-10-21T01:12:00.000-04:00

I got nothing

2005-10-20T01:58:00.000-04:00

I have nothing interesting today. Due to that fact, I'll share an e-mail that was passed between Terri and I today. (Are you happy I spelled your name right bitch?)

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 3:47 PM
To: Terri

SLUT!!!!!
I mean that in the most respectful manner. :>)

-----Original Message-----
From: Terri
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 3:51 PM
To: Me

You must be lonely back there without your partner in crime to smoke with:-)
TOO BAD she is off today. Go smoke by your self and leave me the hell alone--------
Your just jealous anyways. God did not make you as beautiful as me:-):-):-):-)
Life sucks huh--go commit suicide and again--Leave me the HELL alone

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 3:52 PM
To: Terri

Can you please share some of the crack-rock that you've been smoking today? I want to be as delusional as you are.
Oh.... Again, SLUT

---Original Message-----
From: Terri
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 3:55 PM
To: Me

It not nice to talk about your mother that way. You know she actually had to get f**k to have you. Plus, when you came out, she had to go get drunk due to the fact you are deformed.
:-)

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 3:59 PM
To: Terri

Should I correct all the grammatical mistakes? Nah! You're a redneck slut. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Oh, I'm glad you finally learned about the birds and the bees. Yes, you do have to be fucked in order to get pregnant. I know where you are from it is acceptable to substitute a cow for a man but around here we don't do those things. So please, clean the cow cum off your chin.
Love ya.... You slut!
*At this point, she turned red, looked up at me smiling from across the branch and wiped her chin off*

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 4:25 PM
To: Terri

Scared now?

-----Original Message-----
From: Terri
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 4:41 PM
To: Me

No, unlike you, I have to take care of customer issues (I am a REAL manager). I don't just act like one on TV.....Like you dooooooooooooo

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 4:43 PM
To: Terri

TV huh? When do I get paid for this shit then? I thought you knew it was my job to sit here and look pretty all day. By the way, my desk is the only one that does not have a camera on it.

And, of all people, you should not refer to yourself as REAL.

SLUT!

-----Original Message-----
From: Terri
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 4:47 PM
To: Me

You are lucky I don't come back there and kick you AXX since I would not be caught on camera..........

Is that why you are on your knees all the time...Mark can't see you on the camera in his room

-----Original Message-----
From: Me
Sent: Wednesday, October 19, 2005 4:48 PM
To: Terri

I'm on my knees all the time because I'm good at it, unlike you. Maybe Mark put me back here for that reason. Did you ever think of that?

As you can see, we had a real productive day at work.

The Guide

2005-10-18T00:42:00.000-04:00

Always remember to make a woman happy.
-Do something she likes, and you get points.
- Do something she dislikes and you lose points.
- You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
(Hey, it's her game... You might as well learn how to play, right?)

First, the SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed............................ +1
You make the bad, but forget to add decorative pillows......-1
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.......... -2
You leave the toilet seat up................ -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty........ +5
When toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex....... -1
When the Kleenes runs out you use the other bathroom....... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings...... +5
in the rain..........+8
but return with beer............ -1
and no pads............. -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night........... +1
You check out a suspicious and it is nothing........ nada
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.... +5
You pummel it with a six iron....... +10
It's her cat........ -40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.............. nada
You stay by her side for a while, then leave with a drinking buddy.... -2
Named Tiffany....... -20
Tiffany is a dancer.......... -50
With breast implants...... -100

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday............ +1
You buy her a card and flowers........... +2
You take her out to dinner......... +5
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar........ +6
Okay, it is a sports bar........... -20
And it's all-you-can-eat night........ -30
It's a sports bar, it's all you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team....... -40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal........ nada
The pal is happily married............ +1
The pal is single............. -10
He drives a Ferrari.......... -20
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie........ +2
You take her to a movie she likes......... +5
You take her to a movie you hate............ +8
You take her to a movie you like....... -5
it's called Death Cop III......... -10
it features Cyborgs that eat humans............ -15
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........... -20

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticable pot belly........ -15
You develop a noticble pot belly & exercise to get rid of it........ +10
You develop a noticable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts......... -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."............ -1000

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding............. -10
You reply, "Where?"............... -35
You reply, "No, honey, I think it's your butt."........ GAME OVER!!!

This was a e-mail that I found today. It was amusing enough to share.

The Birds & the Bees & 28 STDs

2005-10-17T07:39:00.000-04:00

I am on the recovery. HHN was ummm...... interesting. Does anyone know the meaning of cluster-fuck? They had big guys running around with chainsaws cranking those bitches at everyone. There were people in masks jumping out and scaring everyone. I couldn't help but laugh when they tried to scare me. I got over my fear of ghosts and goblins a long time ago....except for the monster under the bed. Basically, HHN is a big park filled over capacity with half of the people shit-faced drunk. I won't go into details about everything that happened but I'll give a few highlights.

We accomplished all of our goals.
I got a henna tattoo on my stomach. It's confirmed. A real one shall follow soon. I love it!
I spent 2 hours last night getting the tangles out of my hair from the night before.
The rides are much better at night especially when you are drunk.
I learned an entire new meaning for the term "Sit & spin."
Bob Evans sucks ass!
I can fall asleep mid-conversation.
It is possible to drink for 12 hours straight and not vomit. I'm not sure how we did it.
My friends seem to think that it's odd that I bring my own soap & shampoo to a hotel. I'm not using the shit they provide.
I fullfilled my obligation on the challenge. We just have to see if the pics turn out.

Here's a little story that happened this weekend.

Fourth Date

Gas money to Orlando= $30.00
2 tickets to HHN= $120.00
Hotel room= $60.00
Diner= $120.00
Wine= $50.00
Spending $380.00 on the 4th date & not getting any pussy= Priceless

If you're wondering what the title means, it was a billboard that I was on the way home. It amused the hell out of me.

FYI- The Cowboys beat the Giants last night. The Bucs beat the shit out of the Dolphins. Today is gonna be a fun day at work.

Song of the day

Trapt

Headstrong

Halloween Horror Nights

2005-10-15T03:51:00.000-04:00

I will be taking my leave in exactly six hours. We're off to Orlando for Halloween Horror Nights.
Roll call
Me
Victor
Joan
Amy
Terry
DJ- He's going with other friends and renting a house.
This is just the people that work at the bank. There will be several others as well. I'm sharing a room with Joanie. I hope the hotel isn't a dump. I won't mention who Victor is sharing a room with. *Cough* *Cough* *Amy* This ,my friend, is how rumors get started.

There are no specific plans for the night. We will drink. We will ride a few rides. We will drink. We will go to the clubs at Citywalk. We will drink.

Gameplan
Get trashed
Stay out of jail
Do not wake up hugging the porcelain god

On another note, I am wide awake at 4am. This would be because I didn't go to sleep lastnight until 5am. I got a little distracted. That would have been fine if I didn't have to be at work today at 7am. I don't function well on 2 hours of sleep. I'm surprised I made it through the day. I managed to make it home, eat and fall asleep. I woke up a little while ago and I still haven't managed to pack anything. I guess I will pack and then go back to bed. I can't stay up for 6 hours amusing myself. Well, I can but......

Fuck....I just realized that I hadn't used any profanity yet. That can not be tolerated.

Due to upcumming events, I decided to crank it up a bit. You gotta love a song that starts out with "Can you feel that? Aaahhhhh shit!"

Disturbed

Down With The Sickness

How many licks does it take??????

2005-10-14T12:58:00.000-04:00

Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Hmmm....Lets's see

One......

Two......

Three......

Four......

Crunch!.....I guess the world will never know.

You're about to find out (at least my version). How many licks does it take? I guess that would depend on who's doing it and how well they do it.

THE Y

Guys, if you want to get to the center of her tootsie pop, you have to know how to work it. It's not a race. There's not a prize for who finishes first. Slow it down.

Take your time.

Touch it.

Taste it.

Start on the outside and work your way in. Use you hands...your fingers...your tongue. If she wants, use your teeth...light nibbling. Tease her. Make her want more. Go around the clit, grazing it occasionally. Pay attention to her breathing. Deep breaths means she's enjoying it. Short, shallow breaths usually means she's cumming.

Some women like it gentle. Some like it rough. Some like it gentle at first and then rough. If she's not willing or able to tell you what she likes then you'll have to figure it out. If she grabs your hair and pulls you into her, chances are that you're doing it correctly.

If you can't do it right, please just skip this step and move on. There's nothing worse than a guy that doesn't know how to eat out.

On to other things. I have been challenged. I took the challenge before I got all the details. So, currently, I am working out the details with him. Pictures should follow. Yes, the challenge involved posting pictures.

BIG NEWS

It's big new to me anyway. Will made me Friday's WOW girl at The Trailer Of Love. Go check it out. NOW!

Guilty pleasure of the day:

Lifehouse

Somewhere In Between

Hell Yeah

2005-10-13T17:01:00.000-04:00

For those of you that don't know, most banks work on a fiscal year from October to October. This happens to be the time of year that annual reviews must be done and submitted for approval. The fucking reviews are 10 pages long. I had more reviews to do than anyone and less time because I was away for a week. This would explain my pissed off attitude for the week.

Well, I'm done. Can I get a HELL FUCKIN' YEAH?????? Damn, I feel good now!

There will be a real post tonight, I promise. No teasing! Really!

Countdown: 1 workday and 3 hrs driving...no speeding Vic!

I'm bored!

2005-10-12T13:57:00.000-04:00

I have sunk to entirely new levels. I am now posting from work only to say that I am bored. I have begun harassing the employees to amuse myself. It takes me to my happy place. The AC is broke so we are roasting our asses off. They can't fix it. A new unit has been ordered. I don't give a fuck if it is October. We're in Florida. HOTTTTTTTT

Oh...sex post tonight! Already got it planned. I'm pitiful.

Update

2005-10-11T14:26:00.000-04:00

Why am I posting mid-day? Hmmmm... Because it sucks mad fucking cock! I'm moving! I fucking hate Florida. I'm not going back to inbredville either.

Patience= 0%
Calmness= 0%
Irrititation= 90%
Pissed Off= 100%

Fuck me! I need a fucking change!

Fuel

2005-10-11T01:04:00.000-04:00

I am just too damn lazy to write anything. It's strictly music today. Good band. Good song. Good lyrics.

Fuel
Falls On Me

I've seen you hangin' round
This darkness where I'm bound
And this black hole I've dug for me
And silenty within
With hands touching skin
The shock breaks my disease
and I can breathe
And all of your weight
And all you dream
falls on me, it falls on me.
And your beautiful sky
the light you bring
falls on me, it falls on me.
Your faith like the pain
Draws me in again
She washes all my wounds for me
The darkness in my veins
I never could explain
And I wonder if you ever see
Will you still believe?
(chorus)
Am I that strong
to carry on
I might change your life
I might save my world
could you save me?
(Chorus x2)

So, I do have something else for you. Same band but kinda scary. I kept looking for track marks on his arms. Doesn't even look like the same person.

Hemorrhage

Tagged again!

2005-10-09T13:43:00.000-04:00

I've been tagged by my twin separated at birth, Nameless. If I dream about her ass, is that incest?
I wish I got tagged this much in real life.
10 Things I wish would come back.

1- Keith
2- Screaming orgasms, not the drink
3- My ability to play pool. I used to be able to kick anyone's ass. Now, I'm ashamed to pick up a stick.
4- Caramel Corn. Not the shit you buy at the store either. The kind that you would buy at the candystore as a child. You could smell it a few blocks down the road....Almost as good as #2.
5- My patience. I'm not sure if I ever had any but I think that at one point in my life I must have.
6- My ability to wear stillettos for any extended period of time. I broke my foot 2 years ago and I can only wear them for a few hours. Hey, I'm short damnit. I need the extra height.
7- S'mores. The real ones. They can only be done over a campfire. I'm sure somewhere there are people still doing this. You try standing next to a campfire in Florida. I'd be cooked before the fucking marshmallow.
8- Hospitality. Please, thank you, you're welcome...Where the fuck did these go? I grew up in the hospitality business. Yes, I can carry on a perfectly normal, polite conversation and you wouldn't have a clue that I'm a closet freak.
9- Sleepless nights...I'll let you come to your own conclusion on that one.
10- Age 25.

Being in Tennessee for a week made me realize one thing. The music there sucks ass. If you don't like country, you're fucked! I did find a classic rock station which got me by for a week along with my ipod. This brings me to the song of the day, which is also the first concert I ever went to. It wasn't that long ago. I'm still 25 damnit!

Bad Company

'How About That'

I'm still here

2005-10-06T12:53:00.000-04:00

Don't expect too much from me on this post. I have one of the worst hangovers I've ever had. Lastnight, I went to a local bar to hear a band that I've known since I was a teen. They played pretty damn good. The chicks in the bar were giving me dirty looks. I dress like a Floridian now not a hick Tennesseean. I would just look them straight in the eye and mouth "What bitch?" Alcohol makes me aggressive...a little too much. The bars close at midnight here. That has to be the biggest crock of shit! Midnight! Fucking idiots! Anyways, the band invited us back to their place afterwards to listen to them play more. Of course, I went. I'm not going to go home buzzed and watch TV the rest of the night. I had already downed 6 Coronas. So, we went to their house and listened to them play for a few hours. I had 2 more beers there. I was doing fine until I smoked. Yep, I said it! I smoked Mary Jane, Ganja, the herbal remedy. Suddenly, the room was spinning. I fucking mean spinning. I said "I'm ready to go NOW!" Some goober kept begging me to stay.
Him- "I'll get you some food."
Me- "No"
Him- "I don't want you to go"
Me- "I don't care. I feel sick."
Him- "You can throw up over there, under the stairs."
Me- "I don't fuckin' think so. You go throw up under the stairs."
Him- "Come on stay."
Me- "NO!"
Him- "I want to see you again before you leave."
Me- "Dude, I'm not gonna fuck you, okay? Give it up!"....He finally did after that.

The drive home was the longest of my life. I couldn't close my eyes because every time I did I felt like vomiting. Finally, we made it home. I made a mad dash for the bathroom where I spent most of the night hugging the porcelain god. I woke up in the bathroom still hugging the porcelain god. Now, I feel like shit. There will be no partying tonight.

I'm not telling the whole story. Use your imagination for the rest.

So long SUCKAS!

2005-10-01T00:28:00.000-04:00

It's time to say goodbye. While the rest of you suckers are slaving away next week, my ass will be lounging in bed all day and partying all night. It's vacation time. I won't be back for a week. Damn, that sounds good. The only bad part is the fact that I hate flying. I really hate flying. I think I may have a remedy for my dilemma. I'm guessing that if I could join the mile-high club, I would totally forget that I'm on a plane. It's a sound theory. Actually, it's something that I've kinda been wanting for awhile. It also would take care of my up-against-a-wall fantasy. My first flight is 1 hour and 45 minutes. The second flight is 50 minutes. I can last 2 hours and 35 minutes. I think that my problem will be finding a suitable volutneer (2 hours and 35 minutes).

I'm going back to Tennessee for a week. Actually, I'm going to Pigeon Forge. There's not much night-life there but I'm sure I will be able to amuse myself.

This is where I will be staying most of the time. The best part: It's FREE! My family owns it so I'll always have a place to camp out. OOOOOO...I was wrong about the best part. In the jacuzzi room, there are mirrors on the walls surrounding the bed. I plan on being a good girl. Okay, maybe not, but I will be good at it.

I might check in on ya'll. Shit, I'm already starting to sound like a hick.

Song of the day

Motley Crue

Home Sweet Home

Remember when?

2005-09-30T12:31:00.000-04:00

I got this today and couldn't stop laughing while I read it. While I was reading it to a friend at work, she kept giving me a puzzled look. She just turned 22. Damn, I feel old.

You know you were raised in the late 80's/early> 90's when...
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE ".
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair " ....and can do the Carlton".
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock ".
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars...and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales " (Woo ooh!)
12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen, and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH " (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) 18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more
20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF "
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us... head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pal Kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave you because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like 24, probably in neon colors, too)
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up "
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. "Don't worry, be happy "
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes> still do... getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family)
46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK"
47. You remember boom boxes.. and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
48. You remember watching both "Gremlins " movies.
49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
50. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony" Tales
51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".
54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell ", the ORIGINAL class.
55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
56. You just sang those words to yourself.
57. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
58. homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
59. You remember when mullets were cool!
60. You had a mullet!
61. You still sing "We are the World "
62. You tight rolled your jeans.
63. You owned a banana clip
64. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
65. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"
66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
67. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!

Song of the day
Scorpion
Send Me An Angel